Seizing back control: The ILX lol brexit is how we're all gonna die thread.

Skimmed the first three paragraphs and that is heelarious

it will be even more piss funny when this huge LibDem surge (encouraged by EU election results and those wacky YouGov jokers) doesn't actually happen, sheeit I've probably ensured it will happen by posting this :(

this is the product of a very powerful brain

The results of the election were described by one leading constitutional expert in an emotional late-night TV appearance as “a massive clusterfuck.” Labour technically “won” with 240 seats, marginally ahead of the rump Conservatives on 235. A total of 25 Independent Conservatives returned to the Commons, and the SNP hoovered up 50 Scottish seats.

Swinson marginally avoided losing her own seat, but hung on to cheer as 76 other Lib Dems were elected, taking seats from both Labour and the Tories.

The events that followed led to October 2019 being widely remembered as the most momentous month in British peacetime history. It started with Buckingham Palace signalling that the Queen would not immediately summon Corbyn and ask him to form a Government. As Corbyn’s few remaining media allies fulminated about a constitutional coup, it became clear why the Monarch had hesitated: Tom Watson, still Labour’s deputy leader, announced that he was resigning the Labour whip and would sit as a Social Democrat; he was quickly joined by more than 100 of his former Labour colleagues.

While Johnson, still technically Prime Minister, remained in No 10 facing Tory calls to quit in favour of Farage, Swinson made her move.

More from this author
What's killing the Conservatives?

By James Kirkup

Inspired, as she later confirmed, by an old episode of The West Wing, she summoned TV cameras to film her walking slowly from the House of Commons up Whitehall then along the Mall to Buckingham Palace. Accompanied initially just by her Lib Dem colleagues, she was joined on the way first by Independent Conservative leader Rory Stewart, then by Watson, Emily Thornberry and Sir Keir Starmer.

By the time she reached the gates of the palace, she was able to deliver an impromptu speech declaring she and she alone could command a majority in the House of Commons and that she would wait outside until the Monarch asked her in.

For 57 minutes – later recalled as the longest hour in British history – Swinson waited, insisting that the light London rain was “nothing compared to Dumbarton”. Then the gates swung open.

the west wing just fuckin destroyed so many brains, the contents of an entire generation's skulls turned to a thin, weak broth by aaron sorkin

Don't do drugs, kids

hah xp

key sentence: "Inspired, as she later confirmed, by an old episode of The West Wing,..."

Unherd is hilarious. Idk who is pumping money into them, Tortoise, Drugstore Culture, etc. They can’t generate any income at all.

NV, I know we've had our differences, but if you persevere here you won't regret it, apart from immediately and for the rest of your life.

Terrible politics sites are the new think tanks

Ah Andrew differences are no reason not to come together around beauty like this

the incredible gravitational pull of the centrism planet prevents all but the most energetic new ideas from reaching escape velocity

new ideas like... what if jo swinson, but prime minister?

Tommy Robinson has launched a public appeal for Donald Trump to grant him asylum, as he faces imprisonment for contempt of court

“I need evacuation from this country because dark forces are at work,” he said

https://t.co/fntNX5I7sv

— Lizzie Dearden (@lizziedearden) July 8, 2019

Yack Yack wants Trump to save him from rogue british justice and the hours of poundage his fat arse is going to get when he gets sent down.

sorry tommy, america's full up iirc

As I said re that weird CH piece about Hunt, these people would be better suitee publishing this stuff on ao3 rather than getting paid real money for it. Imagine having that much money to piss up the wall.

8/10

it has most of the basics but is missing two major points. Boris should be attempting to persuade Swinson to do a pact, preferably wearing rags for reasons unknown, and just as she is deciding whether to take pity on him and/or what policies she can extract from with superior gameplay Watson rides in to save the day, followed by a cavalry of centrist soldiers, sleeves rolled up

Also where is the tortuous Lionesses tie-in. Presumably written too early but an our brave girls or talented ladies would have worked almost as well
,

drugstore culture's funding was fairly clear i think: it had one rich backer whose (very bad) idea of a successful rightwing youthsite differed sharply from his chosen editor's ditto

(that editor -- matthew d'4ncon4 -- is an idiot and a tory but tbfth he acted a lot more honourably than ooh let's say jason fkn cowley just did, when his staff came under attack) (viz iirc drugstore culture's publisher suddenly sacked a bunch of the women journalists and editors and m d'a resigned in solidarity)

anyway i think it has now been scrubbed from the entire internet and totally memoryholed

a huge loss for the marketplace of ideas

actually the word "memoryhole" reminds me of this nicely judged thread:

David Aaronovitch's train is late. He is reminded of how trains were late in the old Soviet Union.

— The Justin Horton Show (@ejhchess) July 9, 2019

what do we all make of the labour announcement? is this a victory or defeat for mccluskey et al?

pic.twitter.com/egMsLRbSOx

— James (@Gilofthepeople) July 8, 2019

Mark otm re Jason Cowley

ok i know this is niche and a lost battle and i am a professional proofreader and therefore have standards no one else grasps or acres about but MILIBAND ONLY HAS ONE L u fuxors

xp

someone repost the medium article on all the weird right wing astroturfed newsletters

ok i know this is niche and a lost battle

you're right, you should take the l

billie holiday
mahatma gandhi
the miliband brothers (and their sainted dad)

maybe it's good to also be enraged at things which haven't yet gathered political torque >:(

"A typical comment made by 12 year olds while arguing on mainstream Youtube music videos" :D

(context: i knew what take the L means w/o knowing what the L actually stands for, a quick check on urban dictionary supplies further relevant information)

a decent step up from my usual standard of posting iow

Well, I’m writing for Tortoise now, and their remit is long reads and news features - thankfully NO thinkpieces so far.

millions now living will never think

Great misspelled political names

Miliband
Khan
Corbyn
Cunt

xxxp still way above the quality threshold required for posting itt

The #AbolishEton proposal doing the rounds in Labour constituency parties also commits to wholesale seizure and "redistribution" of all property - buildings, money, investments - belonging to all independent schools. https://t.co/ww2Vz6wLzA

— Mark Wallace (@wallaceme) July 9, 2019

shut up and take my vote

is the "redistribution" of all property in quotes because they are planning on keeping it all for themselves (ha ha ha skeletor laugh jpeg)

this needs to be done w/ extreme care i.e. as sneakily as possible

I’ll tell the communists, there’ll be no tanks on Eton’s lawn tonight.

they are giving it all back to me iirc

i for one support the establishment of the mark s academy for sub-editing, proof-reading and posting

Because nothing says 'having a completely normal one' more than emailing me pretending to be my dead father. pic.twitter.com/UH9uOHZczX

— Owen Jones🌹 (@OwenJones84) July 9, 2019

that is so fucked up.

Eeee by-gum!

hmm... perhaps the perpetrator has a background in linguistics.

Early Left favourites to succeed Kate Hoey in Vauxhall are @PeoplesMomentum chief @ParkerCiccone (lives locally) and Katy Clark, ex-MP and senior staffer to Corbyn (lives locally, daughter at local school). Should be fascinating selection as centrists still influential in CLP.

— Paul Waugh (@paulwaugh) July 8, 2019

dunting-kruger submit post

(ok that joke has only been made once to date on twitter)

I bet Amy Lamé has a try, she nearly got Tessa Jowell’s old seat and has a lot of influential centrist pals obvs.

If her record as Night Tsar is anything to go by then she would be a disaster.

the night tsar commands an army of the undead from east of the wall, one assumes

Well, she’d climb over dead bodies to reach a photo opportunity with aNoThEr LaBoUr CeNtRiSt, so I reckon she is oblivious to the criticisms levelled at her by the little people.

Bercow selected the McGinn amendment (gay marriage in NI) but not the Grieve amendment (anti prorogation)

Selections of Amdts for #northernIrelandBill. @ConorMcGinn NC1 on equal marriage selected, NC14 from Grieve on recall from prorogation is not selected. pic.twitter.com/eu1kQC7TdQ

— Labour Whips (@labourwhips) July 9, 2019