Real England

Rector vs vector

lol, top work

It's a beautiful old building with a medieval section that must be at least 700 years old. Never dared enter it though. It's quite intimidating when it is full of middle aged middle class white folk, who although quite harmless looking have murderous stares of death like something out of Tales of the Unexpected. Rector Revd Debbie always nods or says hello when I pass through with the dog and seems a really wholesomely nice person though. I think she appreciates I don't let him piss on the graves!

Coronavirus: Man proposes in Iceland store
A nurse proposed to his girlfriend in a branch of Iceland after a romantic trip to the country of the same name was cancelled due to the coronavirus.

Ledge

GET IN

This guy was fucking flying round Morrisons like it was Rainbow Road, he nearly ran me over in front of the fish counter, I had to jump out the way and he didn't acknowledge me at all. When he left all he had bought was bottled water and scratchcards. pic.twitter.com/gzshh3hlgK

— Baby Etrigan (@aboynamedposh) March 28, 2020

What’ve I just seen . pic.twitter.com/wZl7xEUBRM

— Owen Hallworth (@HallworthOwen) April 5, 2020

thinking about thos beans!

jesus god

no wonder there were no tins of beans & sausages in Aldi last time i went

Pictured behind the toast: customer's detachable lower jaw.

Brilliant Message from Derbyshire police on Normanton Rd last night that’s the language people speak & understand round here Its a Rap, stay safe & STAY @ HOME, PC Mcginley your an absolute legend 👏👏👏 pic.twitter.com/EZ47tzIqps

— Ajit Singh Atwal (@AtwalAjit) April 5, 2020

driven inside by the cringe

i can't click that video it will kill me

just looking at those beans again, there's 8 sausages in a tin so that's more than one tin on the plate, wtf is wrong with people?

bloke just called 5live and genuinely said the army should be on the streets and should shoot people "not kill them, just shoot them in the hand or foot" for a variety of offences incl "disrespecting the Queen", "running around sunbathing" and my favourite, "being outrageous".

— the Devil has many bollocks, my friend (@LeonardEctric1) April 6, 2020

fuck, those are my three favourite things

Bad news for Showbiz Kids

just looking at those beans again, there's 8 sausages in a tin so that's more than one tin on the plate, wtf is wrong with people?

― Kier today, Dom tomorrow (Noodle Vague), Monday, April 6, 2020 1:50 PM (seven hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

I reckon it's two tins with sausages and two without, I take no pleasure in reporting this.

irl lool bg

xp
there is still too much sauce on the plate to support that theory!

You know how you need to heat the beans for a while so the sauce reduces? his nan hasn't done that.

I think she's filtered some of the sauce out of a third can of beans which has been put in the fridge for later, because she equates sauce with love!

You know how you need to heat the beans for a while so the sauce reduces?

i have never taken an instruction less seriously

#ClapForBoris Sending our best wishes ⁦@BorisJohnson⁩ Get well soon and carry on the great job!!! pic.twitter.com/h26TUtZFF3

— Glenn Aston (@GlennAston1) April 7, 2020

Efficient reducer from Tom in the responses

"Hope you snuff it like boris will soon"

This guy 😂👏🏼👏🏼#ClapForBoris pic.twitter.com/mIHrnEhWrO

— Kevin Basham (@KevinBasham) April 7, 2020

xp this one is always a classic

pic.twitter.com/ZYmUXFusj7

— ויסקונט לייטון (@ViscountLe8ton) April 7, 2020

#ClapForBoris Sending our best wishes ⁦@BorisJohnson⁩ Get well soon and carry on the great job!!!

Typical Wolves fan.

Oh the shame

LOL. soz NV

Football fans, what ya gonna do?

nowt more English than racism and porn
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-52243209

feel bad for lolling so hard

The scene from Westminster bridge #ClapForCarers pic.twitter.com/JpzM0YBjgH

— Damir Rafi (@d_rafi1) April 16, 2020

That seems like a lot of people quite close together

I trained a neural network to produce UK government style petitions, trained on @jonty's excellent petitions dataset. It's just as awful as you might expect: https://t.co/jZ6hkLE65D pic.twitter.com/zDCPKVMaRn

— Mike Sheldon (@mikesheldon) April 17, 2020

https://imgur.com/a/z518nDp

At a farm up the road. Mental. My fat fingers included for added authenticity.

One last go...

https://imgur.com/a/z518nDp

I'll have a go
https://i.imgur.com/mfE40mc.jpg

Thank you! What was I doing wrong?

There's even a hidden Churchill there - above the Go Forward Together slogan. Ffs.

Can't spell NHS without spelling Nation

British police say they are keen to speak to a person who has been dressing as a 17th century plague doctor for walks during the coronavirus lockdown.

The unidentified individual has been spotted in the Norwich suburb of Hellesdon wearing a long black cloak, hat and pointed beak-like mask in recent weeks.

People posting on a community Facebook page said the outfit could frighten children, with Norfolk Police saying they wanted to give "words of advice" to the person.

Jade Gosbell, 21, took a photograph of the person walking across a recreation ground in Hellesdon.

"It was like 20 degrees, he was wearing a full black suit, it just looked ridiculous," she said.

"It's clearly for attention or something like that, because normal people just wouldn't do that."

She said: "I was sitting there and I was getting angry myself as my mum has a phobia of masks.

"I know that even in daylight if she was to go round the corner and bump into him she would be so scared.

"Kids would be frightened, my mum would be frightened, however some people really don't think it's that deep, they just think that he's having a laugh, he's just trying to find something to do with himself during isolation and lockdown."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5fts7bj-so

Toilet-dwelling lizard inconveniences Bristol man https://t.co/cxY4X8Zr2q

— BBC News England (@BBCEngland) April 29, 2020

British police say they are keen to speak to a person who has been dressing as a 17th century plague doctor for walks during the coronavirus lockdown.

I'd also like to speak to them, maybe go for a pint when this is over, feel like they'd have some good patter

She said: "I was sitting there and I was getting angry myself as my mum has a phobia of masks.

I'm afraid I have some bad news...

A shot of Lincolnshire’s Balloon version of @captaintommoore arriving in Bedfordshire. Made by Craig Cash in Horncastle & Delivered by Andrew White from near Boston.
Excellent to see communities coming together to put a smile on people’s faces. #MakeADifference pic.twitter.com/UoVYwkwI8W

— BBC Radio Lincolnshire 🌈 (@BBCRadioLincs) April 30, 2020

An incredible (and edible!) tribute to #CaptainTomMoore on his 100th birthday by local baker Leanne Harry.

Support and see more of her creations here: https://t.co/VDhohwcYyl pic.twitter.com/xfUA0HHbc0

— IndependentLiverpool (@IndpndtLiv) April 30, 2020

The country’s off the rails.