cutting people completely out of your life

i was a weird kid.

OMG! Am I a sociopath?

Scott, you are NOT a sociopath. It takes effort to keep up with people when they're not around. But you've always managed to do it with the people who really matter to you.

Anyway in the last month I've met someone else, whom I really like, it seems quite serious so far, serious in that it's so much fun.

It's odd, now I look at my close friend and I can see what my friends were saying, and I feel she was probably stringing me along. Now that I no longer fancy her I just see the ugly parts of her personality and feel a certain amount of animosity for her selfishness in messing with me for so long and the way she was able to manipulate me.

In the meantime she's broken up with her boyfriend and as I see it, is now boyfriendless and lapdogless (no me anymore, I mean) and is acting extremely clingy with me.

I feel now that we were only friends based on my fancying her, and I don't want much to do with her. She rings me and asks questions about my new girlfriend and feebly tries to wield her old power over me by saying things like "I won't embarass you will I, if I come out tonight?" and I just think "no but you'll fucking embarass yourself".

It's odd how the tables have turned, I guess I feel now that I am justified in cutting her out, because of the way of led me on. At the same time I think it might be a bit mean.

The only reason I feel like being normal with her is that we were friends once I suppose, and also perhaps because I don't want her to mess things up with me with the new girl.

On the other hand, on a night like tonight she rings and asks if I'm going out and I just think "I have a new girlfriend, it's going really well, you had your chance, now leave me alone"

"Breaking up" with a friend

Friends Breaking Up

I am also really bad at keeping in touch, too. Some people think I am ignoring them when in fact I am just in a funk most of the time, and don't think about much beyond the next hour.

And even if said person made it impossible for me to deal with as a friend, I would still never consciously cut a friend out of my life unless I was forced to.. everyone defines differently what "forced to" means, of course... but it has happened to me a couple of times, and frankly, I haven't regretted it -- only because I gave the people in question more chances than they deserved.

Nowadays I have generous, thoughtful friends and I really do wonder why I allowed myself to put up with the other kind for so long.

My advice: cut cleanly and without acrimony.

Whatever you do, DO NOT actually act upon this impulse. You will regret it in the long run.

Friends start to slag the other person off, because they think it will make you feel better, but in reality you just get more and more bitter. So even the mildest of bitching, or the smallest of negative traits, you are tempted to run and run with so they seem bigger and bigger to you and eventually you just have this monster of your own creation. In time, you'll regain perspective realise that maybe they're not the goddess you originally made them out to be, but they're not the villain either.

As it happens, I'm still friends with the assumed stringer-alonger and all these issues are in the past. I'm very glad I didn't cave into the self-imposed pressure and burn my bridges entirely.

-- Amateur(ist) ([email protected]) (webmail), March 3rd, 2005 2:34 PM. (Amateur(ist)) (link)

Well, it's not like I issue ultimatums or anything. "I close the iron door on you," etc. What I meant was, the only people I have "cut out" of my life have been people I broke up with, in which case the cutting-off was at least partly mutual and wholly circumstantial. I can't think of anyone I hate. Maybe there are people out there who hate me -- I don't know.

i've never had a friend (i.e. not a lover) cut me out of their life (or vice-versa). the worst that's happened is i've stopped talking to someone for a few days or weeks. i guess i've been lucky never to have a close friend take advantage of or abuse me.

"i forget sometimes that a cooling off period is necessary..."

You'd be far from alone.

It's funny this topic came up because there are two people who have really been plaguing my thoughts lately. One is someone I had a serious falling out with last year, and the other is someone that I need to cut out of my life STAT. Interesting times, these.

I had a policy of deliberately cutting exes out of my life. And every time I went against that policy, such horrible things would happen as to only remind me why I had the policy in the first place.

For the first time in my life, I went against my instincts and decided to maintain contact with an ex. And it was the best decision I had made all year, he's proved to be a source of support and strength and has done a lot to restore my faith in humanity and the male of the species. Then again, that says a great deal more about him than it does about me, perhaps.

So pick your cutting out decisions wisely, and not on the spur of an immediate emotional reaction.

Way I see it, there's a couple of people who were in my life who could stand to learn from this and stop using excuses and half-truths to escape this.

(More thoughts/experiences later)

yeah, my life would be so much easier were it not for people. i should do this!

I had someone stand me up for a date and apparently do this out of the blue.

she hate you

I don't understaaaaand

Not that I need to, but have you ever cut off old friends / exes completely with the expectation of never, never, ever seeing or speaking to them again?

If so, do you regret it or was it a good thing? do they prey on your thoughts or have you mostly forgotten them?

-- Alasdair, Wednesday, November 7, 2001 8:00 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark Link

i do this a lot to people who didnt really do anything wrong to me and i dont really regret it

i think its a lot creepier when ppl want to stay in touch all the time with every ex and friend from high school and family member and like keep old photos and shit.... life is boring if you dont move on

i dont wanna be ppl i know who are really old like 30 and still have pics of them from when they were 22 or something on a road trip

when i do this it usually just happens and i don't even realize i did it until two years later and i'm like, "wait i haven't talked to them in forever. eh who cares."

that happens too but im talking more like when your ex is calling again at 2am and youre just like uggh i am never picking up that phone no matter how shitty my life gets

ive never understand the point of ppl staying in touch endlessly with the same old ppl if you dont like A+++++ love them - why not take a shot with new ppl and see what happens?

good job

of course im saying that as i POST TO ILX :-[

posting to ILX = yelling out of a car window

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