Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

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People, this I keep reiterating: there is a direct correlation between 'newspapers currently sticking the boot into Kate Moss' and 'newspapers which have had to apologise/pay damages to Kate Moss for calling her a druggie in the past'. They must have had to pay up a LOT of money.

I have been made to feel VERY uncool by certain fashion-industry colleagues for my refusal to snort this shit; when I told my former boss I wasn't keen on putting stuff up my nose generally she said 'just rub it on your gums instead' as if it was not the drug itself I was objecting to.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 22 September 2005 08:50 (eighteen years ago) link

This is why I'm just so pleased by the whole thing. (I kept trying to tell AMP and Anna this last night when they were all "why are they making such a big deal out of it?")

― The Brocade Fire (kate), Thursday, 22 September 2005 08:52 (eighteen years ago) link

(xpost x 2)

It's the Philip Larkin syndrome again - you think, blimey, he looked like that and yet he had three women on the go!

Then you look at the women and realise they all looked like him.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 22 September 2005 08:52 (eighteen years ago) link

What, they all looked like Eric Morecambe?

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 22 September 2005 08:54 (eighteen years ago) link

many believe the big bang theory is wrong

many Daily Mail readers. not actual scientists or anything.

So why did Radio 5 wake me up with the words "...which may change the way we look at the creation of the universe via the Big Bang" yesterday morning? (I can't answer this question as I immediately clicked the snooze button, but I'd be surprised if they're giving too much airspace to creationism).

RickyT, if you have any links to recent cosmological updates, do post them!

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 22 September 2005 08:54 (eighteen years ago) link

I'd say Larkin looked more like Phil Silvers than Morecambe.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 22 September 2005 08:55 (eighteen years ago) link

I have revived a physics thread so we can keep the non-media chatter off this thread:

anyone know anything about astrophysics? i have a question about the universe

(Even if scientists manage to completely disprove the Big Bang, that doesn't make Creationism any more likely or even possible.)

― The Brocade Fire (kate), Thursday, 22 September 2005 08:57 (eighteen years ago) link

I'd say Larkin looked more like Phil Silvers than Morecambe.

Ruggish!

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 22 September 2005 08:58 (eighteen years ago) link

Morecambe, though, had better taste in jazz than Larkin. He had that Derek Bailey in his backing band once, you know.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 22 September 2005 08:59 (eighteen years ago) link

He was a much better novelist too

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 22 September 2005 09:00 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.trashfiction.co.uk/mr_lonely.jpg

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 22 September 2005 09:01 (eighteen years ago) link

"when I told my former boss I wasn't keen on putting stuff up my nose generally she said 'just rub it on your gums instead'"

You owe me a new keyboard. I sneezed coffee all over my current one when I read this...

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 22 September 2005 09:02 (eighteen years ago) link

Some advice - don't drink coffee while using a computer, rub it on your gums instead

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 22 September 2005 09:04 (eighteen years ago) link

Hands up, anyone who has actually snorted instant coffee crystals...

― The Brocade Fire (kate), Thursday, 22 September 2005 09:05 (eighteen years ago) link

How are you able to type with one hand Kate?

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 22 September 2005 09:09 (eighteen years ago) link

Grafitti in the toilets at Hull University's library frequently referred to him as Phil "Silvers" Larkin. I love the man almost as much as Eric, though.

― I'm a Problem for Anthony Blair (noodle vague), Thursday, 22 September 2005 09:11 (eighteen years ago) link

I have never snorted instant coffee! I've only ever rubbed it on my gums!

― The Brocade Fire (kate), Thursday, 22 September 2005 09:12 (eighteen years ago) link

Even if Larkin did resemble Bilko, according to all reliable evidence, he was, shall we say, very well equipped...

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 22 September 2005 09:16 (eighteen years ago) link

i remember a colleague snorting vodka at a Melody Maker All Star Xmas Cocktails competition years ago. it made him weep, and sarah cracknell laughed at him.

― foxy boxer (stevie), Thursday, 22 September 2005 11:50 (eighteen years ago) link

I have snorted instant coffee. And I would gladly do it again.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Thursday, 22 September 2005 12:04 (eighteen years ago) link

another heartwarming thread about a british newspaper. i love you all

― j/k, Thursday, 22 September 2005 12:32 (eighteen years ago) link

anyone who turns down free cocaine is not fit to be a parent

― Ward Fowler (Ward Fowler), Thursday, 22 September 2005 13:58 (eighteen years ago) link

p46-47: the "disturbing truth" about the white British women who have sex with black men in the Gambia.

What is the disturbing truth then?

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Thursday, 22 September 2005 14:18 (eighteen years ago) link

BLACK MEN HAVE ENORMOUS PENISES

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 22 September 2005 14:25 (eighteen years ago) link

I snorted aspirin.

― suckling pig at a rave (alix), Thursday, 22 September 2005 14:27 (eighteen years ago) link

did it hurt?

― g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 22 September 2005 14:27 (eighteen years ago) link

BLACK MEN HAVE ENORMOUS PENISES
I can see how that would disturb anyone white enough to get as far as page 46 of the Mail :-)

I thought it would be more along the lines of dirrty women importing BADAIDS to the home counties.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Thursday, 22 September 2005 14:28 (eighteen years ago) link

Jeremy Kane once snorted a pixie stick.

― The Brocade Fire (kate), Thursday, 22 September 2005 14:30 (eighteen years ago) link

I once snorted pepper. It was a stupid thing to do.

Steve-O snorting wasabi on the Jackass movie was even more stupid and also brilliant.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Thursday, 22 September 2005 14:33 (eighteen years ago) link

The only thing I've ever put up my nose is my finger.

Oh, and a miniature snooker ball when I was about three. I had to go to hospital to have it removed.

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Friday, 23 September 2005 09:31 (eighteen years ago) link

What's in today's Daily Mail then?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 23 September 2005 09:41 (eighteen years ago) link

Ooh I once got the wee bit out of the top of a bic pen stuck up my nose and my uncle made me sniff pepper and I sneezed it into the fire.

I have had pepper up my nose too many times.

xpost

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 23 September 2005 09:42 (eighteen years ago) link

Hands up who's tried snuff!!!

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 23 September 2005 09:46 (eighteen years ago) link

WHAT'S IN TODAY'S DAILY MAIL THEN?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 23 September 2005 09:47 (eighteen years ago) link

Snuff were a terrible band. Steven Wells liked them IIRC.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 23 September 2005 09:47 (eighteen years ago) link

I haven't seen it but I'd hazard a guess that it's a mixture of pieces on how foreigners are out to get us and crackpot mysticism.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 23 September 2005 09:49 (eighteen years ago) link

Snuff, oh god yes, "ironic" "punk" covers of pop songs by infinitely more talented artists.

― Don King of the Mountain (noodle vague), Friday, 23 September 2005 09:49 (eighteen years ago) link

What's in today's Daily Mail then?

Why oh why... tut tut... tsk tsk... you'll never believe what she's done now... don't look now but a whole family of them have moved in next door... etc etc etc

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 23 September 2005 09:51 (eighteen years ago) link

Is Baz Bamigboye still in it on Fridays?

― Don King of the Mountain (noodle vague), Friday, 23 September 2005 09:52 (eighteen years ago) link

I was just thinking it might be an idea to make this a rolling Daily Mail thread with daily updates of idiocy, but then that would arguably only perpetuate the Beezlebub that is Associated Newspapers.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 23 September 2005 10:02 (eighteen years ago) link

A better idea would be to hang around outside the mail's offices dressed in albanian national costume, and carrying a bucket of soapy water and a yellow sponge. When the writers & execs drive out of the car park, splash the soapy water on their windscreens and laugh at their apoplectic faces.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 23 September 2005 10:06 (eighteen years ago) link

It's High Street Ken, Norm; no one would notice.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 23 September 2005 10:07 (eighteen years ago) link

Pity! The image of M Phillips seething in the back of an XJ6 as someone slathers soapy water over here windscreen is mightily pleasing.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 23 September 2005 10:13 (eighteen years ago) link

Someone from Associated Newspapers looked at my blog the other day.

Personally, I appreciate the effort that's gone into their associated.co.uk homepage.

(and, yes, I did check that that domain is actually registered to Associated Newspapers)

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 23 September 2005 10:29 (eighteen years ago) link

.... so Melanie Phillips has her own blog after all

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 23 September 2005 10:30 (eighteen years ago) link

In the Mail today:

Our MRSA Shame; Only we Asians can tear down the segregation wall, writes an attractive Asian female with full-length pic; Legal aid for travellers in battles with planners — little help for embattled homeowners as Labour changes the rules; Nurse gave girl a contraceptive jab at McDonalds; Conker boy, 12, is killed in plunge on to railings; A munching menace — dog-sized deer puts our birds in peril; What's your daughter drinking tonight? One middle-class girl's haunting account of how the binge-drinking culture that afflicts countless teenagers nearly cost her life; The 'Chav' children feared by teachers; Mother's £6,500 bonus for having a third baby; South Africa siezes white-owned farm; Women lured with loans to have a facelift; Labour's policies broke up our family...

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Friday, 23 September 2005 10:31 (eighteen years ago) link

And everyone was stunned into silence...

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Friday, 23 September 2005 11:24 (eighteen years ago) link

A munching menace — dog-sized deer puts our birds in peril

Tell me more!

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 23 September 2005 11:25 (eighteen years ago) link

That'll be Pere David's Deer, I'll be bound.

― Don King of the Mountain (noodle vague), Friday, 23 September 2005 11:36 (eighteen years ago) link

Apparentlt Muntjac deer have bred voraciously and are now taking over the great British countryside. And they eat bark and tender shoots of young saplings, which in years to come could mean a lack of trees and hence a lack of nesting sites for birds.

First item in the fact box next to the article: said deer is not native to the UK, and was shipped over from Asia before growing rapidly to outnumber good-old British deer...

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Friday, 23 September 2005 11:36 (eighteen years ago) link

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