Ne'er get thee stitched til Booris be ditched: UK General Election 2019

Jérémie Corbeau

lol Johnny Mc just comes out with “free broadband will make the UK more competitive”

in all seriousness, the inability to imagine an even slightly radical restructure of society like offering free broadband is literally going to kill us all because it's going to take shifts on a scale several orders of magnitude greater to even start mitigating the effects of climate change

You're on an island, it'll be fine.

This might be interesting dilemma - wondering what govt provider of broadband would do, or could do, about services on public free internet that are not beneficial to the common good, or users who use internet for grim purposes

— Laura Kuenssberg (@bbclaurak) November 15, 2019

laura in full 'JuSt AsKiNg QuEsTiOnS' mode

Jfc she could do with a sabbatical after this GE run is over.

i hear yarl's wood is nice this time of year

she knows as much about how the internet in this country currently works as she knows about shitposting

Mark S, you might want to look into Thames Water discounting schemes - £380 seems a lot for one person, although your cost might be aligned to the size of your flat. I got the discount and paid around £140 for 1 person in a 400sq ft studio flat - up until this year, Camden tenants’ water costs were part of service charges, which dropped by £6/week as a result.

absolute fucking state of boris here

A beautiful depiction of why all politicians, in my view, should be required to undertake mandatory psychotherapy as part of their role.
It is astonishing, though expected, that such a simple question should throw Boris Johnson off balance like this.#Nagapic.twitter.com/JyGk5950DW

— Dr Lauren Gavaghan (@DancingTheMind) November 15, 2019

(i take no responsibility for the accompanying tweet, mind)

At some stage in the campaign someone is going to straight out ask him how many children he has.

Amazing. Write out a transcript of that and it's like a cut-up lit piece by Burroughs.

the only complete sentence in that 2 minutes is straight from the manifesto.

xp lol it's funny how that has become the be and end all question.

He should do a kids PR moment in a primary school, they'll ask him his age and how many kids he has :)

But we already know what makes him 'relatable'. Remember this?

"You like him because he's a liar"
"Yeah because it means he's human"
For F*CKS sake, people! pic.twitter.com/Mfr2wSbGRz

— Phantom flan flinger #GTTO.🇬🇧🇩🇪🇪🇺 (@leepatrick0) November 7, 2019

It seems like kind of a dumb irrelevant question tbh but obv one loves to see him squirm etc

It is a dumb question. Can't imagine what I'd answer if asked 'how can other people relate to you and your personal life'... But it's politics 1.1 and part of the spiel.

See also: the so-called 'beer test', which thankfully doesn't appear to be a thing in the UK.

"Well Clive, thanks for asking, that's a very good question. I don't think people can relate to me. I don't think people are capable of truly relating to or understanding other human beings. Nothing matters and we all die alone. #voteLBI!"

all he needed to say was some boilerplate bullshit about how he's a dad and a partner and a dog-owner and he loves watching box sets of game of thrones just like bbc breakfast viewers but instead he's visibly straining not to blurt out that he spends his evenings fucking anything that moves, participating in sinister occult rituals and setting tramps on fire

it's nagl tbh

Two people - £449.40 per year and £37.40 per month

I'm on Southern Water and this is 80p a month over what we pay for 2 people, so yes these are accurate

oh my god that....sound....at 0:22 in that clip. am I hallucinating that

But that's the most relatable part!

Burden asks about Johnson’s own children. They did not go to state schools, did they? Does he have any children who are still of school age?

Johnson replies:

I’m not going to comment on my children, if that’s all right.

Burden says this issue does come up. She says many viewers say they want Johnson to be asked how many children he has. (See here.) Burden does not put the question to him directly, and he does not address it, saying he does not want to talk about his children, but he does say:

Your assertion that none of my children have been to state schools is wrong.

And that’s it.

There's always one in a baker's dozen taking an alternative route

xp haha

Does he have any children who are still of school age?

Love that this is being asked of a PM (whose girlfriend is five years older than his eldest child).

oh my god that....sound....at 0:22 in that clip. am I hallucinating that

i can only blame myself for going back and checking and now i'm going to have to live with that glottal sloshing playing in some dark recess of my brain forevermore

Mr Corbyn what if...a child is dying, and the child’s last wish is to pay £29.99 per month for 12 months of 15mb fibre broadband with no set up fee (terms and conditions apply, prices will go up at the end of the contract, subject to availability in your area)....what then?

— Y (@YSAB87) November 15, 2019

https://i2.wp.com/metro.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/pm_21711598-e1421578001308.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&zoom=1&resize=644%2C405&ssl=1

Your assertion that none of my children have been to state schools is wrong.

'reports that i have several bastards in the poorhouse are not, strictly speaking, inaccurate, and i shall speak no more on this matter'

See also: the so-called 'beer test', which thankfully doesn't appear to be a thing in the UK.

Posh London kids always do a few years in state reception and primary, until they’re ready to go to a prep feeder for the public school their parents chose for them - for example, BJ went to Primrose Hill School for a few years.

_oh my god that....sound....at 0:22 in that clip. am I hallucinating that_


i can only blame myself for going back and checking and now i'm going to have to live with that glottal sloshing playing in some dark recess of my brain forevermore

https://www.pond5.com/sound-effects/1/cthulhu.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4h95wKVz3-g

(i'm guessing it was just naga having a drink of water)

fp'd all of u for intensifying my nightmares

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloop

Looking at all the Ed M's posting now and thinking why he couldn't be like this back on 2010 :-( fucking Lab right cunts

2015 I mean

Corbyn's Q&A
Jeremy Corbyn and his colleagues are now taking questions.

Q: Isn’t the real problem with BT the fact that it has little competition. How would replacing it with a state monopoly make a difference?

Corbyn says he is proposing a public service, like any other public service.

He says his plan will improve the livelihoods of many people.

Every person in the room uses a computer every day, he says. They need this kind of access.

On public ownership, he says BT used to be in public sector.

Q: Can you really afford this? BT say your plans will cost twice as much as you claim. And won’t ultimately taxpayers have to pay more.

McDonnell says the £20bn figure that Labour is using is a figure from the government’s own review.

Since privatisation, £54bn has been paid out in share dividends. That is twice as much as full-fibre roll-out would have cost.

He says pension funds want the prospect of a steady income from something that is secure. This plan will offer that.

Q: Can you deliver this without a majority Labour government?

Corbyn says that issue does not arise because there is going to be a majority Labour government.

Actually dying at this

The Tories haven't properly invested in our infrastructure but,nevermind the costs of the nationalisation of OpenReach and shareholders (pension funds) not getting mkt value,I'm not sure Jeremy Corbyn is the man u would want to call if your Wifi goes downhttps://t.co/7AXD8jf1EB

— Chuka Umunna (@ChukaUmunna) November 15, 2019

Wrt "free water" it's useful to note that Scotland's water was never privatized,and while not free, is cheaper than all the private providers in England

Is this the part where I get to whip out my amazing fact that there is more water in Loch Ness than in all the lakes in England and Wales put together? I think it could be.

tfw you're so full of rage about a decent policy that your fingers won't tweet properly xp

it's good and instructive to see the level of freaking out and mendacity about this, imagine what it'll be like when they go after private landlords and utility companies

@georgeeaton
23m
Given that something as essential as Universal Credit is *entirely online* (not to mention job applications), fast and free broadband is a genuine human need.

Apparently the Tory campaign bus is launching today...or so I've heard

(xp) That's poor humans though.