I'm sad

its raining right now i guess jesus is sad :(

that will def help, E. bbq's, ya can't really go wrong with.

Hugs. Does a solution seem possible in the near future?

Once, when I had been sad for a really long time, I went to a bbq and ended up hanging out w a 7-yr-old girl who liked hugs and showing me her digital camera and running around the yard not talking to the boys. It was perfect. When I got home, I realized I had turned the corner to getting better. Maybe something like that will happen to you!

aww, that's kind of a sweet story

I often find it goes the other way - that anger you can do nothing about turns to sadness and crystallises into depression.

Aw, E., sad is a crummy and hard feeling. I wld help you w/a sadectomy if I could. You are a good lady and I think you are swell.

xp That's why it's anger. I always have a much better day without it.

I have a note from her on my computer, it says "Hi LaURaL FROm Elizabeth" but some of the letters are made wrong.

sad is relatively omnipresent, though. i think in order to be really happy, you have to learn how to face it head on. well, "you" meaning "me."

anger implies a certain amount of control to me. like when you push me to that point, i almost become very calm. a pinch of rage can help certain situations.

Better sad or angry than numb for me.

I guess that's true. Numb is bad news. Numb means "would die if I had the energy, instead I'll lie here and care about nothing and do nothing and turn off the phone and not even bother with email and not quite bother to cut myself, but only because I'm too lazy." Yeah those are bad days.

it's because you miss gabbneb isn't it

Gabbneb's gone? . . .

Again? . . .

So soon?

Wow. Sorry you're sad, btw. Sometimes it's best to channel your energy elsewhere (e.g., get angry); sometimes it's best to work through it. In that regard, a particular episode of Steinski's old radio show on WFMU, called On Sadness, has been helpful to me.

What about those days when you cannot stop weeping, no matter what you do? Can't function, can't cope, just cry your eyes out at anything and everything.

I think that's a girl thing.

it's always satisfying to replace yr aimless depression with a nice productive rage

i think i need to do this, but i don't have anything to rage at in my life! stuff like ahmadinejad stealing the election is too abstract and bizarre to make me properly angry.

Btw, ENBB, I didn't mean my above post to take lightly your sadness. I hope you feel chipper again, soon.

Oh, that's right. Coz boys... don't... cry...

(Wait, Robert Smith discussion was on the other thread. Sorry if joke falls flat, then. It's that kind of day.)

Not trying to be insulting about "girl thing," and not joking. If I cry my eyes out about anything, it's usually music or writing or something external that reaches in somehow. And that's not really "sad" as I understand it. It's extreme, but it's not exactly sadness. I'm present for that emotion. The worst is when I'm not there anymore.

I don't exactly know how, but I think girls have a different relationship to crying altogether.

Dunno, Kate. For me, I did the crying thing for a while, and then I hung out at that bbq and the next day I felt immensely tired of being so boring, so boring that I was boring myself. And it seemed really self-centered and I wanted to be able to look around and actually see things besides my sadness. From that point on, I got better pretty fast, I guess.

Weeping is usually either cathartic or it takes enough out of me physically/emotionally that it either leaves me kind of zoned out or asleep. I cannot even conceive of crying all day.

Neither can I conceive of it, until it happens. It's unstoppable, and will not be stemmed. And then I end up sleeping for several hours afterwards, like this afternoon.

Laurel, where can one find these life-affirming 7 year olds? That sounds awesome and they seem sadly lacking in my life.

Yeah, many of the 7 year olds I know make involuntarily think of reasons to support retroactive abortion.

I skip the crying, I guess, and go right for the sleeping. I know it's an unhappy sleeping when I don't want anyone next to me during it, not even the cat.

I wish I could skip the crying. My eyes look like two pissholes in the snow.

Fetal position or semi-fetal?

xpost

What a lurid image, Kate.

Hey k8 I have done that too. Draining as all fuck, and when I'm feeling in that kind of away anything can prompt it. "I hope you don't cry yourself to sleep again tonight." *cue sobbing for three hours*

That hasn't happened in a while (over a year & a half, I think?), mainly bcz I am making sure to take really good care of myself AND I am finally on meds that work for me. But, yeah, I'd go through weeks of that at a time. Worst was when it'd happen at work or escuela.

Like eventually it's like 'dry heaves' but with sobbing.

Fetal position or semi-fetal?

Heh, it's true. You can't just lay on your back, no matter how many blankets, because what you really want is to disappear. So you have to curl up as tight as you can stand.

Like eventually it's like 'dry heaves' but with sobbing.

This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

you run out of tears, but you don't run out of cry.

I don't know how to do that. Making cry out of nothing at all.

Oh wow - I just popped on before going and and man . . . thanks folks. I really just wanted to post that panda pic and vent about being sad but ya'll are pretty great.

Laurel - I would <3 to hang out with that little girl right about now.

Nath - I don't know but hopefully a solution will be reached soon.

I can't really go into details but this is really a situation specific sadness and things are being worked out so hopefully it'll all be good again soon.

Again - thx so much - I'm not quite as sad right in this moment and I haven't even left the apt!

Outside is always a better place. Or at least a different one.

Kate, plz refrain from describing your eyes as pissholes in the snow, because even though I really don't want to, I end up thinking about peeing on your face. This is not my fault.

And it seems to me
You lived your life
Like a pisshole in the snow
Never knowing
What to pee on
Or if 'snow' meant 'blow'

What a decidedly odd direction this thread has taken

And I would like to know you
or at least a 7 year old kid
your BBQ burned out long before
your something something rhyming with "kid"

Sorry, it's a phrase I picked up from my plain-speaking Midlands pals, it just seemed really evocative of exactly how crap one feels when one's eyes look like that.

No, I get it. The less said about this, the better.

Unless my peeing on you would make you less sad, in which case I could only be a gentleman.

Whereas I rather like its earthiness and yet its gripping concision.

Stinging, one might say. Stinging concision.

Hey, sometimes you're the urine and sometimes you're the snow.

Pretty much the only time I wasn't crying or working on not crying was when I woke up in the morning and before I remembered how sad I was. And then the chest pain would start and then the crying, and I would do everything in my day operating through a screen of tears. On the subway, at work -- I stopped trying to hide it, actually. Would just keep working, but with my eyes streaming. Lasted...a couple of weeks? A month? God, was that boring. Breaking and maiming of the psyche, yes, but ultimately just really really boring.

It's really hard not to read hostility into a messageboard where a frank confession of soul-crushing depression and its unpleasant physical effects leads to a string of rather not-very-nice sexual banter. Like, does no one have an idea of what's appropriate behaviour or not?

But hey, it moves sadness into anger quite effectively, really.

Bits of this thread made me smile, specifically:

And I would like to know you
or at least a 7 year old kid
your BBQ burned out long before
your something something rhyming with "kid"

.. which is nice.

It's funny really, Tues I was somewhat bouncy, yesterday I was a bit 'unbouncy', but then I get home and I have a couple of "7yearoldkids", or one 11 and one 9, who were dressing for Ascot (without actually going), and all was well again.

Re: hostility and appropriate behavior

Nobody here is trying to offend or hurt you. You're seeing these things because you're looking for them. Please try to stop, you'll be a lot happier in life.

Sorry :-( (please don't be angry now someone tries to help)

Wow. So someone starts talking about pissing on my face, and it's *my* problem if I think that's somewhat offensive?

OK, I really don't belong in this place any more.

Ok. Really sorry now.