star wars 9 grim resignation thread

It's all a bedtime story being told by an elderly Jar-Jar to his brood of younglings.

I will assume Rey, like Anakin, is a Palpatine mind baby as the latter will reveal in this (possibly with flashbacks, possibly confirmed by FG Anakin himself)

Luke will appear as a Force ghost or at least a disembodied voice

I think this is guaranteed! I predict a few other Force ghosts will appear, as well...

(xpost)

I can’t think of any way to make Rey fit into the larger storyline that doesn’t feel terribly, well, “Forced”

rey is a time-travelling, shape-shifting watto

I demand Yoda do his giggling while kicking his legs move again

A rebus 4 u all

https://am22.akamaized.net/tms/cnt/uploads/2018/08/oscar-isaac-poe-dameron.jpg
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/a/af/Rey_Star_Wars.png/220px-Rey_Star_Wars.png
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/5/5c/C-3PO_droid.png/220px-C-3PO_droid.png
https://lumiere-a.akamaihd.net/v1/images/teebo_48370833.jpeg

the raves are rolling in

Tweeting through tears - #TheRiseofSkywalker isn’t the best Star Wars film, but it is the ULTIMATE Star Wars film. A truly stunning finale to a nine film saga. Only weird thing was the amount of screen time spent on characters wolfing down raw vidalia onions. I ADORED this movie.

— ben mekler (@benmekler) December 17, 2019

Okay, seriously, you need to give some sort of warning before posting things like that so my coworkers don't think I'm having some sort of fit.

avengers endgame vibes from that tweet

I dunno, I don't feel like the consumption of Vidalia onions was quite as front-and-center in Endgame. I'm glad to see Abrams is apparently willing to go all-in on that front.

lol at that guy's Cats tweet being quoted so many places

oh lmao my brain sure skipped over the raw vidalia onions

pic.twitter.com/Nyxq2ktufB

— ben mekler (@benmekler) December 17, 2019

lol

Thanks to red carpet coverage on Twitter I learned that Kathleen Kennedy has a twin sister, Connie, who works in visual effects production, including on a bunch of Disney and Marvel stuff.

https://i0.wp.com/dapsmagic.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/H120917A-2321.jpg?resize=800%2C533&ssl=1

I've never been happier about the media paying scant attention to the things they feverishly publish.

xpost

glad at least one person out there is using their blue check for good

The (actually pretty dark) RedLetter take down of the hype cites about a half dozen, maybe more, publications that used a verbatim headline about the movie breaking box office records before it's even opened.

I'm skipping my screening tonight because why not

did you leave your onions at home? poor form imo

https://st2.depositphotos.com/6043720/10152/i/950/depositphotos_101527574-stock-photo-little-boy-with-two-bulbs.jpg

is... is that a glass of onion juice

the featured Star Wars-themed cocktail at my drafthouse-style theater, no doubt

which we drink while dancing to Larry Levan's remix of "Lapti Nek"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrOSuY12Rrs

That or this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfUxy7PdHxY

is that a glass of onion juice

― WHEEL! OF! FORESKIN! (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, December 17, 2019 4:30 PM (thirty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

doo dah! doo dah!

A rebus 4 u all

― Welcome to the Sandwich Trough (Old Lunch), Tuesday, December 17, 2019 3:07 PM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Don't know what you're getting at here but Rebus was a Human male Imperial Moff at the start of the Galactic Civil War. He was a noted weapons designer and created the prototype weapons for the Empire's dark trooper battle droids. He chose the sewage systems of Anoat as his hideout and installed a sophisticated series of defenses to prevent intruders from reaching his lab. However, while investigating the Dark Trooper Project for the Alliance to Restore the Republic, the mercenary Kyle Katarn was able to infiltrate Rebus's base and capture the Moff. During his interrogation, Rebus revealed information that helped Katarn track down the source of the dark troopers and eliminate them.

Rebus gained a reputation as a weapons designer during the years leading up to the Battle of Yavin and, by 0 ABY, held the rank of Moff in the Galactic Empire. Around that time he operated out of a hidden stronghold, deep within the subterranean sewage system under Anoat City,[1] the long-abandoned sole settlement on Anoat in the Anoat sector.[2]

The sewage system itself was mammoth and extremely confusing to navigate, all the while being virtually pitch black, making the use of a head lamp or infrared goggles imperative. Rebus made sure that even the smartest of trespassers were prevented from finding the route to his lab through the largely unexplored array of durasteel sewage tunnels by engineering a complicated series of drain gate switches. While the dianogas that infested the sewers provided a natural defense against intruders, Rebus also surrounded himself with Viper probe droids, IT-O Interrogator droids, and remote droids, ready to attack any trespassers in various areas within the sewer complex. Several Gran thugs, armed with thermal detonators, were also employed to provide further protection.[1]

Around the time of the Battle of Yavin, Rebus designed the prototype weapons for the Empire's dark troopers, a series of advanced battle droids developed under General Rom Mohc. The dark trooper weapons, which bore the initials M.R. on the barrel as his signature, were tested on Fest in the Atrivis sector, and Rebus was pleased with the results. The weapons were used to devastating effect by dark troopers during the Imperial attack on the Alliance to Restore the Republic's base on Talay. Tak Base was destroyed within minutes and many innocent inhabitants of Talay were killed along with the Rebels. In the aftermath of the attack, Rebel agent Kyle Katarn traveled to Talay to investigate and discovered a prototype dark trooper weapon. When Katarn's partner, Rebel agent Jan Ors, discovered Rebus's signature on the device, it led the pair to Anoat in search of the Moff.[1]

Katarn proceeded into the sewer system and was able to successfully activate the drain gate switches and navigate to the Moff's lab. He found Rebus in his hideout, simply sitting in a brown chair holding a large weapon. Rebus put up no resistance whatsoever, and was captured and subsequently questioned on the Dark Trooper Project. Though he was uncooperative during questioning, providing the Rebels with little useful information, Rebus mentioned the results of the tests on Fest during one of his rants. The existence of an Imperial Weapons Research Facility on Fest was soon confirmed by the Rebel spy Crix Madine, and Katarn proceeded to Fest to search for clues. He recovered a sample of phrik from Fest, which was used in the construction of dark troopers and helped him to track down their source. Katarn eventually eliminated Mohc and put an end to the dark troopers.[1]

OMG

Human absurdity, thy name is Wookieepedia.

(BTW the solution to my non-Moff Rebus rebus: Poe, Rey, C-3PO, Teebo. Sing it out loud.)

Wow fantastic gibberish star wars-ese rap in that Meco Ewok song, shoutout to "two way pock-a-way Obi Wan Kenobi"

xp: lol, thanks for the hint.

that sewer level was a bitch.

I hear after the credits, Comic Book Guy comes out and says "Worst Episode ever", then Finn shoots him

Lapti Nek do do do do do do

I would guess rapping about Obi Wan is problematic cos too many would rhyme "Kenobi" with "blow me"

Gonna see this tomorrow afternoon because free time but am pretty indifferent. Hope the sound design is still on point at the very least.

The Last Jedi's the best I've the new ones I've seen, and if the casino planet were cut I'd even say it's a Good Movie.

I would guess rapping about Obi Wan is problematic cos too many would rhyme "Kenobi" with "blow me"

real name, no gimmicks

I thought the casino planet part was good. I enjoyed that the landscape was modeled on Monte Carlo. The only part that didn’t completely work was having the characters ride on those CGI beasts. Technology has advanced and it didn’t look as silly as Kenobi riding on the big lizard in Revenge of the Sith but it still looked a little silly.

don't worry they ride horse looking things in the new one for some god damned reason

i dont love the casino part but tbh i dont think ppl would be talking about it today without the cgi beast riding

I'm on record as loving the diminutive drunk guy who thinks BB-8 is a slot machine

After Dexter Jettster, no creature in the SW universe has ever approached that level of awful again

having enjoyed Star Wars and Return Of The Jedi as a child I can only endorse a scene in a star war where the heroes go to some kind of bar/party environment filled with amusing-looking alien monsters

slot machine dude is lols and takes up about 4 seconds of movie

he was apparently voiced by Mark Hammill, lol

I was looking forward to the 'bar/party environment filled with amusing-looking monsters' more than anything going into TLJ (probably TFA also) and just had expectations too high.

If you haven't seen the deleted scenes from the ownable release there's an awful/funny/both bit during the Fathier chase with a pink cyclops in a bath house...wow these sure are some words I have just typed.

But also a good music montage showing more of the freaky looking characters in the casino just wandering around (not part of the film just from dailies I guess).

Yikes.1,5 stars. 'The Rise of Skywalker is what happens when a franchise gives up': https://www.vox.com/culture/2019/12/18/21021188/star-wars-rise-of-skywalker-review-no-spoilers