US Politics, March 2020 — There’s a very good chance you’re not going to die.

"Invoke P" is like the second to last thing i attempt to do in a text adventure game before finally giving up

does text-to-speech randomly do weird capitalizations of nouns?

This is confirmation that he's tweeting via speech-to-text, right?

― DJP, Friday, March 27, 2020 11:04 AM (three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

(forgets to submit tweet, jams phone in pocket, stands at toilet for two solid minutes with no action before bellowing at his wizened dingle) INVOKE PEE!

>find ventilator
>>I don't understand
>search ventilators
>>I don't understand
>help Ventilator
>>Ventilators are a _key item_. they are very important now. GM has them but they won't give them to you. why
>make Ventilator
>>I can't do that right now
>look
>>You are in a room with no doors
>invoke P

lmao

One of the few things that's keeping me sane through this is the increased likelihood that I will eventually get to see footage of people kicking his desiccated head around like a soccer ball.

bit harsh on karl tbh

this motherfucker is so tiring
^^^^^

bit harsh on me tbh

"p" tape is real

okay lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wi-H6ohY37k

I think "P" took the place of Nixon's name during all internal Watergate-related communiqués, so he's probably nostalgic for the cloak-and-dagger of that.

He wants to...invoke himself.

there is only one logical conclusion here: he is summoning master p and the no limit soldiers

wow, congressman Massie (R-Libertania) is going to try to force everyone to return to congress for the house vote, rather than just doing a simple voice vote (which both Pelosi and McCarthy want)

turns out that this legislation is going to increase the federal deficit!!!!!!!!

oh god it just hit me that QAnon is probably going wild about the "invoke P" thing

what if it turned out all along that Q was one letter off?

this is kind of today's "covfefe", so i'm expecting to be incredibly annoyed at all on this when I'm still hearing about it in April

but i'm going to live in the moment and just enjoy Invoke P while it's fresh

Breaking news: Congressman Massie has tested positive for being an asshole. He must be quarantined to prevent the spread of his massive stupidity. He's given new meaning to the term #Masshole. (Finally, something the president and I can agree on!) https://t.co/N1CNLPsZjc

— John Kerry (@JohnKerry) March 27, 2020

wow

such a shocking breach of decorum, i am offended

I am assuming he means invoke Presidential Emergency Powers, but...who is he telling to do that?

yesterday he said there was no need because all of these companies are beautiful, they don't need to be told to help, theyr'e very cooperative

today he's looking for some kind of public permission I guess from these same people, or hoping they'll come to theirs senses

the most cowardly person in the world

why has he not invoked the DPA yet??

well also i mean it's the job of each individual state governor to work these deals out for their state, for the ventilators.

not that there is a ventilator shortage, everything is fine. but they are also badly needed, and we are working toward a perfect deal. we'll see what happens

Knowing him, he probably wants to stay as far away from any culpability/responsibility as possible. Much easier to point fingers and blame others as the crisis worsens.

well, yeah, ofc

I am assuming he means invoke Presidential Emergency Powers, but...who is he telling to do that?

he is michael scott declaring bankruptcy

Fine; I'll take the bullet for the whole thread and glance at this suppurating asshole's twitter feed.

Invoke “P” means Defense Production Act!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 27, 2020

That scans. I mean, "P" clearly stands for "Defense Production Act"

Of course, that doesn't mean he's gonna do anything. As someone said earlier, he's gonna take two contradictory positions - "do nothing" - and "do everything" - until it becomes clear which one is right, and then he'll take credit for having been in favor of that one all along.

that must mean that "D" is already taken (Invoke D = change my big boy diaper)

invoke the d and the p and the a can all be used as sexual double entendre btw

At the center of the discussion about how to ramp up the production of ventilators is Jared Kushner, the president’s son-in-law and a senior White House aide, who has told people that he was called in two weeks ago by Vice President Mike Pence to produce more coronavirus test kits and who has now turned his attention to ventilators.

i just... i

what

we were one imaginable keystroke away from the president invoking DP which might've broken twitter so mixed blessing

can we have kerry instead of biden please

no

I am gonna be very mad if the president invokes me

AOC was calling for house members to return in person as well I recall

don't worry DJP, everyone knows Invoking P means invoking the SECOND letter in a series of 3 letters, not the third.

otm

apparently they just kicked massie's ass or something, because they just passed it by voice vote and it's headed to Trump for signature

https://giphy.com/gifs/drawing-donald-trump-kat-l3q2TGhB8qZhs1tny

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/512CV5J7CXL._SX355_.jpg

I hadn't seen DPA rendered in print as an acronym till above--reminded me that, in Ontario, DPA = Daily Physical Activity, which is supposed to comprise 15 minutes of every schoolday.

there is only one logical conclusion here: he is summoning master p and the no limit soldiers

make 'em say UHHH NNN OOHHHGGH

https://www.washingtonpost.com/resizer/TUfdHX3MhcahHYpe8zx5dlSUc6Y=/1440x0/smart/arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/ASERXF7A4M34REPLRFRZS2QM2Q.gif

@realDonaldTrump
2h
Will someone please explain to the Fake News New York Times (ALL THE NEWS THAT’S NOT FIT TO PRINT) that the Democrats make it almost impossible for us to fill positions within government. They “maximum” delay even the best candidates, including Judges, leaving little time!

even the BEST candidates!

https://i.imgur.com/INpSNXz.jpg