I hear the LOLs echoing tonight but she hears only ROFLs of some quiet EXCELSIOR

iirc you "pay your dues" by doing your politicking in dive bars, then in dinky clubs, then touring regionally in spightly better clubs. Then you ink a deal with a major political party. Suddenly you're voting in stadiums and traveling in a tour bus with your logo on the side. Then you have a nightmare descent into drugs and groupies. Then rehab, a return to form, and a comeback tour. That's paying your dues.

Only after you have done so may you properly sing the blues.

― Boot edge edgelord (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, February 27, 2020 5:53 PM (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

....turn the page

― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, February 27, 2020 5:55 PM (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

In August 2000, Yahoo Serious tried to sue the search engine Yahoo! for trademark infringement. The case was thrown out because Serious could not prove that he sells products or services under the name "Yahoo" and therefore could not prove that he suffered harm or confusion due to the search engine.

― sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Saturday, February 29, 2020 10:19 AM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

His brother Google Serious was similarly unsuccessful with his lawsuit

― Ok bloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, February 29, 2020 11:39 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

We have a friend who told us *her* friend in Palo Alto just had to cancel dinner with friends because someone in that other family tested positive.

― Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 29 February 2020 21:43 (thirteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

tough break for Kevin Bacon

― But guess what? Nobody gives a toot!😂 (Karl Malone), Saturday, 29 February 2020 21:49 (seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

those are both like the best type of dad joke

those fucking river cruise ads are awful - 'come and see some of the world's most beautiful vistas on a floating disease vector with a catastrophic carbon footbprint, surrounded by awful cunts just like you'

― Generous Grant for Stepladder Creamery (bizarro gazzara), Monday, March 2, 2020 11:26 AM (twelve minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

i kinda fancy one of those holidays

― Dunty Reggae party 🎉 (Noodle Vague), Monday, March 2, 2020 11:28 AM (ten minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I'm not "listening" to them, I happened to be channel surfing. Nothing will ever "normalize" the Trump administration.

― TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 2 March 2020 23:23 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

You still have channels?

― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Monday, 2 March 2020 23:29 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

Cold lookin' for that hero

― TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 2 March 2020 23:33 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

some editing for maximum lol effect:

How does one disinfect a shaggy dog? I honestly have no idea how to keep Teufel virally clean.
We have no yard, and he must pee. I worry more about him, and what happens with him if I get sick, than I do my 70+ yo parents.

― Save us, Covid19 (Sanpaku)

We have no yard, and he must pee

Man Ellison just isn't trying anymore.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce)

Funnier if he hasn't been dead for several years. Maybe "Rejected Ellison book titles."

dang she should've brought you in for punch-up

am completely certain sanpaku made the reference on purpose, excelsior denied

you are denied!

your mom is denied!

^^^ See, now that's a punch-up!

The marathon is 40,000 people (and that’s just the runners; god knows how many spectators) from all over the world - surely that’s a massive public health risk at the moment?

― Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 4 March 2020 19:14 (six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

yeah plus the one who infects ppl would be really fast so it'd be hard to track them down

― j., Wednesday, 4 March 2020 19:17 (three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Impressed, y'all only bludgeoned that thing for a couple hours but nobody would ever guess that it used to be a horse.

― Waifu-ed Around and Fell in Love (Old Lunch), Thursday, 5 March 2020 00:44 (eleven hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

from the Porn: C/D thread:

seems i really missed out not having a step sister!

― i will FP you and your entire family (rip van wanko), Thursday, March 5, 2020 12:24 AM (seven hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

am completely certain sanpaku made the reference on purpose, excelsior denied

TBF I made the gag well aware that was likely the case, but ... excelsior!

it's kinda funny, my current round of dissertation research concerns the history of sewage treatment and so i'm regularly encountering passages like:

Physical pollution in New York Harbor consists of putrefying deposits of sewage solids on the bottom and shores of the bay and of floating matters of sewage origin. Discharges of oil, refuse and other waste from industrial plants and harbor craft augment the effect of pollution from sewage. Black and unsightly water out of which odorous gases are bubbling is further evidence of sewage pollution

and then i take a break and check ilx and it's like, hey, this thread! my research has contemporary relevance!
― Doctor Casino, Friday, March 6, 2020 6:41 PM (ten minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

denied

stfu

elaborate 'hurr ilx is literal sewage' gags may not be entirely inaccurate, but nor are they remotely funny imo

sorry

hurr

the post itself was interesting enough content-wise; I'm objecting to the excelsioring mostly

*knock at the door*

*knock at the door*

POLICE!! OPEN THE DOOR NOW!!

*knock at the door*

THREAD POLICE!! OPEN THE DOOR NOW!!

this is much kinder than what I was about to post

*door opens and out pours a wall of putrefying, odorous sewage*

*deputy with thread police badge*

DJP you know where the appropriate thread is for that. now where is the perp

specific user such as imago

Bit late to highlight this one, but it struck me today as one of the best album reviews I’ve ever read:

man you know...who's got two thumbs and likes to critically re-evaluate an underrated Dylan ablum? - this guy - but outside of brownsville girl & a couple others knocked out loaded is straight *poop emoji*

― Comme Si, Kamasi (upper mississippi sh@kedown)

It takes all those people to coax the president into taking a crap

worst public enemy LP ever

― majority whip, majority nae nae (m bison), Friday, March 13, 2020 9:36 AM (four minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Irl lols

That's a winner.

lmao

undeniable

lol

Is Russia finally reporting cases?
― Josh in Chicago, Saturday, March 14, 2020 2:08 PM (thirty-eight minutes ago)

Cases are reporting them
― sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Saturday, March 14, 2020 2:08 PM (thirty-eight minutes ago)

Ah the old classix remixed..

Last night Corona led me down a YouTube rabbit hole and I ended up watching a video of an Australian cheese maker making parmesan. He starts his videos by saying "g'day curd nerds" and all the comments are Italians telling him to go fuck himself

— Joe (@josephcorcoran) March 16, 2020

omg I used to play football with that guy regularly, now he's a massive Twitter dude

oh it's just one viral tweet. his breakthrough

anyway it's a tweet so I ought to deny it really but I do know the guy so

i just watched a few of those videos, nothing sends me into existential despair like watching how to make something and at the end it goes "now wait 2 years and then it'll be ready" like that is 5% of my remaining life if i'm being optimistic

the best part is he waited a year to break open that parm and it didn't come out quite right

I need new rpg for iphone 11

― El Tomboto, Wednesday, March 18, 2020 12:56 AM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Dungeons of Chaos look good.

― El Tomboto, Wednesday, March 18, 2020 1:00 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

Nope

― El Tomboto, Wednesday, March 18, 2020 1:26 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

A guy in California just died after going to Disney World and Universal Studios in Orlando. 34 yrs old but had asthma and bronchitis.

― nickn, Thursday, 19 March 2020 21:46 (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

it's a small world after all

― i am a horse girl (map), Thursday, 19 March 2020 21:48 (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

i promise i don't have any lit memes to share with you but my sense is that certain powerful people are perhaps overly confident in their ability to control the potential outcomes of this thing and lack a certain amount of creative imagination when it comes to envisioning the bounds of those possible outcomes

― Kate (rushomancy), Thursday, March 19, 2020 4:51 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

So you're saying they haven't found out about the pitchforks yet.

― There's more Italy than necessary. (in orbit), Thursday, March 19, 2020 4:55 PM

Pro Dog Raw

― Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Thursday, 19 March 2020 19:10 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

Those are very macho dogs.

― A is for (Aimless), Thursday, 19 March 2020 19:44 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

The kind you don't bring home to mother.

― nickn, Thursday, 19 March 2020 21:39 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

yeah I got the flu test last month and it definitely sucks, I thought they were just swabbing my nose and instead jammed it way up into my brain (came back negative, probably had corona virus instead)

― frogbs

negative for brain?

― silby

ok I laughed really hard at this

― k3vin k.

I didn't, can someone explain the joke to me

― frogbs