Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

(xxpost) The one near me still smells like Willy Wonka's bathroom, although it does cover up the smell of desperation from the salesmen in the mobile phone shop next door.

(CUSTOS TRIBUTE MONTH!)

you could edit a new team into FM consisting entirely of near-crippled 97-vintage Luchadors, all chewing on a kebab while Blitzkrieg racks up the assists and Ciclope's disciplinary record becomes a cause for concern

^^^ Believe this is next season's Luton squad.

your favourite jokes about wwe

Villano IV Flattered By Canaries Interest

Luchadors <<< mis-read this as Labradors...

What's Chris Benoit's favourite Junior "Gong" Marley song?
The one where he says "murder" a lot (Chris Benoit strangled before his wife and son to death before hanging himself)!

Jake Roberts: No no, you don't understand! Crack Smoke Into The Police Officer's Face is the name of my dog!

Big thing of Tesco frozen "summer fruits" + juice + yogurt + banana = what, a fiver? If going by Innocent's pitifully small portion size, the above ingredients will make about a dozen smoothies, all of which taste better and are fresh. Look, I just out-smugged Innocent.

yeah but Tesco are the real enemy (lol 1up)

AND I WAS DOING SO WELL

What if I lug home my frozen "summer fruits" in a 50p Tesco reusable grocery bag? That saves the lives of several African children each time, IIRC.

Q. WHY WAS CHRIS BENOIT ANGRY AT THE GUARDIAN'S ACCUSATION THAT TESCO ENGAGES IN TAX-DODGING?
A. BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT SHOWING ENOUGH RESPECT FOR (THE) BUSINESS!

What's Chris Benoit's least favourite Elton John song?
Daniel (he killed his son Daniel before hanging himself)!

xxxxxxxxxxp
Lush was like this years ago though when it was Cosmetics To Go. Back then it really was a refreshing change.

http://a261.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/00594/06/20/594990260_l.jpg

philipplahmforum.jpg is a better and more widely-applicable jpg meme than your crummy attempt mr acrobat

xpost

Those guys have never seen the inside of a Lush store.

Again, instead of buying Lush products you can just blend seaweed, olive oil and lye in a rectilinear mold, give it two weeks to "set" and bob's your uncle.

It's not the same if you don't buy it off a floppy fringed pierced guy called Jason for 28.95

they have guys working in there?

(xxpost)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f6/Fight_Club_bar_of_soap.jpg

Jason work in Boots. Hugo and Louis work in Lush. xxpost

anyone who catches me working in lush has the right to drown me in shower-gel

"he died of natural ingredients"

LOL

oh oh oh I can make a crap joek here!
Q: Did you hear about the robbers who held up a branch of Lush?
A: They made a clean getaway...

Today I went free to a big charity cricket function, ended up captaining the Popbitch XI, won us a game, and drank about 7 smoothies.

I have been on some sort of completely ridiculous sugar-rush ever since.

But there is more. Vitamin Water from Glaceau (owned by Coca-Cola) is a new product aimed at being our fucking mate. It puts Innocent to SHAME in terms of bloodcurdling label blurb. I collected the labels of all five different flavours, and if you're lucky, when I wake up I'll reprint them here.

They are, without exception, criminal.

http://www.glaceau.com/

Fucking destroy

OMG IN THE TOP CORNER ON THE SITE THERE IS AN ACUTE ACCENT ON THE E OF GLACEAU

THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MICROSECOND

THEN READ ALL THE BLURBS ON THE SIDE OF THEIR VITAMINWATER BOTTLES

THEN SCREAM A LONG LONG SCREAM

I THINK IF YOU ARE SO EASILY REDUCED TO SCREAMING

THEN YOU AREN'T GOING TO LAST VERY LONG BACK IN LEWISHAM

SERIOUSLY CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN YOU PASS A NEWSAGENT

FUCK'S SAKE

';)'

Did not 50 Cent originally own Vitamins Wadders and then sell it to Coke for many a pretty penny?

Yeah, $100 million. Credit crunch really hitting him hard.

Or $400 million. Or a coupla million. Anyway a lot.

so is this like the smoothie version of http://www.muffinfilms.com/ ?

Never heard of this product, but hating it so much already:

We'll spare you the cheesy "on hold music"

Thanks... Oh wait a minute it's a website oh that's sooooo meta FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF

vitaminwater - it works

You know, because there are so many other beverage products that don't work. If I had a dollar for every time I've drunk plain old stupid water out of a tap and I've ended up feeling more thirsty...

fruitwater - natural is healthy, artificial is not

Here's some water containing extract of deadly nightshade - it's healthy, because it's natural!

so is this like the smoothie version of http://www.muffinfilms.com/ ?

I bet a lot of people go to that site expecting a different kind of muffin film. I also suspect that their muffins taste like styrofoam.

muffinfilms isn't actually a muffin company lol

Anyone who spends $4 on a bottle of Vitamin Water is a dead set cunt.

b-b-b-but it's got electrolytes!

It's got what plants crave?

(xpost) so does battery acid

I wrote to them two years suggesting that since they were on a mission to make the world a better place for you and for me and the entire human race, they might want to make themselves a worker and consumer co-op, so their groovy staff got a share of the business, and they could share the love with the punters, perhaps linking dividends to a scheme to incentivize recycling the bottles or returning them.

Amazingly, they never replied.

revive

fruit punch (b+potassium)

ahh home at last. it's late. you've looked and smelt
better. it takes a full five minutes to find your house
keys (plus another five to fit into the locks they were
uniquely made for) and now you have just bitten a
chunk out of your flatmate's block of cheese.
we've all been there, and it's not pretty. actually,
it's pretty ugly. but there is hope. here at the center
for responsible hydration we have developed a
revitalising livener of potassium and b vitamins to
help you wake up feeling like last night never
happened........unless you snogged your boss.

power-c

dragonfruit (c+b's)

popeye had it easy. a can of spinach and he
bulked up to save olive from the clutches of evil
bluto. sometimes we all need an injection of
strength. just ask dave who spent three days
wading through the mud at glastonbury (and three
days after in bed) or fiona who left early, minus her
modesty, when her portaloo® was washed away
into an adjoining field. oops! the nutrients in this
bottle won't enable you to walk on mud, or
become a strapping sailor man, but they will help
you beat your granny in an arm wrestle.

spark

tropical citrus (b+guarana)

ever wanted to skateboard down a really high
mountain but can't muster up the energy? ever
thought about doing a handstand on the wings of a
747 at 20,000ft but lack the get up and go? ever
felt like racing a greyhound but feel exhausted just
at the thought? this might help. with added
b vitamins, guarana extract and natural caffeine,
this drink will give you that extra spark, but please
note the word 'might'. after all, it would be
preposterous to think that a bottle of glacéau
vitaminwater, however delicious, could actually
help you do those things.

essential

orange-orange (c+calcium)

waking up with a mouth that feels like a hedgehog
slept in it. bbqing your finger on the toaster
because your eyes are glued shut with morningitis.
viewing a packet of prawn cocktail crisps as a
nutritional breakfast option because of the seafood
content. ah, glorious mornings. but, here's the thing.
set yourself up for better a.m's in one easy swig.
a gulp from thie bottle sends a bunch of essential
calcium and vitamin c swirling around your body.
so start as you mean to go on, every morning.
get this down you and ditch the hedgehog.

multi-v

lemonade (b-zinc)

today, it's simply not enough to do one thing.
trainers double up as roller skates, and printers
also fax, copy and scan. actually our friend gloria
swears she even found one with its own page on
facebook®. as for mobile phones, just about the
only thing they can't do is make dinner (we know
because rob tried to make pancakes - he didn't
quite get the idea behind a 'flip' phone, ahem),
to help you find direction in our mad world, we
created this drink which is full of nutrients, from
b vitamins to zinc. and no annoying ringtone.

made for the center for responsible hydration (aka glacéau).

30 may be the new 20, but green is definitely the
new black. please recycle.