star wars 9 spoilers and postmortem shit talk

Horny for her cousin?

just cos she calls herself Skywalker as an adopted name does not mean she's related to Ben

the general point holds tho. Abram can be blamed, he made all of the choices regarding her lineage.

I guess, but... this is Star Wars. It always seemed pretty certain to me that Rey would turn out to come from some important lineage, it was just a question of how they’d pull it off. (But I’m also not immersed in the minutiae of the creative tug-of-war btw. Johnson and Abrams, or whatever.)

also Billy Dee Williams finally stopped pronouncing Han with a short "a" sound.

xp I watched too much YouTube about this movie the other day. One of them was going on about a line in ep3 meaning that Palpatine mystically impregnated Vader's mom... which was backed up in some canonical comic.

Re "horny for her cousin"

That would make them first cousin once removed

(I was joking about The Ineffable Gravity Of Star Wars forcing poor JJ to get as close as he could manage to Leia almost fucking her brother, I don't know anything at all about Palpatine outside of seeing the original movies as a kid. I'm not even sure if Adam Driver is Darth Vader's kid or not)

in some galaxies it's not even an issue, even when there's sex involved

I had to read a plot summary of the last movie while sitting thru trailers for this one. this is a good review crew.

I just reviewed Wookiepedia — FWIW, both the “Legends” and “Canon” sections say that the midi-chlorians “conceived” Anakin, in response to Darth(s) Plagueis & Sidious’s meddling in the Force (and to “restore balance,” etc.).

I’ve also heard the fan theory about P & S creating Anakin, but if it’s not in WOOKIEPEDIA....

have you cross-referenced with Encyclopedia Ewoktanica?

I'm convinced nobody in this universe has sex

Including the fans

episode 2 was mainly fuckin iirc

Maybe I’m just easy to please… I thought it was cool and satisfying when Ray’s parents were said to be “nobodies” (although I suspected that was misdirection); and I thought it was cool and satisfying when she was revealed to be Palpatine’s granddaughter!

you know what else is cool and satisfying:

https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Coca-Cola

Blue milk is my bev of choice, lol

its a shame about rey

on Tattooine, under the dust her name is still engraved

#thankyourianjohnson is trending worldwide lol this is kind of a disaster for Abrams.

me: why is JJ Abrams so keen to celebrate hereditary power & legacy?
google: he's the child of two successful Hollywood producers, and recently got his college-age son a job writing Spider-Man, the most coveted job at Marvel.
me: never mind.

— Gavia Baker-Whitelaw (@Hello_Tailor) December 24, 2019

We haven't even discussed the Fortnite angle yet!

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

#thankyoujjabrams for fixing the mistakes that were made by Rian Johnson. I am so pleased! pic.twitter.com/aQ1nLtDwpY

— ❄🎄Darth Phoenix 🎁☃️ (@PatrickDeRaaff) December 24, 2019

Remember when the first order destroyed that planet and it turned out that the only two people we cared about from there magically managed to escape?

I've had arguments with three people about JJ "fixing" shit

Did he "fix" Star Trek too?

I can see his wrench from here.

I can hear you retch from here.

http://biggerluke.wikidot.com/bigger-luke

the most vexing unresolved plot thread for sure

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EMfcxI_X0AMLc-D?format=jpg&name=medium

that's the kind of wildcard thinking that keeps you alive!

Originally Emperor wanted Rey killed and for Ren to kill him and absorb all the Sith and become the new Emperor.

He never asks Ren to bring her to him. Ren decided to do that on his own so they could both kill him.

When Ren threw his saber away, Palpatine knew he couldn't use him as a vessel anymore. He knew she was headed there and bringing the Resistance with her so he changed his plan and instead tried to turn her and have her become the new Empress, absorbing all the Sith.

Then, he accidentally steals life force from both, since they're a dyad, and his strength returns and he no longer needs life support and says "fuck it - i can be Emperor myself again"

It did take me multiple views to suss that out since Abrams did a shitty job of laying it out

It's also entirely possible that he planned it all, but that old cunt always claims things are his plan

You’ve nailed it (and I thought it was clear enough on one viewing).

Also, remember he changes his mind at the end of ROTJ, and goes from trying to convert Luke to killing him (when Luke refuses to be “turned”). It’s not like the guy can’t think on the fly.

If a senatorial candidate ran on "Preemptive infanticide for midichlorian carriers: this fuckery must end", I'd vote for them.

It did take me multiple views

why

Months ago, when star wars land first opened, somebody asked Rey her family name and she said, "I used to be Rey from nowhere... but now I'm Rey from the Resistance" what I'm saying is the ad lib from a theme park performer was better and more emotional than the real screenplay

— Jenny Nicholson (don't talk to me about star wars) (@JennyENicholson) December 25, 2019

heard u been talking shit

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EMlhcuuWoAMP3EY?format=jpg&name=large

xp Why does she think that was an ad-lib?

Also, the Resistance is (presumably) over at the end of the movie; having her choose the Skywalker name has tons of emotional resonance.

It really really does not

What would you have preferred? “I’m Rey, from the Resistance” (roll credits)?

"I'm Rey Rodriguez of Tatooine Honda."

Yeah. Rey Charles. Rey Ridley. Or anything else. Why end with her name? The name isn't the point.

Rey-An Johnson

If the point of the final scene escapes you, there’s probably no point in me trying to explain it.

If you don't see why I find it pointless, there's probably no point in me trying to explain it.