star wars 9 spoilers and postmortem shit talk

I took Exogol for a hangover once, with water.

it's weird to care about any of the fake-ass characters in this bloodless collection of "story beats"

this was good! enjoyed it a lot more than the last jedi. i did feel kind of bored and disoriented by a lot of of the shoot-em-up scenes, but this is probably more my issue than the movie's -- i can't play modern video games either.

there is something a little redundant about the new trilogy, so i do kind of wonder how much anyone will care about them in a decade or two. i think rey is great but i couldn't really make myself care about any of the other new characters. i don't think any of the films compares all that well to their equivalent in the original three -- ppl criticize the corny stuff in ROTJ and they're not wrong but the faceoff there between luke and vader and palpatine feels genuinely mythic and intense in a way that the more violent showdown at the end of this movie doesn't.

It is intriguing to think what Rian Johnson might be able to do with his own trilogy (if he really ends up doing it), when he’s freed from the constraints of the Resistance/First Order conflict — which led to the weakest parts of TLJ, IMO (which is not to “let him off the hook” for the weakness of those parts!).

Sad that they recycled a bunch of Emperor lines but failed to have him scream “UNLIMITED POWER!”

movie made half a billion dollars already so despite the tepid reviews (most of which I disagree with) I doubt that anyone on the business side is considering this a disappointment.

I expected Sidious to yell UNLIMITED POWER when blasting the ships tbh

for all the time and energy that ppl have dedicated to the star wars universe, watching this movie reminded me anew that so much of the shit that happens in these movies makes no sense. when palpatine picks up the unconscious kylo ren and throws him down a cliff i kinda went, "wow, that's a hell of a way to kill that character." and of course he comes crawling back in the next scene, none the worse for wear. probably just as well they didn't even try to explain how palpatine could come back after literally exploding.

xpost: he should've said "i am the emperor of these united galaxies, clothed with immense power!"

"so much of the shit that happens in these movies makes no sense" I kept wondering why they didn't just shoot and kill our heroes multiple times.

Alfred, same!

pic.twitter.com/4cEFGEf26G

— Obi-Shawn Kenohmygodshutup (@neddamnwahs) December 26, 2019

Since I have been so contentious, I should say that:

- This movie coaxed one of Anthony Daniels's best performances in any of them, using him at least as well as Kersh did in Empire. Every word out of his mouth was gold, and if anything he pushes Poe's buttons even more than Han's.

- Chewbacca's "WHY DOES EVERYONE I LOVE DIE?!" breakdown was actually really affecting. All he's got left in his life from the last 40 years are two droids, one of which he doesn't really like very much. (Although it's weird that nobody ever acknowledges his relationship with Ben.)

- I did like the move from the very simple effect in TLJ of water droplets appearing on Kylo's glove after their one Forcetime session where Rey is in the rain; to full-on transfer of physical objects and then, essentially, bilocation.

- It took me a second viewing to realize that Rey's lightsaber at the end is made of her old staff, which is pretty cool.

reminded me of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
“this is... the weapon of a scavenger”

Yeah Chewie's little breakdown was pretty sad... isnt he supposed to be many hundreds of years old? Youd think he'd be used to all his friends dying over & over by now

I’ve always related to C-3PO: whiny, effete, barely tolerated by friends, constantly falling apart

i liked that when they completely wiped C3PO, he continued to act in the same insufferable manner, only now he didn't know who anyone was.

lol i am in the doghouse w/my niece (12)* for loudly hissing "FOR FvCK's SAKE" when ren's hand poked back up from the abyss, after he had been so casually (=satisfactorily) dispatched there by emperor p

also: woah and indeed yikes lando claiming central role in all previous victories then putting the middle-aged moves on jannah

*i asked her what the best and worst bits were, she said "worst is when you SWORE uncle, and there is no best bcz they were all as good"

kylo ren and throws him down a cliff i kinda went, "wow, that's a hell of a way to kill that character." and of course he comes crawling back in the next scene, none the worse for wear.

This was dumb, but to be fair, he died minutes later

"he's good now"

he is pretty near death at that point, which is why him transferring the life force essentially takes the last of his life away.

this is also a universe where a Darth Maul who had been bisected came back to life, and Darth Vader basically got turned into origami paper on a volcano before miraculously being turned into Robocop, so I just kind of view death as not final in this universe now as a default

lol when ren and rey kissed i was like "aren't they brother and sister?" having already decided that ren is the child of leia and luke (also borther and sister): all this goofy pharaonic shit makes sense to me in ref this franchise even tho not quite technically correct (bcz i don't really care i guess)

also they show him not getting blown over by the Falcon exhaust while his Stormtroopers are falling 700 feet back from the thrusters, so perhaps he had some weird Sith/Jedi floaty mechanism

being that the Original Trilogy was a fairly on-the-nose allegory for Christianity, having everybody related to each other and possibly fucking kinda makes sense in a way

all the films need is Aslan.

no one fucks in narnia, this is canon

except tumnus maybe

remember when Susan and Lucy wonder what Silenus does after drinking all that wine

the entire bacchus + schoolgirls drunk party scene is the weirdest shit given that CSL is alleged by some to be xtian

more like bachthatassup amirite

apparently the official lucasfilm line is that Anakin was Palpy as a father figure but that was the extent of their relationship, so Ben/Kylo has no real connection and there is definitely no royal incest angle

I still find it hard to believe anyone fucks in this franchise, except maybe the horny old lady who wants to jump Chewie

thinking back on shirtless Kylo and the wet hand, still baffled there are ppl who don't consider those scenes in TLJ horny

xp oh the midichlorians fuck

those scenes are definitely horny, as is the fighting on Death Star ruins in the water

i haven't seen this but i don't like it

― i chop up the orange and chomp on the inside of it (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 20 December 2019 09:47 (one week ago) bookmarkflaglink

i have seen this and i don’t like it

so perhaps he had some weird Sith/Jedi floaty mechanism

I rewatched the beginning of The Phantom Menace last night (...I know); Qui-Gon and Obi-Won do this thing I never noticed, where they scoot away from some enemy droids super fast; then they drop like 30 ft. into a hangar without a scratch (via bad CGI). So, yeah.

probably just as well they didn't even try to explain how palpatine could come back after literally exploding.

not palpy’s boat

tbf if merry had just said "some stupid sith bullshit lol" we wd be cheering the line to the echo, why don't the lore-continuity nerds know this yet?

lampshade hanging but disarmingly flimsy, is CINEMA

— martin scorsese

Palpy came back as clone(s) in the old EU. I’m glad they didn’t bother explaining his return in this movie, there’s no point.

important content imo: https://www.vulture.com/2019/12/does-j-j-abrams-know-adam-driver-is-hot-an-investigation.html

Xpost Nobody recognized him initially because he went by "Roy Hodgson" when he resurfaced

xxp Sheeev Paalpatine

I seem to have changed my display name after I had drinks yesterday. Just going to roll with it for now

protect babu frik at all costs

I have decided not to change my dn to "babu frik 'fuck a fan' contest"

babu frik fuck a fan at all costs

babu frik doodoodoodoo *to the tune of baby shark*

Btw, if we haven’t mentioned it yet, Babu is voiced by the actor on the right here:

https://c8.alamy.com/comp/PM6G7J/film-still-publicity-still-from-24-hour-party-people-steve-coogan-shirley-henderson-2002-united-artists-photo-credit-jon-shard-PM6G7J.jpg