star wars 9 spoilers and postmortem shit talk

ep5 dumbest moment has to be the abominable snowman

Just imagine, there was supposed to be a whole pack of abominable snowmen running rampant through the rebel base!

i watched episode two last night and anakin in his courting of padme tells her that she is "smooth"

The 'brushing dust off the shoulder' gag was almost certainly the dumbest part of TLJ for me but it could've totally conveyed the same sentiment and actually landed as a mildly humorous moment if Luke had done kind of a casual double take at the dust on his shoulder before absently brushing it away in an 'oh, bother' fashion rather than staring defiantly into the camera as if he was just hoping someone would splice him into a Supa Hot Fire video.

There's obviously a lot bad about Ep II, but I feel we're sleeping on Obi-Wan dropping in on his informant, the short-order cook at the space diner.

Sir, I will not sit idly by while you besmirch the good name of Dexter Jettster. It is a very, very good name befitting a fine and beloved character. I demand satisfaction.

xp I thought he was doing Chuck Norris

the dumbest bit of every SW film 1-9 (except 4) is that we never discover that yoda's first name is minch

a clone wars arc (one episode of which is the only thing walter murch has directed since return to oz) featured a brutal republic general of dexter jettster's species who walked with two hands clasped officiously behind his back and the other two thrust squarely away from the body in the manner g.w. bush sometimes used to affect. v good use of dexter jettster.

the worst part of clones is the droid factory, where it is clear that none of the characters can have any control at all over whether or not they survive the action scene, unless this is the best part.

^Agreed — plus, the characters end the long action scene exactly where they began (IIRC), rendering it narratively pointless. Same with Obi-Wan’s space fight against Jango Fett; both scenes could be cut, with nothing lost.

(Their spacecraft fight; not their hand-to-hand combat on Kamino, obv.)

The giant nightmarish waves in this one were nicely giant & nightmarish

Palpatine had a kid??? Ughhhh
Also: HORSES ON STAR DESTORYERS ? nope

Whole lotta close face emoting in this one

The latter is a weird place to draw a line

Did Lil Palpatine also get all pruny when Samuel L melted his face?

We were speculating about Bride of Palpatine after the fillum and I decided that episode X will at some point feature a becloaked McDiarmid slowly approaching the camera before pulling back his hood to reveal a headful of flowing blonde locks, which is when we discover that it is his babymama, Palpatina. Palpatina Palpatine.

Oh, yes, I actually am a total idiot, why do you ask

The Rise of A String of Paloponnies

oscar “i would only work for disney again at gunpoint” isaac pic.twitter.com/RSVGeNe1eV

— madeline, adam driver’s pr manager (@boobooben) December 28, 2019

good for him!

got paid

(ex machina dance scene gif)

lol that thread is amazing - he’s so annoyed that Disney wouldn’t let Poe and Finn get together

He’s right and he should say it!

he is and he should!

kinda sucks that the first gay kiss in a star war is between two anonymous bit players and it happens right in the scene where it would make perfect sense for finn and poe to play tonsil hockey in loving closeup for three to six minutes

tonsil holo-chess

this had some occasionally satisfying (if under-designed) spectacle, but for me the story was an overcrowded mess and every single idea for who the characters should be and where they should end up seemed insane. i had a MUCH harder time getting in sync with abrams's fizzy good-time adventure vibe than i did in episode 7 - think it's a mix of how nakedly fetch-questy and forced the adventure itself is, and how clunkily he's undoing all the interesting stuff from episode 8. johnson cleared the deck for a "this could go ANYWHERE" third movie, totally and explicitly unburdened from the ghosts of the past and even episode 7's lame surrogates for same. opening the movie with "no nevermind, the big villain is actually PALPATINE" was so deflating for me that it was like an hour before i could get even residual thrills out of watching this great cast hang out together doing space stuff. the desperate urge to backfill and make it into a 9-film "saga" leads to an ending that barely feels like a conclusion to the two films that preceded it, let alone the other six.

just very silly and fanfic-like at all levels, a real letdown imho.

i agree with that

No but you see Palpy was the actual surprise villain of every third film. So it rhymes, like a poem. In fact I think it's fair to just call it poetry.

There once was a Sith from Nantucket

kinda sucks that the first gay kiss in a star war is between two anonymous bit players and it happens right in the scene where it would make perfect sense for finn and poe to play tonsil hockey in loving closeup for three to six minutes

― hot nuts (small) (bizarro gazzara),

otm

Those Oscar Isaac interviews are really incredible, amazing that he's so upfront about that stuff

NNNNOPE!

I love him.

gonna push back on finpo - i caught zero sexvibes between those two. tbh i didn't with rey/kylo either - that kiss felt real wrong to me. maybe in time they could have gotten there but... right then?? anyway i don't see this movie as somehow traducing the true nature of their relationship.

poe and bb-8 on the other hand

TBF, he probably made enough coin off of this three-fer that he doesn't need to worry too much about whether the big studios want what he's selling, so why not just make jerk-off motions in every interview.

i am also someone who did not detect sexual tension between kylo and rey in tlj, felt more sibling-ish to me, but i also hate all arbitrary hetero romance in otherwise non-romance movies

like can a few characters just talk to each other without the mood being strangled by the idea that they might make out

I always thought the Indiana Jones style of arbitrary hetero romance (we are hooking up because the adrenaline is cranking through us rn, and I will not even mention your name by the time the next film rolls around) was the most realistic.

gonna push back on finpo - i caught zero sexvibes between those two. tbh i didn't with rey/kylo either

eh even before Isaac dropped hints in 2015 it's obvious from the way Poe gazed at Finn in TFA that something else was going on

"felt more sibling-ish to me"

https://allthatsinteresting.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/tut-and-wife-ii.jpg

I definitely think we were meant to at least see Kylo as desirous of Rey if not the other way around. kinda tough to imagine that he thought they should "rule together" or whatever but just as pals

those tweets of oscar isaac being unable to fake his way through press junket stuff are seriously bringing me more joy than basically anything in the film

serious GOT s8 red carpet vibes

lol mark s

I would love to drink a scotch with Oscar Isaac.

opening the movie with "no nevermind, the big villain is actually PALPATINE" was so deflating for me that it was like an hour before i could get even residual thrills out of watching this great cast hang out together doing space stuff.

Completely, painfully otm

I was angry at the movie as soon as I read the first sentence of the crawl

the dead speak

i know i'm biased but:

the taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems being in dispute >>>> the dead speaking