Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post - put them here

It’s interesting that you would not use that phrase, what are some other phrases you wouldn’t use

“I was wrong”

I wouldn't use the phrase "you should clearly keep antagonizing Branwell"

What happens to people who antagonize Branwell, is it unpleasant

ilx has a search function

god 'antagonizing'.. this sort of weird warped language and discourse that emerges around narcissists, like simultaneously they suffer all the harm and deserve all the placation

You act like I have never experienced misogyny. You act like I have never experienced transphobia. You act like I've never been bullied nearly to the point of suicide by people on this board. When I first started transitioning, there were men on this forum who started entire threads board lawyering for the right to deadname me - where were you, springing up to fight that transphobia? (I think it was pretty much FGTI the only person who did, at that point.)

You project the wildest shit into completely reasonable things which have been echoed many times, in trans and enby support groups, by trans women as well.

You're right, I don't get on with brad nelson, as a poster. We do not see eye to eye, and I suspect we never will. If the mere act of "not getting on with a nonbinary person" makes someone transphobic - hello, I'm trans and nonbinary!

Too grisly to mention??

I wouldn't use the phrase "you should clearly keep antagonizing Branwell"

also, it is just garbage behavior. Like, where is it getting you? It certainly doesn't seem to be coming from a place of respect and attempt at mediation or listening. ... One could call it bullying ... idk ... i really like ice cream

cis people don’t have any kind of monopoly on hating trans people

You're right, I don't get on with brad nelson, as a poster.

so why the fuck did you engage them? why are you still here? get the fuck out

i stopped watching that monopoly doc before the last episode ...

I've literally had trans women talk to me about how they feel safer in spaces run by "women and nonbinary afabs" than they do in cis gay male spaces, but it's transphobic for me to make the same assertion?

I can totally see Mark Wahlberg playing that dude

i for one don't fucking care about your trans credentials. you're a goddamn creep who makes this board a worse place to be for multiple people. xp

I didn't engage Brad. Brad inserted themself into a piece of advice I was giving to the father of an AFAB child who was coming out as maybe lesbian / bisexual / nonbinary - and was tailored specifically for an AFAB person, because I was speaking about an AFAB person - and started screaming at me because they felt this piece of advice (which was never aimed at them) did not adequately cover their specific experience.

Brad started this, and was not the slightest bit interested in engaging with me or listening to me.

You're a bunch of playground bullies, shouting that I'm the bully. It's just absurd.

You are transphobic as fuck to me, you're misogynist as hell, and yet accuse me of "hating trans women" to cover your own bullying.

You have no interest in any experience outside your own self-righteousness, but you scream that I'm a "narcissist" if I defend myself in any way.

go steamroll over some other people who aren't on ilxor.com for god's sake

You're a narcissist bully and you're a transphobe trying to bully a nonbinary person off a forum. Congratulations!

You are now exactly what you accuse me of being.

what you want I should bully myself off the forum then?

i'm a transphobe. all i can say is go fuck yourself you worthless piece of shit xp

i'm out

You're trying to bully a nonbinary trans person off a forum. That is what you are trying to do right now.

so I guess we didn't have second thoughts after all

I am a nonbinary trans person, and you are all screaming and swearing and trying to bully me off the board. Do you want to take a look at yourselves right now? Seriously?

you're also a person. who acts like a piece of shit. and yes, please leave.

You're the one swearing at me. And I will not leave, because a bunch of tranphobic bullies think I should.

well then i sure as shit hope the flag function works soon, in the meantime there's killfile

can't say i've ever been a huge branwell fan but bb does not deserve this treatment right now and y'all need to chill

Pretty sure they have me killfiled so in the interests of anyone reading, this:

Brad inserted themself into a piece of advice I was giving to the father of an AFAB child who was coming out as maybe lesbian / bisexual / nonbinary - and was tailored specifically for an AFAB person, because I was speaking about an AFAB person - and started screaming at me because they felt this piece of advice (which was never aimed at them) did not adequately cover their specific experience.

tbf i was basically screaming but, like, whatever. all this deserves screaming. brad is a great poster who contributes a lot. yeah, i'm really mad about how this all went down. and gyac is otm.

Agreed w mookieproof

And sarahell is extremely otm here

If you hate Branwell so much just killfile them, god, stop making it such an issue, nobody wants to read this fucking horseshit

gyac: I disagree, Brad got his back up very quickly

===

Look

The issue, as far as I can tell, is that Branwell started using AMAB to refer to not only the people that term is intended for (transwomen, AMAB enbys) but also, more broadly, to the cis gay men who populate the LGBTQ thread

I get why it's offensive-- and I did it too, and I apologize. I will not stop using AMAB because it applies to me, and I like it, and it is useful. I will stop using it to also refer to cis gay men, which I did, and I apologize for

Everything else still stands

Screaming "transphobic" at anybody and everything is counter-productive

Attempting to bully people off the board is ugly and execrable and stop doing it

And also I don't really dislike anybody on this board except silby right now for telling me to fuck you, but whatever, I just flagged a few posts about it and I feel better now

using AMAB to refer to not only the people that term is intended for (transwomen, AMAB enbys

Would you do me a big fat favor and not use it to refer to anyone

I don't have you killfiled, gyac, I'm actually following my own advice of not getting into discussions with people I don't think I will learn anything from.

I did think there was a chance, that if map and silby actually sat down and exercised some empathy and tried to understand that they are doing The Shitty Thing to someone from their own community, they might actually stop and reconsider? This is a thing that queer people do out of queer rage and queer pain - they attack other queer people. Sometimes you can empathise people into "we are both coming from a place of pain" and sometimes other people are too deep into their own pain to care.

and for the record another poster contacted me privately and was also pretty upset about the amab stuff branwell posted in the queer thread. it made for a really unpleasant and deeply unwelcome experience and now one of my favorite posters is gone.

using AMAB to refer to not only the people that term is intended for (transwomen, AMAB enbys

Would you do me a big fat favor and not use it to refer to anyone

― all cats are beautiful (silby), Friday, July 31, 2020 3:26 PM (fifty-five seconds ago)

Especially not trans women, for Christ’s sake

holy shit branwell you are such a fucking gaslighter. also goon tie with all due respect go fuck yourself.

bb does not deserve this treatment right now and y'all need to chill

this is otm. branwell and I have fruitlessly talked past each other many times in the past, but this has descended to bullying and I know where my fps will be parceled

so I guess we didn't have second thoughts after all

lol

Fair enough, BB, so you can go and talk in the No Boys thread about how ilx younger people don’t understand you, but you’re the one determined to make our opinions be a one way street. You can talk and we have to listen and take it but anything going the opposite way, nothing. That’s your right but you have to be honest about it.

silby gdi I am literally in therapy about my own transition and in constant discussion about this shit and I have no fucking clue why a very useful and simple term that is used so commonly by transpeople in discussion about this shit is so upsetting to you

Apologies in my last post for misgendering Brad btw sorry Brad

What use is it, ontologically

Gyac, I listen to people who have more experience than me, who are wiser than me, and who have more relevant knowledge than me.

Like this:

gdi I am literally in therapy about my own transition and in constant discussion about this shit and I have no fucking clue why a very useful and simple term that is used so commonly by transpeople in discussion about this shit is so upsetting to you

It can be a hugely helpful way of resolving conflicts in mixed-space settings, to address where you are coming from, how you were raised, what things were forbidden to you, what things were violently and nonconsensually forced upon you - and how the same things which are useful and helpful to you, might feel hurtful and oppressive to someone else, but you both have the right to get your needs met. We've resolved a lot of issues between enby people going in different directionalities by discussing those directionalities. We don't get very far by simply banning words.

It’s useful in discussing with a parent of a child who is coming out as genderqueer, for example, as the experience is different for children who have been assigned and raised male as opposed to assigned and raised female

assigned butchered at birth

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtf9QH8KhkA

Like in an enby space, where (deliberately frivolous example) some people are like "I want to express my gender through dresses! and pretty make-up! and glitter nail varnish and all the stuff that was denied to me while I was growing up! This is enby culture!" and some people are like "Ugh, I HATE dresses, get make-up the fuck away from me, I was forced to wear that shit and I never want to see it ever again, enby culture is boots and flannel and buzz cuts!" - it is a way of helping people to understand their differences, and that they can both be right, that where "enby" is located depends so much on where you are coming from.

And using these terms to express where you are coming from, "I was assigned female, I was forced to do some things, I was denied the right to do other things" can be very helpful shortcuts. Maybe generalisations, sure, but shortcuts can be useful, too.

I have no idea what discourse exists that has silby apparently starting at a 10.1 on the rageometer as soon as someone uses [an awkward initialism that probably had greater utility when applied specifically to intersex ppl, idk if it's robbing them of a linguistic tool or w/e though] but it's quite funny that they have their current username during this clusterfoofooraw

all gender is drag, come back Brad, map mb chill out and take a walk?