US Politics, March 2020 — There’s a very good chance you’re not going to die.

you can, but you have to make an andrew wk joke at the same time

“I was in Miami last night for a wedding celebration when first responders were called to assist one of my friends. While I had too much to drink, I want to be clear that I have never used methamphetamines,” he said.

always a good day when you have to make a public statement that you didn't use meth

I was just drunk ok

one really fun way to party is to drink a lot while your friends do meth

-andrew wk, "we're gonna drink all night (but no meth for me, no thank you)"

if you're going to be caught up in something scandalous, now is probably the best possible time

idk this sounds kinda suspicious to me tbh

I agree fwiw

dead people bounce

suspicious as in James O'Keefe drugged Gillum and pulled him into a hotel bathroom?

if you're going to be caught up in something scandalous, now is probably the best possible time

this story doesn't appear on Drudge yet, so you're probably right

expect the pee tape to drop tonight around 11pm eastern

See those "laying hands on Trump" photos and start humming "Touch Me, I'm Sick".

More like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jd9yxSHYpRU

More than ever, such a sickening feeling every time he speaks now--still going on about his great early response. And what on earth does "Maybe luck, maybe talent" mean?

He is so over his head.

Australia's Minister for Fascism and Looking Like A Potato has tested positive for the 'vid. Here he is taking a meeting last week:

https://media2.s-nbcnews.com/j/newscms/2020_11/3268211/200313-australia-coronavirus-mc-930_a9605cc9722d54ef4bf0f8007701044b.fit-760w.jpg

btw

It takes all those people to coax the president into taking a crap

worst public enemy LP ever

― majority whip, majority nae nae (m bison)

retitled as https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Whirl_Odor after focus group testing

so he's running out a parade of CEO's to save america ~

is this fool seriously trying to boost their stocks right now

wow congrats it worked

lots of handshakes goin' on...

holy shit, his answers to repeated questions on why he's not worried about his own health, given that he was recently photographed next to a person who is now covid-19 positive.

earlier in the press conference, he said it was fine because he isn't showing symptoms (even though you can carry it for weeks before showing symptoms).
then he said that he "doesn't know" the person that was positive. then a reporter asked a follow-up question noting that whether or not you know the person makes absolutely no difference, and asked why he isn't self-quarantining, as Fauci has been advocating. he said that he's following his doctors' advice - and apparently his doctors are telling him not to worry about it?? (assuming this is a lie on his part). then he was asked whether americans should follow the advice of Fauci, or the presidents doctor's, and he said that everyone should listen to their doctors.

or you know, americans could just do whatever they want. after all, they're the president! wait what

he just shook hands with every major CEO

guys is it possible Trump is antifa

QUARANTINE THE PRESIDENT

I’m a simple country idiot...why exactly did simply bringing out a bunch of CEOs at the press conference trigger a stock market rebound?

i assume investors have way more faith that those guys will make the best moves to benefit them

investors are emotionally unstable idiots

they literally behave like naive tweens

idk Trump essentially declaring he cares more about stock prices than human lives seems like it would be good for the Dow

always unrealistically hoping for the best then TOTALLY FREAKING OUT about the worst

xps

spending their money on garbage in the vain hope that one day it will be worth something, constantly trying to undermine one another etc

"the President LIKES MEEEEE!"

market gains will all be erased with the next wave of bad news, deaths, unemployment numbers, defaults etc

market gains America will all be erased with the next wave of bad news, deaths, unemployment numbers, defaults etc

oh stop it

i want to be Bible lady from The Mist

trump also bought a bunch of oil to prop the price up. you know, because we will need it for our excess toilet paper.

how does oil and TP help with poop removal

+ people covering for the weekend and also most traders make more money when the market is more volatile.

good news everyone! the trump presidency is over!

The coronavirus is quite likely to be the Trump presidency’s inflection point, when everything changed, when the bluster and ignorance and shallowness of America’s 45th president became undeniable, an empirical reality, as indisputable as the laws of science or a mathematical equation.

It has taken a good deal longer than it should have, but Americans have now seen the con man behind the curtain. The president, enraged for having been unmasked, will become more desperate, more embittered, more unhinged. He knows nothing will be the same. His administration may stagger on, but it will be only a hollow shell. The Trump presidency is over.

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/03/peter-wehner-trump-presidency-over/607969/

whew, that was close

ah well, nevertheless

nobody cares what the Atlantic thinks

see, the thing that's different about THIS time is that americans are going to see his incompetence up close, i mean really notice it. it's unmistakable. surely they will come to their senses now!!!

the atlantic still publishes good stuff every once in a while

Trump has finally run out of hinges

Tremendous hinges. The best.