Ne'er get thee stitched til Booris be ditched: UK General Election 2019

we need to start a book on the exact number of brexit party candidates who are gonna be forced to stand down before the election due to being unmasked as domestic abusers / deadbeat dads / wanted criminals / gold-medallists in the racist posting olympics

add to that list foreign nationals and/or not resident in the seat in which they are standing (RIP Paul Nuttall and his empty house in Stoke)

Is he standing? He joined the brexit party this year apparently.

announce hookem

we need to start a book on the exact number of brexit party candidates who are gonna be forced to stand down before the election due to being unmasked as domestic abusers / deadbeat dads / wanted criminals / gold-medallists in the racist posting olympics

put me down for 650

it's where the smart money is going

Jesus Christ

The most elegant solution to this would be if Rosie were now to join @LibDems. I'm happy to let the constituency decide the issue and I will be taking a close interest - as I am sure Rosie will be - in the polling. If she wishes to join our party, I will happily stand aside. https://t.co/Npkc22zb6N

— Tim Walker (@ThatTimWalker) November 5, 2019

we're reaching levels of centrist bullshit that shouldn't even be possible, captain

hope he dies soon

this campaign is going unsettlingly well and it hasn't even started yet

tbf i hope every piss diamond in the country dies soon

jo swinson certainly seems set on hastening everyone's demise

very powerful testimony

Impossible to watch this 34 second clip and not cry. To see a woman's dignity take such a hammer blow because she has no food for her or her loved ones in the 5th richest country on the planet. Unbearable viewing. pic.twitter.com/EUODFul8oy

— Tory Fibs (@ToryFibs) November 5, 2019

truth is, anyone voting for a party that disenfranchises people in this fashion do deserve to die. Fuck all this lowering the tone of political discourse bullshit. Gulag 'em all!

If I could grunt and squeak and squawk with the animals... and MPs too.

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/sLzUHMv9h0U/maxresdefault.jpg

It sure beats BoJo's 'lonely guy thinking baout things w/ dog forced on lap during the rugby match' photo.

Took me a while to spot the cat underneath the sofa!

is that tortoise legal?

wow this turning point uk parody account is doing great work

😎 pic.twitter.com/52MdxMmvUt

— Turning Point UK (@TPointUK) November 3, 2019

Matt levels of nailing it (Mail cartoonist, not of this parish)

LMAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOO

Vote Labour if you want poverty and destruction! 😃🥳

Featuring new TPUK Teen Influencer @Joe_Sheridan_!! pic.twitter.com/bzXvr8ZJhy

— Turning Point UK (@TPointUK) November 4, 2019

i'm down

gotta say tho i'm pretty convinced by some posh 12 year-old with shitty hair telling me why he's cool with inheriting all the money his cunt ancestors robbed off people

KILLLLLLLLLL

Hoyle might be an arse but you can tell he's a caring doggo/pet-owner. Mind you so was hitler before he annoyed PETA by having a perfectly healthy adult Alsatian put down. So a very low bar!

it's #influencer content in the sense that its production values resemble isis suicide bombers' final messages but i dunno if that's necessarily the aesthetic that toilet paper uk are aiming for, precisely

Kid looks like he could be a Farage lovechild.

Matt levels of nailing it (Mail cartoonist, not of this parish)

Telegraph cartoonist?

AKA the cock and balls man

AKA the funniest richest cartoonist in the world

The only MP’s pet that matters (sorry Lindsay)
https://i.postimg.cc/90W8kDLW/5-EFC1-BB5-310-C-43-B1-84-C6-321-E80-F56-F97.jpg

jambly cramhole has a cat that looks like hitler #antisemitism

The malign Alan Partridge, BBC Radio’s Nick Conrad has resigned to stand as a Tory MP.

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2014/nov/19/bbc-knickers-on-nick-conrad-rapist-ched-evans

he seems nice

Conrad said: “I think women need to be more aware of a man’s sexual desire; that when you’re in that position that you are about to engage in sexual activity there’s a huge amount of energy in the male body, there’s a huge amount of will and intent, and it’s very difficult for many men to say no when they are whipped up into a bit of a storm.

NEW: Labour-turned-LibDem MP Angela Smith claims she is being "discriminated against" because she is missing out on a £22,000 taxpayer-funded golden goodbye

MPs who do a 'chicken run' to different seats lose the right to winding-up payments if they losehttps://t.co/2yYdVZUBDN

— Alex Wickham (@alexwickham) November 5, 2019

Angela Smith, the gift that keeps on giving.

I feel for her

does she check under her bed for lost sleep every morning?

“After serving my country for 14.5 years I could lose everything”

Absolutely enormous hearty lol of deep satisfaction

what a loss to the labour party she was :(

Like Angela, I cannot underestimate my horror in finding out about this.

“After serving my country for 14.5 years I could lose everything”

That".5" there is just sending me

I always saw her as a very ascetic Van Gogh type character who is happy with a nice simple wooden chair and a table and a pot of stew on the stove. This makes her seem a bit of a grasping and material wealth driven person, I'm shocked!

The Chief Exec of Ipsos MORI has just tweeted and deleted he's been told by a constituency party that Johnson is going to confirm a switch to a safe seat by Friday.

wooden chair, pot of stew, enabling capitalism

massive pay off for being a shit Tory, pot of stew, mono radio in the kitchen

watching Dave on Freeview, pot of stew, knifing the working class in the face, chicken korma

pot of stew, legitimate concerns, following John Harris on Twitter, big pile of Asda carrier bags

really fancy a pot of stew now tbh

ed stewpot stewart, bristol stool chart, we didn't start the fire

Oi @Jacob_Rees_Mogg you need to resign you’re an actual piece of shit I beg everyone watch this - MP Jacob Rees Mogg in a nutshell saying Grenfell Victims should of had the common sense to escape. I can’t believe the cheek fucking hell these politicians are actual aliens pic.twitter.com/aQ4NxwdBCG

— SOUNDS OF THE SKENG & WILEY FLOW OUT NOW ⚔️ (@stormzy) November 5, 2019

My man said “if either of us were in fire, whatever the fire brigade said, we’d leave a burning building” as if to say “come on bro, they were just dumb” as if those who lost their lives weren’t smart enough to escape. Fucking hell this man is the scummiest 🤢

— SOUNDS OF THE SKENG & WILEY FLOW OUT NOW ⚔️ (@stormzy) November 5, 2019

You can’t even make this stuff up. Donny said “If you JUST ignore what you’re told and leave you are so much safer” BRUV!!!!! Let’s bare in mind for 2 secs how horrifiying and terrifying the situation would of been for the victims. Deep that for 2 secs.

— SOUNDS OF THE SKENG & WILEY FLOW OUT NOW ⚔️ (@stormzy) November 5, 2019

And then imagine they’re being instructed by fire fighters - trusted government authorities - to stay put. This scumbag is saying “well boy you lot are dumb to of listened then” can you imagine ?!!!!Oi get this prick out of here these man are scumbags and they are wicked and evil

— SOUNDS OF THE SKENG & WILEY FLOW OUT NOW ⚔️ (@stormzy) November 5, 2019

stormzy otm