star wars 9 grim resignation thread

I didn't like the casino and thought Benicio, with his ridiculous speech impediment, was bad not good

the casino part was really bad and felt like the prequels to me

I don't get the casino scene hate really.

A lot of goofy CGI aliens mixed with some facile points about space capitalism and Finn's constant bumbling.

you went looking for subtlety in THIS franchise?

though actually, compared to how symbolism and political messages were handled when Lucas ran the show, the short capitalism bit wasn't really that over the top, comparatively speaking.

like it was literally Rose's short "look closer" moment, Benicio's revelation of war profiteering (which also was perhaps a minute long).

anyway, predictions...

*Palpatine's remains went into the Death Star II and exploded. Like Dr Manhattan and Voldemort, he began reconstructing his body after his death, and right now he's a head, an arm, and a leg, and a butt cheek. he is weak and he can only provide limited spiritual support and weak force trickery.

*Rey isn't actually the daughter of junk traders, she's the byproduct of human-force ghost breeding. Kenobi's lonely force ghost fucked a day trader on Jakku.

*Snoke is revealed to be Ethel Merman

imo casino planet was fine and cool, it was the horse-riding wacky chase scene that made it lame. but the overall point of this plotline is great: finn, rose and poe all think the solution has to be to carry out some crazy underdog star-wars type scheme, and actually this was totally stupid and counterproductive and they all need to step up their ideas of what being a "rebel" is and why they're doing this whole thing (h/t to david sims who i think i'm cadging this from, mostly).

yeah exactly, it was kind of the inversion of the typical Star Wars plot point, where the misfits are told not to do something that has a 1000-1 shot of working, they do it anyway and it turns out it was the right thing to do all along.

I appreciate that, but I feel the same point was made effectively in the “inpatient youth vs. calm older women” intra-Resistance conflict on the ship.

*”impatient”

that's how hotshot pilot poe learns the lesson, for finn it's this different thing, idk

yeah, Finn is defying orders (stupidly) right up until his lover crashes him out

although ironically Finn is an inpatient youth at the start of the movie amirite

lol

LOLx2

“Rise... Darth Skywalker”

end credits recapitulate title with THE RISE OF SKYWALKER then normal fanfare plays

"to be continued with three more movies directed by Uwe Boll"

btw if ppl wanna shit talk Star Wars 8 I just made this brand new thread: Star Wars 8 shit talk

Good call - let’s keep this thread silent and the lines open, in case anything happens in the next five days!

I guess my understanding of the advanced physics that make possible the transportation technology of the Star Wars milieu is not sufficiently developed to enable me to make any confident statements about what is realistic or not. Could there be slow bombers? Maybe? Could there be some reason to drag a needle in red snow? I guess? My criteria basically boil down to: does it look cool? But I get that tastes differ.

I get the impression that those bombers weren't meant to be flown in heavy crossfire and were meant to do Enola Gay-esque bomb dropping which is why Poe got screamed at afterward

It'S NOT SNOW IT'S SALT

GAWD

it's cocaine iirc

roll it up in some death sticks

I totally forgot the last one ended with Jedi street urchins or something. I wonder if this new one will feature an army of children to the rescue? It would certainly save on Ewok costumes.

It'S NOT SNOW IT'S SALT

"It's not snow, it's poiso ... agggh!"

"it's...bird shit"

Abrams has anticipated the audience groaning when he introduces what appears to be yet another desert planet in the next installment until the 'sand' is revealed to be graham cracker crumbs.

Surprised there is no character named Guano.

Lol @ old lunch

Missed my opportunity to make the now-obvious '(tastes sand) Sir...it's a dessert planet!' joke.

'...Raspberry!'

My kids and I want a Spaceballs II so badly

read some alleged spoilers for this and: lol

No one believed me when I told them that the Skywalker referred to in the title was in fact Luke's new husband Kylo, bet you're all embarrassed now.

Rey is Darth Plagueis

...is Count Dooku

But who becomes Darth Chocula

going to be wild when Kylo somehow pulls the exact same lightsaber trick a second time to take out Palpatine, followed by him saying "I'm Emperor now"

Question for those that have seen spoilers: will there be The Force in this, y/n?

yes, but also characters' midichlorian counts are displayed onscreen like the eventual deaths in The Irishman

Lol, first reaction from colleague who was at press screening: It's like it's written by a Star Wars fan who had his childhood ruined by The Last Jedi.

the spoilers floating around out there are distinctly unpromising

Kylo Ren opens the shower door and there stands Snoke in all his soapy glory.

I'm awfully glad I didn't allow myself to get invested in these things. TFA marked the first time my entire family went to the theater together in probably 30 years (very nearly pulling it off again, minus one person, with TLJ and hopefully achieving the trifecta this year), and if that's all I get out of the new trilogy, it's enough.

lol I think the last movie my entire family saw together in the theatre was ... Dr. Strange? (It was totally forgettable, iirc, and I suspect they harbor a quiet grudge for being dragged to something so unmemorable). Now even the movies we all see we see in waves and various combos. They have less than zero interest in the new Star Wars, or Star Wars in general, afaict. I don't think my wife even knows what a Wookie is. We have Disney+, and 2/3 of the big draws might as well be invisible to them.

142 minutes

short!

These days, yeah, that might as well be a pre-feature cartoon.

I've got to say, as someone who grew up steeped in this shit (Star Wars 1 in the theatre 1978 or so may be my earliest memory), it's a relief to have a family with no fan-boy inclinations. My girls are getting older, but they still love Frozen, and yet, though they saw the new movie opening weekend, that, more or less, was it. I guess they listen to the songs sometimes. It's possible the Harry Potter films had a SW like impact on them, though.