suicide

Thx everyone. I think I'll have him call a hotline, or recommend he does – they'd be better able to connect him w/resources in his town than I wld, of course. And then if he tells me he's thinking about it

I think we've both gotten the same scant bit of training, grimly, and I try to be as open w/him about it as possible and never pussyfooting w/language or intent, which is why I think he's willing to talk to me (among other reasons). It's just so hard to try and stay calm and open, let alone come up with any solutions or ideas like you did.

And yes, my parents are being real short-minded assfucks. They're impossible to handle & they make no sense. I hope for everyone else's sake they never have to regret their actions, but I am consistently baffled by how fucking idiotic they are with their kids' mental & physical health.

And then if he tells me he's thinking about it call the ER in his town to come get him.

worried

that im a bad person, that my friends dont love me, that i cant be understood, that im crazy.

Doubtful all four.

1. bad people don't usually worry about being bad people. You're probably obsessing over some mistakes?

2. if things with your friends have been different lately, maybe they are exasperated and don't know what to do about you, I mean, if you've been extremely depressed?

But that doesn't mean they don't love you, those who do.

Or have or did before or whatever.

3. You definitely can be understood.

none of those things change by killing yourself.

4. You maybe need therapeutic help or antidepressants or something else, but crazy? I mean, even if you were crazy, crazy is manageable these days.

Yeah, and what he said.

And you can't give in to the illogic of depression. It's a chemical inertia that you have to fight.

Every time I see your screen name it's so evocative to me.

if you're posting here, then almost by definition:

you're a good person
we love you
nabisco (among others) understands you
you are less crazy than . . . many of us

i like pumpkins

xpost. exactly! if you wrote it all down on a piece of paper and set it aside, that would be bad. Posting here doesn't lessen the severity of your worries, but it means you want a reply. And that's good. You come here, you will be heard, and we will listen. Overwhelming worries can be scary...but they are far better out here amongst all of us than in there with just you to face them!

pumpkin pie = awesomeness of the highest order.

with so many friends, and having always being there for them, i dont know how i ended up with no one to talk to. it happened so gradually

having always ben

been!

So who are you talking to now?

talk to us! as we've established, you are among people who like pumpkins VERY much.

one good friend and a bunch of internet ppl xpost

its hard to explain anything without just sounding like a retarded emo

Well, ok, I'm relieved to hear that.

<=====retarded emo usually

i mean its not calling mobile crisis time or anything like that

i did make a change to my life insurance policy but i think i was just feeling grim that day, i wasnt actually contemplating suicide or making a plan. just thinking baout death and dying.

everyone who hasn't been a retarded emo please step forward.

[looks around]

see? you're among friends. Seriously. and thinking baout death and dying can be worth offloading. turns your good thoughts to bad, like a rotten banana in the fruit bowl. you can pour it on. no-one's gonna laugh or point.

xpost Yeah, but when I was in a hole this summer a few times, that I wasn't considering suicide was not a consolation. It was just terrible terrible terrible. And not having, you know, the right people to talk to was a bitch. You don't want to talk to just anyone. And not wanting to put people out with what you think of as your bullshit, your drama.

i feel a little better today. thanks.

you are less crazy than . . . many of us

hear hear!

glad you're feeling better

agreed! excellent news!

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2266/2185484051_496d695120.jpg

man that pumpkin is real dope

Just k-kill me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1xpgf7VwPM

with so many friends, and having always being there for them, i dont know how i ended up with no one to talk to. it happened so gradually

Then it's time to gradually make amends. You take little baby steps: go out, call a friend. An old friend. Tell him/her you want to have a drink. I know that extreme depression isn't "erased" that way, but little bits can help. Also, get a therapist, get anti-depressants as a way to kick your body into a happy state.

Also: ILX. We're always here.

thanks for being nice back in sept u guys

So how are you feeling? I hope much better. Don't fear setbacks!

feeling much better. a lot of stress is off of me now.

christ- its been a long whiel for this thread. stress is for the birds

when first I posted on this thread we were chasing osama bin laden out of the chic hills of afghannystan

Glad you're feeling better...you can remember that in the future, too, if you're ever feeling shit again: that those feelings don't last forever. That is my main pulling-through-things strategy/

this is so awesome:

if you're posting here, then almost by definition:

you're a good person
we love you
nabisco (among others) understands you
you are less crazy than . . . many of us

― mookieproof, Saturday, September 26, 2009 2:58 AM

It is indeed awesome. Y'know, fuck people saying internet forums are "fake" cause you don't have real contact. If it can help you, give you comfort, then why the fuck not use a forum as a way to get out of the black hole. Anything to get away from the misery is A OKAY in my fucking book. Also, HUGGELZ to you all. You're great people.

I'm not so sure. Speaking as someone who posted a pathetic cry for help a few years ago which had absolutely fuck all personal response or reassurance (and got dragged up for shits and gigglez on the noize board or 77 or somewhere into the bargain), it really didn't help at all. If you catch the board on a quiet day, or a day when everyone's too busy posting lolcatz to read a personal thread, it can be another kick that you really don't need.

I mean, by all means, post away. It works for a lot of people. But it can have the completely opposite of giving you comfort. If you're already dangerously down, an addtional bout of "oh fuck, even people who don't KNOW me can't even be arsed to talk me down here" really doesn't help.

Of course, Ailsa. I am also sorry that I didn't catch the cry for help. I always do try to answer. What I meant was: that if you do find response, why not? Any way to get out of a black hole is good for me. The best option is of course finding someone in your immediate circle to help, but some people are really alone, y'know.

Oh yes, I understand that. But I'm just not convinced that ILX is always the cuddlestein answer (though obv it is a lot of the time, and one bad experience doesn't detract from all the good ones). It's a really bad time to find out firsthand that it's not always filled with instant goodness and answers and support.

Yes, sometimes ILX makes me really, really mad, too...it's a 'well-rounded' place in re emotional experiences.

sort of like: life

glad to see that ilxors helped pumpkin

sort of like: life

indeed! except I get mad at ILX way, way, way less often than I do at life in general.

so awful. what a world they've made that people can't even go on living.

very sorry to hear this, xyzzz. she sounds lovely. may her memory be a light.

Sorry for your loss man

Awful, for all the reasons. I hope all the memories are golden.

heartbreaking. thank you for remembering her here.

So sorry. I lost a friend similarly some time ago. I went to the funeral and gave condolences to his family and I know everyone in the room had this overarching sense of, what could/should anyone have done. Just an unanswerable sadness.

Thank you so much for this and I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss

I'm sorry for your loss. A tough thing for friends and family left behind.

awful news but a beautiful memorial, thanks for writing.

what a sad story, especially because it sounds like she had a clear sense of purpose and the love of friends and family, and just needed her community and her world to treat her with more kindness. condolences, xyzzzz_

Thanks all.

Very sorry for your loss

I am so sorry xyzzzz

Also: fuck holding a dog for ransom, somebody deserves their nose broken

It's disgusting.