The September 2019 US Politics Thread is great Great GREAT GR8

Was just thinking of how many conversations between Trump and foreign leaders probably went just like this one.

OK, next month's thread has to have "got them by surprise" in the title.

Grifter gets a 10.0 in the Phone Call Olympics

What is this brain disease where you are so fundamentally incapable of not trolling that you ultimately troll the everliving fuck out of even yourself? Do I have to wait for the DSM-VI to find out?

pic.twitter.com/KOjhjB8OEL

— MB (@mbd1006) September 25, 2019

I like how Trump kind of puttered out with that Crowdstrike stuff, as if he didn't have the energy to explain his conspiracy theory to someone else

Trump reminds me of the scene in "Bottle Rocket" where they're about to do their dumb robbery, and Owen Wilson suggests they put Band-Aids on their noses.

"Why are we putting Band-Aids on our noses?"

"Exactly!"

Just fucking lmao that this is the sanitized version that’s supposed to make him look good

what a great week for the full spectrum of bipartisan hacks

A good day to pause and cherish the memory of better times. pic.twitter.com/kiKmQcktpa

— Valerie Jarrett (@ValerieJarrett) September 25, 2019

The biggest clue that the Ukraine conversation has been condensed is on the first page: It's a 30 min convo that's been conveyed in just five pages.

it's this kind of stuff that i particularly dread. this instant need to come up with a hot take that no one has thought of. there are lots of reasons that call could have taken 30 minutes. they could have spent the first 10 minutes of the call waiting for trump to finish a meeting in a different room, for example. there could have been frequent interruptions to the call ("mr. president, we just got word that you're about to be impeached because you're a criminal", for example). it's just like aaaaaaaaagggggh no, why does someone always go down these roads

I told you, they were waiting for him to take a shit.

Zelensky: “I would also like to thank you for your great support in the area of defense...” (That’s the military aid.)
Trump’s next line: “I would like you to do us a favor though...”

— Kaitlan Collins (@kaitlancollins) September 25, 2019

I can't believe he released an incriminating transcript and thought doing that would help avoid impeachment. Actually I can.

Also, this is probably the only time Biden's been good for anything.

#NOTATRANSCRIPT trending

*a giant floating alien ship appears out of nowhere and loudly deploys a bunch of laser beams pointed at all women and children*

Tweet: "...anyone think it's weird that this giant spotless ship has a dusty patch on the back of it? i could see the bottom of the ship, but very suspicious that the dust is on the back. something to watch?"

Zelensky with two Ys in the shamscript invalidates the whole thing as evidence sorry.

there are lots of reasons that call could have taken 30 minutes

trump might have been xanned out of his mind and taking forever to roll each word around his mouth like he was at the un, for example

"As you saw yesterday, that whole nonsense ended with a very poor performance by a man named Robert Mueller, an incompetent performance"

love that they left this in

Also, this is probably the only time Biden's been good for anything.

if we must sacrifice the candidacy of joe biden on the altar of impeachment then so be it, thx for yr service joe

it's this kind of stuff that i particularly dread. this instant need to come up with a hot take that no one has thought of. there are lots of reasons that call could have taken 30 minutes.

iirc Ze doesn't take official calls in English so i can imagine there was a very confused translator acting as an intermediary.

Kevin McCarthy outright lying and saying the document doesn't mention Biden

Remember this? https://t.co/Y4iDLbZAAi

— Asha Rangappa (@AshaRangappa_) September 25, 2019

President-in-waiting Mike Pence is pleased.

I really don't understand the point of noting that this isn't a word-for-word transcript. However accurately it reflects the actual conversation, it looks bad. So it either makes the call seem worse than it actually was (in which case, why would releasing it be at all helpful in attempting to stave off impeachment) or, on the other hand, it's somewhere between accurate and a bowdlerization of something way worse. The fact that this isn't a verbatim reflection of the conversation seems about as substantive as noting what paper stock they used for the printout.

there are still a bunch of ellipses where the real damning stuff would be but yeah this is really bad and the fact that Trump thinks its good means its much worse

Pence says he and Ukraine President Zelensky “discussed America’s support for Ukraine and the upcoming decision the President will make on the latest tranche of financial support in great detail.

"But as President Trump had me make clear, we have great concerns about issues of corruption.”

It’s also one of a series of actions/conversations that lead to the whistleblower report.

xpost Well, for example, maybe on top of all of this the actual conversation included an explicit quid pro quo, which would be like extra whipped cream on the impeachment sundae.

The quid pro quo is implied. He uses the term “fsvor” after regaling how much the US helps Ukraine—how much more they do than Germany

lol I suspected my household was not the only one rockin the Honeydrippers last night

xxps

OK, don your foil caps:

The White House transcript of the Ukraine call uses three ellipses - all when Trump is making requests, like here. pic.twitter.com/vCGJlAg2la

— Dan Diamond (@ddiamond) September 25, 2019

Holy shit, they have footage of the discussion!

https://gfycat.com/pertinentaggressivekrill-montypython-protection-comedy-racket

Goddamit.

https://img.youtube.com/vi/DNj1dXi-z0M/0.jpg

200 House Democrats are now calling for an impeachment inquiry into Trump

actually 199 House Democrats and Amash

goddamn lying CNN

FAKE BLUES

mitt romney is also "deeply troubled"

I'm honestly surprised the transcript is even worse than I thought. WTG Bob Barr you're really killing the game lately.

It just dawned on me that Trump is Reese & Hillary is Malcolm

mitt romney is also "deeply troubled"

No, it's the memo that's 'deeply troubling', 'troubling in the extreme'. He himself remains untroubled.

Maybe someone blew their nose on his copy.

Hmmm… The White House just sent its talking points on Ukraine to House Democrats.

Here are some screenshots, per source. pic.twitter.com/VvNAaqKP3D

— Andrew Desiderio (@AndrewDesiderio) September 25, 2019

Source says the White House just sent a follow-up to “recall” the email to House Democrats containing talking points...

— Andrew Desiderio (@AndrewDesiderio) September 25, 2019

hahaha. "unsend! unsend!"

i'd be delighted to see Barr get eaten by this too.

I would like to thank @WhiteHouse for sending me their talking points on how best to spin the disastrous Trump/Zelensky call in Trump’s favor. However, I will not be using their spin and will instead stick with the truth.
But thanks though.

— US Rep Brendan Boyle (@RepBrendanBoyle) September 25, 2019

Sticking with the truth, huh? Yet another example of the 'Deep State'.

They accidentally sent an email to Democratic members of Congress?

i mean for how long have we read the the WH is an understaffed disaster? surely something like this will send them into a tailspin like no other.

Zelensky with two Ys in the shamscript invalidates the whole thing as evidence sorry.

― nashwan, Wednesday, September 25, 2019 9:49 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

they did this again in the talking points email!!!