in which we list our own cv19 symptoms (speculative)

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66. mixcloud play queue now 3,000 NTS shows long

a passing spacecadet, Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:03 (six years ago)

67. Matt Bianco earworm

Wuhan!! Got You All in Check (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:10 (six years ago)

69. trouble with adhering to sequenced lists

karmic blowback for dissing pip and jane baker (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:13 (six years ago)

68. Can’t suffer a gap

rawdogging the pandemic (hardcore dilettante), Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:16 (six years ago)

70. Soccer tongue*

* (imago has this symptom)

rawdogging the pandemic (hardcore dilettante), Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:17 (six years ago)

71. recurring fits of 'agronomist's complaint'

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:17 (six years ago)

72. trap in

consultant haste (gyac), Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:23 (six years ago)

73. soldiers' pay
74. mosquitoes
75. sartoris
76. the sound
77. the fury

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:25 (six years ago)

78. feverish hot takes

calzino, Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:27 (six years ago)

79. switching to instant coffee, but not for reasons of budgeting or supply

karmic blowback for dissing pip and jane baker (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:30 (six years ago)

80. my eyes switched places

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:33 (six years ago)

81. feet are exactly one foot long

epistantophus, Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:36 (six years ago)

82. uncaring hair

epistantophus, Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:36 (six years ago)

83. undiagnosed ability to juggle

epistantophus, Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:38 (six years ago)

84. every other toe is on fire
85. heart on sleeve
86. adequate knuckles

epistantophus, Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:40 (six years ago)

87. a sudden and demonstrated preference for spiral bound notebooks, specifically those ones where the wire spiral binding curls inwards slightly at the ends so it doesn’t get caught on your jumper

karmic blowback for dissing pip and jane baker (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:43 (six years ago)

88. excessive and unexplained bleeding from hand after driving letter opener through hand

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:50 (six years ago)

89. Speculative post mortem

American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:51 (six years ago)

90. ham fists, chicken legs

epistantophus, Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:52 (six years ago)

91. remembers the movie Short Circuit 2 with fondness

epistantophus, Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:55 (six years ago)

88. male menstruation

a struggle to make meat-snacking fit (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 26 March 2020 11:59 (six years ago)

93. baker’s cough
94. ears taped shut

epistantophus, Thursday, 26 March 2020 12:11 (six years ago)

95. reverse pooping

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Thursday, 26 March 2020 12:41 (six years ago)

just realized 93 is actually a thing :(

epistantophus, Thursday, 26 March 2020 12:46 (six years ago)

Perhaps you meant 'banker's cough'?

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Thursday, 26 March 2020 12:47 (six years ago)

calz two contributions are possibly the best things to come out of this entire situation imo

ole uncle tiktok (darraghmac), Thursday, 26 March 2020 12:52 (six years ago)

Hadrian and OL brought the lols

epistantophus, Thursday, 26 March 2020 12:56 (six years ago)

96. vague, existential unease

epistantophus, Thursday, 26 March 2020 12:58 (six years ago)

97. Feverish shitposting

consultant haste (gyac), Thursday, 26 March 2020 13:17 (six years ago)

98. Increased daytime access to food and booze, leading to excess eating and drinking.

Why, I would make a fantastic Nero! (PBKR), Thursday, 26 March 2020 13:19 (six years ago)

Lol these are all song lyrics.

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 26 March 2020 13:32 (six years ago)

99. pancreatic amnesia

a struggle to make meat-snacking fit (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 26 March 2020 13:42 (six years ago)

100. clear plastic golf trousers

epistantophus, Thursday, 26 March 2020 13:46 (six years ago)

101. sudden ability to play the trumpet (as-yet-untested, tbf)

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Thursday, 26 March 2020 13:47 (six years ago)

102. Black smoke belching from open mouth.

Matt DC, Thursday, 26 March 2020 13:48 (six years ago)

Okay, this one is 100% serious and mysterious and I wasn't sure where to share it before, but:

On my last day in the outside world, I left work and went on one last grocery run. Among the groceries I bought were four cans of soup, of a variety and brand that I regularly buy. These were the only canned goods I bought that day. I did self-checkout and bagged everything myself, so I know precisely what went in the bags. And I was mindful to not go hog wild on things like canned goods because I was going to be lugging all that shit on my shoulder all the way home and it adds up. The weight, I mean. So I get home, I put away my groceries, and because the cabinets were getting a little overfilled, I put a bag of less perishable stuff in another room. Namely, the four cans of soup and a loaf of bread. At that point, we were on lockdown, leaving basically only for walks and to like get the mail. No one else has been in the apartment. So like a week later, as we started to make some room in the cabinets, I thought: oh hey, guess I'll put away that loaf of bread and those four soup cans. So I went to the bag and...there were like ten soup cans in there, all but the four of a different variety and brand than I have ever bought. I...have no idea where they came from. No idea whatsoever. Literally the only way this could have happened via non-supernatural means is if someone slipped them into my shopping bag while my attention was diverted on the train home that day.

So:

103. mystery soup manifesting from the void

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:07 (six years ago)

soup cans be fuckin’

a struggle to make meat-snacking fit (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:16 (six years ago)

103. mystery soup manifesting from the void

Have you considered changing your display name?

Matt DC, Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:28 (six years ago)

104. Biden-esque speech patterns

coco vide (pomenitul), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:29 (six years ago)

105. some psychosomatic symptoms, difficult to endure, involving the upper respiratory tract

like, I’m eating an elephant head (katherine), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:31 (six years ago)

106. Breathe the pressure / Come play my game, I'll test ya / Psychosomatic, addict, insane

coco vide (pomenitul), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:35 (six years ago)

107. literal frog in one's throat

coco vide (pomenitul), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:36 (six years ago)

108. I'm dead
109. I'm The Stranger

Wuhan!! Got You All in Check (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:37 (six years ago)

110. felicitous, newly acquired ability to front a caverncore band

coco vide (pomenitul), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:40 (six years ago)

111. urge to trawl through YouTube for videos of oddballs giving lessons on etiquette

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:42 (six years ago)

112. Got a wicked case of the jimmy leg

Mario Meatwagon (Moodles), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:49 (six years ago)

113. woke up inhabiting the body of Richard Kline (who portrayed Jack Tripper's friend Larry on the beloved sitcom Three's Company)

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:55 (six years ago)

114. speaks only in V A G A R I E S

coco vide (pomenitul), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:57 (six years ago)

115. perpetual obliqueness

extremely Dutch coughing sound (gyac), Thursday, 26 March 2020 15:02 (six years ago)

116. smiling next to others in silent lucidity

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Thursday, 26 March 2020 15:03 (six years ago)


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