Ne'er get thee stitched til Booris be ditched: UK General Election 2019

AKA the cock and balls man

AKA the funniest richest cartoonist in the world

The only MP’s pet that matters (sorry Lindsay)
https://i.postimg.cc/90W8kDLW/5-EFC1-BB5-310-C-43-B1-84-C6-321-E80-F56-F97.jpg

jambly cramhole has a cat that looks like hitler #antisemitism

The malign Alan Partridge, BBC Radio’s Nick Conrad has resigned to stand as a Tory MP.

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2014/nov/19/bbc-knickers-on-nick-conrad-rapist-ched-evans

he seems nice

Conrad said: “I think women need to be more aware of a man’s sexual desire; that when you’re in that position that you are about to engage in sexual activity there’s a huge amount of energy in the male body, there’s a huge amount of will and intent, and it’s very difficult for many men to say no when they are whipped up into a bit of a storm.

NEW: Labour-turned-LibDem MP Angela Smith claims she is being "discriminated against" because she is missing out on a £22,000 taxpayer-funded golden goodbye

MPs who do a 'chicken run' to different seats lose the right to winding-up payments if they losehttps://t.co/2yYdVZUBDN

— Alex Wickham (@alexwickham) November 5, 2019

Angela Smith, the gift that keeps on giving.

I feel for her

does she check under her bed for lost sleep every morning?

“After serving my country for 14.5 years I could lose everything”

Absolutely enormous hearty lol of deep satisfaction

what a loss to the labour party she was :(

Like Angela, I cannot underestimate my horror in finding out about this.

“After serving my country for 14.5 years I could lose everything”

That".5" there is just sending me

I always saw her as a very ascetic Van Gogh type character who is happy with a nice simple wooden chair and a table and a pot of stew on the stove. This makes her seem a bit of a grasping and material wealth driven person, I'm shocked!

The Chief Exec of Ipsos MORI has just tweeted and deleted he's been told by a constituency party that Johnson is going to confirm a switch to a safe seat by Friday.

wooden chair, pot of stew, enabling capitalism

massive pay off for being a shit Tory, pot of stew, mono radio in the kitchen

watching Dave on Freeview, pot of stew, knifing the working class in the face, chicken korma

pot of stew, legitimate concerns, following John Harris on Twitter, big pile of Asda carrier bags

really fancy a pot of stew now tbh

ed stewpot stewart, bristol stool chart, we didn't start the fire

Oi @Jacob_Rees_Mogg you need to resign you’re an actual piece of shit I beg everyone watch this - MP Jacob Rees Mogg in a nutshell saying Grenfell Victims should of had the common sense to escape. I can’t believe the cheek fucking hell these politicians are actual aliens pic.twitter.com/aQ4NxwdBCG

— SOUNDS OF THE SKENG & WILEY FLOW OUT NOW ⚔️ (@stormzy) November 5, 2019

My man said “if either of us were in fire, whatever the fire brigade said, we’d leave a burning building” as if to say “come on bro, they were just dumb” as if those who lost their lives weren’t smart enough to escape. Fucking hell this man is the scummiest 🤢

— SOUNDS OF THE SKENG & WILEY FLOW OUT NOW ⚔️ (@stormzy) November 5, 2019

You can’t even make this stuff up. Donny said “If you JUST ignore what you’re told and leave you are so much safer” BRUV!!!!! Let’s bare in mind for 2 secs how horrifiying and terrifying the situation would of been for the victims. Deep that for 2 secs.

— SOUNDS OF THE SKENG & WILEY FLOW OUT NOW ⚔️ (@stormzy) November 5, 2019

And then imagine they’re being instructed by fire fighters - trusted government authorities - to stay put. This scumbag is saying “well boy you lot are dumb to of listened then” can you imagine ?!!!!Oi get this prick out of here these man are scumbags and they are wicked and evil

— SOUNDS OF THE SKENG & WILEY FLOW OUT NOW ⚔️ (@stormzy) November 5, 2019

stormzy otm

Big love for Stormzy

and that prick wonders why angry crowds are screaming murderous hatred at him and causing his little brat to piss his pants, and that's just the middle class FBPE mob!

At least he's incapable of concealing his psychopathy, which I like to believe makes him less dangerous.

nowt worse than being pelted with gluten free wholemeal bagels

rees mogg unsurprisingly blaming the victims rather than the scumbag landlords (tory councils included) who profit from renting out unsafe and substandard housing

Stormzy 🔥

you can’t keep snakes in the garden and think they’ll only bite your neighbours.

well there goes that idea

pot of stew, snakes in your garden, Paul Nicholas's "Reggae Like It Used To Be", beef Monster Munch, funny tinge, grown-ups in the room, over 50s plan, Oak Furnitureland, Greg Wallace

there it is, ilx's bleakest post

Things going smoothly for the Tories so far.

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/nov/05/dont-sign-pledges-on-nhs-or-climate-tory-hq-tells-candidates

ffs

The 11-page briefing note explains the party’s position on nine key areas and “strongly advises” prospective Tory MPs “against signing up to any pledges” unless they have been agreed from the centre.

However, supporting shooting is allowed “as an important part of rural life”, the document says.

gotta say, i'm feeling pretty good about labour and the tories' respective rollouts of their campaigns so far

(narrator: he shouldn't have)

I dunno I'm cool with shooting vermin tbh

what's the briefing re. keeping greg wallace in your garden?

stew in every pot, a wallace in every garden iirc

this from the same article is just screamingly nihilistic

Climate change. Tory candidates are told that many campaigns to tackle climate change “contain unrealistic targets that would be impossible to achieve” and that it would be better to focus on “practical, reasonable steps to protect our planet while keeping bills down”. The memo claims Labour does not have a credible approach to the problem

stopping the literal end of the world is too hard, let's not bother eh chaps

idk whether the Tories think JRM is an asset or whether they're just too disorganised to arrange for him to be locked in an attic until the election is over.

Excuse me, got bills to pay.

(xp)

Pretty good piece (no investigation as such) although the gap for me is what happens -- as is likely -- Swinson is voted out. Would there be a shift?

https://www.huckmag.com/perspectives/opinion-perspectives/what-do-the-lib-dems-actually-want-an-investigation/

can't imagine why there'd be a shift in a party which has literally absorbed tories into its quivering corpus, society-style

we really do live in a society

Great now I'm gonna have dreams about Vince Cables shoving his head up somebody's anus

idk if Ed Davey is up for it but it would be legit hilarious, if he isn't, for the party to have to make a choice between an ex-Labour candidate and an ex-Tory one at the next leadership election. I can't imagine it'll have an impact on continuity Orange Book policy either way, though.

fucking finally, i'll not be suffering along anymore xp

er, alone

This is where an investigation into their activist base would be useful. I get the sense that some are really unhappy at the Tory MP intake. If Lab end up being the largest party with no majority...be interesting to see what the LDs could be up for.