Ne'er get thee stitched til Booris be ditched: UK General Election 2019

don't forget "pantomine-gate"

*blobby hurtles on-stage, mark s dead of cans*

- "blobby"
- "blobby blobby blobbby"

*drowns self in drink*

xp fack

He’s ready

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5Cz0WJgsjN/

xps instant liver failure

Just been checking the results of the last election in my hometown and such a pity Scottish Labour are so shit because it'd only take a 3% swing from the SNP for Labour to win both seats. More than a pity it's a crime.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EJu6vDVWoAMrhaL?format=jpg&name=900x900
Yeah that’s why people didn’t like May or don’t like Swinson.

What is the point of David Aaronovitch these days?

He’s ready

Shocked to be alive in 2019 and see Mr Bobby lurking in a park. And I speak as someone who went to Morecambe's Bobby Land. Flashbacks. pic.twitter.com/ODHY707OG5

— Adam Cumiskey (@cumiskey) November 19, 2019

My investigation for ⁦@Telegraph⁩ in which I discover a sinister trend in the rental market, where some households have been vetting potential tenants for their political views. Brexiteers and Tories are being routinely warned away.

🏠🏠🏠 https://t.co/mWchSaxOUD

— Charlotte Gill (@CharlotteCGill) November 19, 2019

🏠🏠🏠

Doesn't D A realise May got more votes in 2017 than Blair ever got, hardly an electorate shy of voting for a female candidate

xp sinister

lol Charlotte Gill

waaah not liking Tories is the same as redlining

Tories are more likely to embezzle the shared deposit, it's scientific fact

Another masterpiece:

People walking around the Tate Modern in Vote Labour badges. Imagine what would happen if I’d worn a Vote Tory one

— Charlotte Gill (@CharlotteCGill) November 16, 2019

It makesyer fink

Obviously that 6 year old boy who was thrown off a balcony at Tate Modern was wearing one.

pour one out, heaven needed a dodgy fish-faced insurance salesman

https://twitter.com/arron_banks

A sinister trend in the rental market where lefties actually notify a person that they have not been successful as an applicant to live with them explicitly because of their political views as opposed to just not contacting the applicant at all or giving some other reason.

Saw a story like this in the US last year from a right wing hack/blogger and think she even got people to crowdfund her an apartment off the back of it.

Yes, it’s a direct lift from that.

Wasn’t this person posing as a black republican? She claimed to have been oppressed for her beliefs, collected a load of cash, and then admitted it was all lies?

I didn't realise violent struggle sessions were happening at the Tate Modern, happy days!

https://cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/40/590x/corbyn-704626.jpg

An outage map on the site showed the majority of the UK affected.

In response to the issues plaguing the provider, a swathe of customers have migrated to Twitter to vent their frustration.

One said: “Trying to work from home, and Virgin Media is down once again.

just my opinion, but all these Tories being refused houseshares could just go live in a tent in a field.

or the Cities of London and Westminster constituency apparently

were they to exist I mean

just my opinion, but all these Tories being refused houseshares could just go live in a tent in a field.

plenty of ditches still available

https://cdn.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Webmap-2019-v4-2.jpg

the Gulagasto Archipelago is a good reminder to build a fence around this field, it's not a holiday camp!

🚨 Scoop: Boris Johnson set to be replaced by Rishi Sunak in seven-way BBC #ge2019 debate next Friday

PM very unlikely to attend, sending chief secretary to the Treasury in his place.https://t.co/aZvKKoWEw3

— Sebastian Payne (@SebastianEPayne) November 19, 2019

profiles in courage

dying

DIRTY TRICKS ALERT. Mike Gapes has told me this man is an imposter. He says Miller is not his spokesman; he doesn’t know who he is; and that this seems to be part of the “dirty tricks” against him. He’s reported Miller to Twitter, but Gapes says they’ve done nothing.

— Michael Crick (@MichaelLCrick) November 19, 2019

pic.twitter.com/d6nFMjY0j7

— Sam ✌️ (@samisam147) November 19, 2019

LOL @ the Tories idea of a rising star.

kinda want some of this official gapes merch tbh

If any cafes in Ilford South see someone wearing this, they're part of my street team so give them as many free hot drinks as they want #GapeForVictory pic.twitter.com/dIblemO3Ie

— Mr Richard Miller (@MrRichardMiller) November 16, 2019

BREAKING: The #GapeForVictory campaign in Ilford South is hotting up, as Mike Gapes releases an aggressive new video roundly condemning the man heretofore thought of as his most trusted confidante, @MrRichardMiller. Bitter and unprecedented divisions opening up in Camp Gapes. pic.twitter.com/fVeeeMMCSV

— Reel Politik UNLEASHED! (@2Reel2Politik) November 19, 2019

Lol I missed a lot when I was MES-ing myself yesterday. Spent ages typing a late response:

He wasn't entirely wrong. "Marquis Cha-cha" is the obvious anti-Argentine song of the moment. "Pay Your Rates" is a fairly obvious pisstake of council socialism.

The reason I find him hard to stomach now is the descent into misogyny, misanthropy, the pitiful abuse of people who clearly adored his genius and allowed him to be a cunt.

So Johnson really is scared debating women huh

Agapē A-Gapes.

(xp) He's got better uses for women, innee? Knowhorrimean? Phwooaarrr. Eh?

lol the squirrel story is a fucking Twitter moment

Speaking of, did Lib Dem’s Jo Swinson have anything to say about what her candidate was saying in Kensington?

someone needs to deepfake her into a squirrel massacre vid

or alternatively pay the ransom to groovyguyzone for the original unredacted video

while we're on both topics, I'm put in mind of MES claiming to iirc run down squirrels with his lawnmower. probably baiting as usual though

Mark E Smith facing RSPCA over squirrel cruelty

When interviewer Ben Marshall told Smith his father runs over seagulls, the singer replied: “Heh, heh, heh. Quite fucking right. I don’t have a problem with that.”

Heh, heh, heh...

I've been wracking my fucking brain and now remember where i got this wrong idea he once was a self-proclaimed socialist. It was a quite witless and rubbish cartoon in the NME from the time when brix left him. Someone did a cartoon imagining his hectoring amphetamine-booze ranting side was a big part of their domestic set-up hence why she fucked him off. And it featured loads of made-up repetitive MESisms including one that said" I'm a socialist, me". So my fucked up brain was remembering some useless information correctly, just not in the right context!

probably done this story before but i saw The Fall on the night that Nigel Kennedy was on This Is Your Life with Brix in tow and was playing pool at the table next to the rest of the band, apparently Mark was so broken up and in his cups he had to be dragged onstage