"Will you shut up, man?" US Politics October 2020

He's actually up to 14 hours now.

ok so my newest theory is he's already dead

I really wonder what this quarantine is like. I can't imagine choad willingly not tweeting through this. He's either sicker than they are saying, or they took his phone away from him in the interest of national security.

Did even his ghost-tweeters catch the 'ronus?

my newest theory is he's already dead

When FOX News puts up a static screen showing a picture of the White House and plays somber music for hours on end, we'll know.

seemed like a Pynchon set piece, but "Senator Mike Crapo" just seals the deal.

lol

" a disease whose impact ranges unpredictably from no symptoms at all to rapid death, according to experts and research."

sounds good. keep me posted.

lol

rather go vegan than vote Romney?

lol

I guess he was supposed to be on some call 12:30 or something, but they replaced him with Pence? My wife's theory is that he is just napping, which is not a bad theory.

She woke me up with the news. I've kind of been happy all day in a way I haven't been in a week or so, I honestly wonder if that's what's doing it.

we won't officially know until the pearl-clutching about the massive weeklong global party that spontaneously erupts upon news of his death

xp

What this whole experience has taught me is that you should, in fact, count your chickens before they're hatched. It's wayyy more fun than the alternative.

When he dies a whole lot of flags will be at full mast, if you get my drift.

boners

There will be a global spike in COVID cases because people will not be able to resist running into the streets and hugging everyone they see

lol, all the neighborhood Facebook groups will be asking, were those gun shots, fireworks, or just people celebrating that Trump is dead?

as a soldier in the war on Christmas I just want to

Trump hasn't tweeted in 12 hours. Notably neither have I because I got suspended for the day for telling him to die.

"I've kind of been happy all day in a way I haven't been in a week or so" me too! I was on the brink of suicidal depression for two weeks until today

I really wonder what this quarantine is like. I can't imagine choad willingly not tweeting through this. He's either sicker than they are saying, or they took his phone away from him in the interest of national security.

good shit doesn't happen in this hellworld but lets not forget that 1) they almost certainly covered up a heart attack in 2019, 2) they fucking hid Melania for like 2 weeks, and 3) they absolutely planned to cover this up until some pesky reporter leaked that Hope was positive

and as a soldier in the War on Christmas just want to throw a begrudging shoutout to Melania

He's going to nuke Denmark in a fever dream... they should have sold Greenland, they brought this on themselves.

Between his mouth and his toilet habits, just imagine how disgusting his phone must be. They're probably in the process of burying that thing in the desert with all the nuclear waste.

right, Melania purportedly had a kidney thing, which also increases her chances. Honestly I don't hate her nearly to the degree I hate her husband so I don't really wish death on her the way I do DJT, and his children.

still, I'd take it.

I mean she is absolutely as horrible as the rest of them

anyone who hates christmas is cool with me

Yeah, did ye not see the audio released of her yesterday? Kids in cages, “give me a fucking break”, wasn’t it? Also recall her going on TV to push birther conspiracies.

Kids in cages, “give me a fucking break”, wasn’t it?

B-BUT OBAMA!!!!!

I don't think this is fake anymore. If it was, he'd be giving constant twitter updates on how he's battling the puny virus, and that his symptoms are already fading, ala Bolsonaro.

Yeah, have we discussed Melania's Christmas cheer anywhere? Because it's completely nuts.

I think we started to and then they all got hit by the plague bat

We live in a timeline where it's only like the 50th most notable story in the news cycle right now.

I'm beginning to wonder whether someone other than Trump tweeted the announcement maybe because Trump himself was in no condition to do so.

Melania's rant was posted somewhere yesterday afternoon, but has since been swallowed by other conversational interests.

if there's no word or sign of him throughout the weekend, assume the best.

I like the way you think.

2xp

I mean the text of the tweet itself was clearly not him

Relevant:

TIL the opposite of doomscrolling is schadensurfing

— N’Gai Croal (@ncroal) October 2, 2020

The announcement tweet was much more grammatically and syntactically subdued than anything Trump would write on his own. More like an official communique.

If it was genuine, it's be: "Do-Nothing Democrats and CNN might be Pleased to find out that Melania and I have the loser Chinese Virus, but they won't hear it from me! The Wall is almost finished, MAGA!"

I know people hate this genre of statement but it does make me happy to know that this is almost certainly the worst week of Trump's life. get exposed as a broke tax cheat, completely bomb a debate performance, "accidentally" make a nod to the Nazis AGAIN, have tapes of your wife saying nasty shit, then the both of you contract the deadly disease that you've been handwaving away for months? and it's only Friday??!?

There was a statement from Meadows that something about how "we" decided to release a statement. So.

So, tomorrow he has a catastrophic anal prolapse?

I've never felt more rayliottalaughing.gif than I do today

‘catastrophic’

Comforting when your doctor doesn't know how to spell "comorbidities." https://t.co/pjQneIhCvs

— James Surowiecki (@JamesSurowiecki) October 2, 2020

"mild symptoms" = coughing blood, uncontrollably weeping

BREAKING UPDATE — Trump has notified FOX35 that he won’t hold a Rally tonight https://t.co/3OR8DEfPi8

— FJ News Reporter (@FJNewsReporter) October 2, 2020

not even doing a virtual rally

there's a nonzero chance he's dead

xpost "Asymptotic" as well.

guys I think the pivot is finally happening

The pivot to death?

You can be asymptotic and symptomatic at the same time.

xps

They are rapidly approaching symptom-free but will never reach it

the pivot to Infrastructure Week