star wars 9 spoilers and postmortem shit talk

I had to read a plot summary of the last movie while sitting thru trailers for this one. this is a good review crew.

I just reviewed Wookiepedia — FWIW, both the “Legends” and “Canon” sections say that the midi-chlorians “conceived” Anakin, in response to Darth(s) Plagueis & Sidious’s meddling in the Force (and to “restore balance,” etc.).

I’ve also heard the fan theory about P & S creating Anakin, but if it’s not in WOOKIEPEDIA....

have you cross-referenced with Encyclopedia Ewoktanica?

I'm convinced nobody in this universe has sex

Including the fans

episode 2 was mainly fuckin iirc

Maybe I’m just easy to please… I thought it was cool and satisfying when Ray’s parents were said to be “nobodies” (although I suspected that was misdirection); and I thought it was cool and satisfying when she was revealed to be Palpatine’s granddaughter!

you know what else is cool and satisfying:

https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Coca-Cola

Blue milk is my bev of choice, lol

its a shame about rey

on Tattooine, under the dust her name is still engraved

#thankyourianjohnson is trending worldwide lol this is kind of a disaster for Abrams.

me: why is JJ Abrams so keen to celebrate hereditary power & legacy?
google: he's the child of two successful Hollywood producers, and recently got his college-age son a job writing Spider-Man, the most coveted job at Marvel.
me: never mind.

— Gavia Baker-Whitelaw (@Hello_Tailor) December 24, 2019

We haven't even discussed the Fortnite angle yet!

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

#thankyoujjabrams for fixing the mistakes that were made by Rian Johnson. I am so pleased! pic.twitter.com/aQ1nLtDwpY

— ❄🎄Darth Phoenix 🎁☃️ (@PatrickDeRaaff) December 24, 2019

Remember when the first order destroyed that planet and it turned out that the only two people we cared about from there magically managed to escape?

I've had arguments with three people about JJ "fixing" shit

Did he "fix" Star Trek too?

I can see his wrench from here.

I can hear you retch from here.

http://biggerluke.wikidot.com/bigger-luke

the most vexing unresolved plot thread for sure

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EMfcxI_X0AMLc-D?format=jpg&name=medium

that's the kind of wildcard thinking that keeps you alive!

Originally Emperor wanted Rey killed and for Ren to kill him and absorb all the Sith and become the new Emperor.

He never asks Ren to bring her to him. Ren decided to do that on his own so they could both kill him.

When Ren threw his saber away, Palpatine knew he couldn't use him as a vessel anymore. He knew she was headed there and bringing the Resistance with her so he changed his plan and instead tried to turn her and have her become the new Empress, absorbing all the Sith.

Then, he accidentally steals life force from both, since they're a dyad, and his strength returns and he no longer needs life support and says "fuck it - i can be Emperor myself again"

It did take me multiple views to suss that out since Abrams did a shitty job of laying it out

It's also entirely possible that he planned it all, but that old cunt always claims things are his plan

You’ve nailed it (and I thought it was clear enough on one viewing).

Also, remember he changes his mind at the end of ROTJ, and goes from trying to convert Luke to killing him (when Luke refuses to be “turned”). It’s not like the guy can’t think on the fly.

If a senatorial candidate ran on "Preemptive infanticide for midichlorian carriers: this fuckery must end", I'd vote for them.

It did take me multiple views

why

Months ago, when star wars land first opened, somebody asked Rey her family name and she said, "I used to be Rey from nowhere... but now I'm Rey from the Resistance" what I'm saying is the ad lib from a theme park performer was better and more emotional than the real screenplay

— Jenny Nicholson (don't talk to me about star wars) (@JennyENicholson) December 25, 2019

heard u been talking shit

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EMlhcuuWoAMP3EY?format=jpg&name=large

xp Why does she think that was an ad-lib?

Also, the Resistance is (presumably) over at the end of the movie; having her choose the Skywalker name has tons of emotional resonance.

It really really does not

What would you have preferred? “I’m Rey, from the Resistance” (roll credits)?

"I'm Rey Rodriguez of Tatooine Honda."

Yeah. Rey Charles. Rey Ridley. Or anything else. Why end with her name? The name isn't the point.

Rey-An Johnson

If the point of the final scene escapes you, there’s probably no point in me trying to explain it.

If you don't see why I find it pointless, there's probably no point in me trying to explain it.

Cool!

Rey paused so long before giving her surname they should've shown the old woman had got tired of waiting and wandered off.

lmao that would have been amazing. surely this edit is possible with the footage we have??

Luke's the father she never knew. family's what you make it. seems like a pretty good message.

Thinking about it, the thing I really want to happen was her all of a sudden going blank, like when the jedis feel a disturbance in the force, and she says 'I... I think my name is Daisy Ridley...' And then there's a shot from her pov, a 360 degree pan, and it's filled with blurrs and splotches, but some of them are legible as camera and crew, and then, at the end of the pan, a smiling force ghost. George Lucas.

Cut to credits. Williams' Star Wars theme. But underwater. In a loop. Like The Caretaker.

I might not be, like, in the core audience for this film.

Rey paused so long before giving her surname they should've shown the old woman had got tired of waiting and wandered off.

― nashwan, Wednesday, December 25, 2019

same thought at the time

more than anything it's just incredible, bordering on malpractice, that Kennedy, JJ and co. didn't just sit in a writers' room for a few months after they purchased the rights and simply hashed out a coherent narrative for three movies, AKA the basic work that almost every even bog-standard narrative TV series does. the only real wrench in the production over the course of the decade was Carrie Fisher's death, and clearly they had plenty of ways around that. the reactionary film-to-film approach clearly did their box office returns no favors.

won't somebody think of the box office returns??

I'm just saying that even from a sheer corporate standpoint (the way I have to imagine all SW decisions are made) it didn't make sense!

anyway Lindsay is making the important points

#trosspoilers #spoilers given that there’s no way unnamed son is older than 35 in the flashback, Palpatine definitely fucked after he got face melted.

— FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION “BEAUTIFUL GHOSTS” (@thelindsayellis) December 25, 2019