star wars 9 spoilers and postmortem shit talk

Whoa, trailer for Babu Frik movie has already dropped, what the heck

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk_J0vm3bCI

Good to see they're keeping up with the one-every-second-year schedule which they just proved is too little time for them. So the next trilogy is going to be shit as well. Yay.

just called 1-900-490-FREAK, was very satisfied

aw, i'm bummed to discover that freddie freaker is a past meme; new to me

Oh, did it actually reach meme status? I just remember it from preadolescence when I recorded it off tv and watched it over and over because it was like the funniest thing I'd ever seen.

Baba Frik is actually Boba Fett. So obvious.

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/freddie-freaker

Wow, my childhood, dissected by internet denizens...

I cannot swear to it 100% but if the commercials are intact on this thing you might just bear witness to a Freddie within a Freddy: https://archive.org/details/MTVPresentsTheFreddyKruegerSpecial1988

So glad this thread had derailed into a discussion of Freddie Freaker. My day is made.

tbh the best idea for the series would be to create a stable of fringe characters that do things in larger movies but don't have fleshed-out backstories, giving fanfiction writers and whatever the current version of tumblr teens is the ability to create all their own stories and ideas, and luring them to buy more content that addresses their new faves in ephemeral ways to keep the slash fiction dream alive, all while establishing a bunch more lore for them to pull into their campaigns

no literally one who's posted to this thread has standing to mock tumblr teen fanfic tbf

finn family hornytroll

― mark s, Tuesday, 7 January 2020 12:38 (five hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

i mean

Please, as if the Chewbacca/Maz slashfic of today could stand up against the seven-part novel I wrote at the turn of the century about the rise of Chancellor Valorum and his struggles with an overwhelming vinylwear fetish.

no literally one who's posted to this thread has standing to mock tumblr teen fanfic tbf

When, exactly, did Palpatine fuck? https://t.co/UKgAQj3tE2 pic.twitter.com/i0iOjVfHuY

— io9 (@io9) January 7, 2020

Also how, and where?

The fans demand answers, in explicit and perhaps even revolting detail.

I went and had a quick look cos of course it exists, right? And the answer to your question is Anakin and Obi-Wan (separately).

did those creepy sith acolytes watch? probably.

Do Force ghosts spend their time watching things living Jedi get up to?

one my closest friends has for years been EXTREMELY active on AO3 and can probably talk me though all possible galactic geographies of this in HORRIBLE DETAIL

however we do not quite see eye to eye on the merits of SW* so i am not going to ask in case i offend by my flippancy and am in turned offended by OMG WHO DID WHAT TO WHAT YIKES

*it's rubbish not not-rubbish

lol like I said before I don’t fuck with SW fandom (not that you would know from my posts itt, but I can google so) but the ships are extremely predictable! I don’t think we have a fandom hell thread for this kind of content but you’re probably better off not knowing...

As a general rule, my engagement with the fandom of any given thing I enjoy is limited to (at most) a handful of friends/family members and ILX. It's a policy that's served me well.

Ditto. Serious fandom is scary.

presuming you're not being paid to do so, you guys gotta stop watching these terrible films! They're just gonna make more until you quit!

― Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 7 January 2020 15:45 (yesterday)

I mean, they're not.

― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 7 January 2020 16:16 (yesterday)

They are! The next one is 2022 if not sooner! You did this!

― Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 7 January 2020 16:22 (yesterday)

No, they're not - there isn't going to be a Star Wars X this decade. The three films listed are either the Benioff and Weiss trilogy, which has been very shitcanned, or the Rian Johnson one, which doesn't have much details at all except "new characters from a corner of the galaxy that Star Wars lore has never before explored".

https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/moomin/images/a/a4/Trollkarlenshatt12.png/

To paraphrase my last post: “the current film, which apparently no one likes, will gross a billion dollars by the next week or so (about a 350% return in a month); leading me to think some of the disney beancounters will find a way to make a new one in the next two years.”

It's not a 350% return. They don't get all of the ticket price, and promotion isn't included in the cost.

Gross, then. Would you care to argue that star wars isn’t a fantastic cash cow for disney?

Add 100 to 200 million for promotion, that's a budget of around 450 million. Then you get 50% from NA ticket sale, somewhat less from other territories. I think we're basically at break even right now. Which is very good!

I mean, if you mean "by Jan 2022", can I take some of your money on that?

(blurring for a moment the distinction between "a numbered Star Wars film" and "something else which says Star Wars")

Solo bombed and probably lost money. The future of the 'Star Wars Story' films are unclear. The last two main films created a lot of negative stories about the franchise. I don't think it's a fantastic cash cow, no. They're very expensive films, and they've stopped performing exceptionally well, and now just perform very well. I mean, we're not at DC level trouble, but we're not at Marvel level succes either.

And they have squeezed the lemon by making a lot of noise about the one that's in cinemas right now being "The culmination of the Skywalker Saga"

disney could stop making star wars movies tomorrow and still rake in billions from star-wars related merch, tv shows, and theme park attractions - the franchise is absolutely a cash cow

Disney probably technically has the means to crank out a new SW movie two years from now but if there isn't a secret new entry already well into preproduction at this point chances are slim. Besides which, Disney seems pretty gunshy and dithery wrt the property (see: directorial switcheroos, announcing and retracting announcements of future projects) so I wouldn't be surprised or blame them if they took a minute to count their cash and figure out the best path forward.

Yeah there’s no way they’ll cease making stuff while Star Wars is an excuse to print money. Which it very much is!

TV/streaming seems like the best bet in the short term. Float some lower-stakes stuff, see what sticks, use that observed wisdom going forward with the film projects.

The best/worst part is that real profits mean nothing compared to ridiculous shareholder expectations which might not be met at the current level

Companies have to magically have year-over-year profits grow at unfeasible rates. The next movie might be titled “Visit Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge at Our Theme Parks Right Now (You Assholes)”

turns out the real dark lord of the sith,,, was capitalism

adam sith

Ships aside, no one in any of these movies has much in the way of material possessions, let alone the spoils of wealth, not even, afaict, homes. I don't even know where the material to build all these ships and weapons come from. (Did I read something about how in this movie the bad guy supposedly just uses hand-wavy magic Force energy or something to manifest a fleet?) I never had a clue what the baddies' power grab was ever all about, either. Take over the universe for ... what? What gain? Space gold?

xpost Tbf, The Force is the ultimate Invisible Hand.

https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.electronicproducts.com%2FuploadedImages%2FAnalog_Mixed_Signal_ICs%2FCommunications%2FUnlimited%2520Power%2520Gif.gif&f=1&nofb=1

^ those motivations in full

(villain at last attains ultimate power, spends all subsequent days masturbating with no hands)

is it bad for bb-8 to see you masturbating with no hands

Don't you mean MasturBB-8?

I mean yeah the cartoonish ambitions of bad dudes and their unquenchable thirst for 'MOAH POWAH!' as if they're some kind of supervirus racing to burn out its host as quickly as possible...it's all fucking ridiculous when you ask the question 'and then what?' more than like three times but I guess we're getting daily reminders of late just how real this incoherent tendency is.

Like they never even do anything cool or interesting with ultimate power. Hey, you have the galaxy under your thumb, why not force people to perform in that weird rock opera you wrote when you were fourteen?

I think the motivations in the first films were very easy to understand because they just kinda made sense. Some guy wants to be emperor, yeah, that happens. The republic fell, the senate got abolished. Again, things like that happens. I did like how in the prequels there was kinda this Sword & Sandal theme to some of it, to go along with the Fall of the Roman Republic subtext. Even a sci-fi chariot race! A big problem with the new trilogy was that they never really bothered to explain what on earth was going on anyway, it was just an order fighting a resistance, and... It was kinda hard to grasp.

I've built up this pet peeve over the last few years, where I really think the Clone Wars should have been a clone slave uprising a la Spartacus. It is kinda a big problem with the prequels that Lucas seems kinda scared to put a finger on exactly why the Republic collapsed, apart from taxation and separatism, where it was never really clear what the stakes were.