The art of maintaining romance with no money at all

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Yeah you know, they should be done every day, but they aren't are they? And I am no exception.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I agree with Penelope on the bath (was just about to type it!) but if you are looking for romance rather than a treat, I would suggest having the bath together with candles & wine. I love that the most! Especially if it's with champagne, but I am happy with a cheap bottle of cava!!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:54 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah! a bottle of cava, plus a bath-bomb from lush (under £3 and SOOOO luxurious) and some candles= somewhat cheezy but still really sweet and thoughtful romance.

offer to wash her hair, as well. it is so nice to have someone else wash your hair.

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, you are so right. Combine applying conditioner with scalp massage and it's a surefire winner.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm putty right now.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, that's a good one.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:59 (twenty-one years ago)

It's in the bag.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah it IS really nice to make a big deal out of something sometimes, I'd never deny that. Some sex IS different and special for all kinds of reasons.

I just wouldn't want someone to emphasise that they were doing something sexual FOR me, as a present. If they are doing something kinda one-way then I know it's because they want to please me and that's enough, without announcing it. I suppose that's all I don't like, the *announcing* or the edge of bestowing favours.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I disagree on the bath front. But I would. I like having baths, but they're private things for me.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Well I think she's good to go with the bath thing. It's tried and tested, that one.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:04 (twenty-one years ago)

whats wrong with someone doing something sexual and nice FOR you? its a nice gesture.

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:10 (twenty-one years ago)

teabagging did not come from ILX. Its an age old practice.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, but I learned the *word* for it on ILX.

In fact, come to think about it, on a thread where I was talking about Joe intruding on my bathtime by coming into the bathroom while I was bathing, and plunking a speaker playing Spiritualized and a BEANBAG on the floor by the bath. Someone misread the post as "teabag" and... well...

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:29 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah that was me.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:35 (twenty-one years ago)

BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

You made Joe a very happy man. Well, for a while. Grrrrr.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:36 (twenty-one years ago)

ha. i love that the most common theme on a thread about romancing a girl is teabagging.

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sorry.

It's depressed me, bringing it up, so I am reaping my just desserts... Or deserts, as the case may be. :-(

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:39 (twenty-one years ago)

"Find threads from I Love Everything, containing teabagging.
35 results found"

AND I STILL DON'T GET IT! What is teabagging? Please spell it out to me in your most blatantly detailed way.

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I think you should ask the same question on the oral sex thread, and you might get a response. PLEASE no one respond here... keep this thread work safe!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:27 (twenty-one years ago)

(Sorry, didn't mean to defile the romance thread!)

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:29 (twenty-one years ago)

It's OK, I already have - just we don't need to get any more graphic here!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:30 (twenty-one years ago)

hanna, i've asked for you on the oral sex thread, hopefully someone will answer!

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:32 (twenty-one years ago)

done.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Thank you!

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:45 (twenty-one years ago)

The thought of my other half doing something sexual for me because they know I like it but I know *they* don't is an utter turn-off.

(though sometimes I can convince myself that just this once, they *are* enjoying it)

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:30 (twenty-one years ago)

It's not so much "don't like it" as "mildly indifferent towards it".

I can't think of any circumstances under which I would do something I actively disliked sexually for a partner. A partner who loved me wouldn't ask me to. (Well, not more than the once it would take to find out that I didn't like it.)

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Essentially I just agree with Archel's theory that even the concept of sexual favours creates relativistic issues that I wouldn't want to deal with. That doesn't mean that within the strict confines of bedroom games it might not be acceptable, but as an actual socio-political tactic it's a dud from the start.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:36 (twenty-one years ago)

i think too much is being read into this. If I wanted to lavish some romance on my boy & i thought part of it was oral, then that would be more for him. I enjoy doing it, I wouldn't do it otherwise, but I would want it to be all about him, not about me, that is why you can 'treat' a partner sexually. Invariably I wouldn't do it if I didn't enjoy it.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post to Mark...

Some people have a problem with power games in the bedroom?

But the bedroom is exactly the place FOR power games.

Keep them in the bedroom, keep them out of places in the relationship that they don't belong. (Such as jealousy over the previous life before said relationship, something which *I* personally would find utterly unacceptible in a partner. So it only goes to show that everybody has a different idea of what they would or wouldn't find OK in a relationship - that's why there's chocolate *and* vanilla.)

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, I do want to demonstrate consideration and romance and stuff and I will do that sexually sometimes. I guess it would easy to get into too much of a boring routine if the concept of giving your partner a treat *never* enters into sex.

ha, xpost with Pink. Yes.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

In that case, Kate, I think we're agreeing!

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think power games necessarily have a place in relationships at all tbh, but if you are talking about say for example playing the dominant one in the bedroom, then that's fine.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:45 (twenty-one years ago)

'Games' is the operative word here I think...

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't get me wrong, sex games are fine, but not 'games' as in some sort of power struggle within the relationship you know.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Well... I *thought* (perhaps wrongly, considering what eventually ended up happening within the relationship) that sexual power games in the bedroom were a good way of symbolising or diverting or preventing actual power games outside of the bedroom.

Not in a negative "withholding sex/rewarding" sort of way, but more in a "let's play symbolic sexual games instead of actual power games" sort of way.

But boy, was I wrong...

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Not really sure what you are getting at K, (brain is mush due to a crappy day at work) but I would have thought the bedroom was the one place where it was better to be up front & honest,no?

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not talking about being dishonest! I'm talking about turning your partner over your knee and beating him with a cane when you're experiencing tensions in other parts of your lives!

Though unfortunately, the effect of that eventually wears off...

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Hm, to be honest if I've got issues in a part of my relationship, the last place I would want to sort them out would be during sex, but's it's a interesting point that you've made.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Thing is, it did actually work in the short term. But, very obviously, it didn't work in the long term. It was just another way of diverting or avoiding arguments which could not be indefinitely avoided.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I think it;s a valid viewpoint kate, wish that could work for me. although i'm sure there have been a few anger sessions in the bedroom at times!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

If they are arguments which are silly and don't really affect much of anything, then I think it works. But, unfortunately, there were too many VERY IMPORTANT arguments which needed to be discussed and resolved - it was just another way of avoiding dealing with them.

I mean, it's a good way to get out of an argument about whose turn it is to do the dishes. It's not a good way to get out of an argument about whose flat you are going to live in.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

If you want to go the uber-slick route, slow dance with her in a very very dimly lit room.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:27 (twenty-one years ago)

All we need to make sure is that bedroom games are understood as "sexxxy fun and pretending etc." while power games are defined as "manipulative, divisive struggles for control in the holistic relationship" or somesuch. Does that make sense?

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, it makes sense. And I still stand by the assertation that sometimes, when used in the right way, bedroom games can prevent or at least sublimate power games.

Maybe it didn't work in the long run, but it did work for over a year.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Jeanne is OTM.

Personally I dont' think I'd ever know what to do with a book of coupons, I'd never use them.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Ooh yes jeanne, definitely!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

If you are going to cook her a meal, make sure you go the whole way & dress up in a suit aswell.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd be too busy laughing my ass off to slow dance with anyone.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Cooking while in the suit can be a trouble, though.

(I am getting better at making tomato sauces, so the next step for me is considering homemade pasta.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

In the right mood i think that would be lovely. each to their own though I guess.
x-post
Change at the last minute ned innit? ;-)

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:49 (twenty-one years ago)

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