Seizing back control: The ILX lol brexit is how we're all gonna die thread.

Ditto I always think that when I hear about politicians going on walking holidays.

The frit and the frenulum

the best bad post

or the worst good post?

No that one is good, though I am trying to appreciate the sparkling wordplay while not actually forming any mental images at all, ever, of anything.

Wish i didn't have "we're all going on a wanking holiday" playing in my head on a loop

This is the kind of stuff that the government's new internet bill will make illegal

just a lovely mental image of philip may and cliff richard enjoying a mutual hand shandy on a bracing snowdonia hillside as theresa glares on, d

Wanking off the Brexit cliff-edge

meanwhile, in an alternate universe, sajid javid is an underworld kingpin

Sajid Javid has suggested he could have ended up in a life of crime, having grown up in a poor neighbourhood where fellow pupils shoplifted and were recruited by drug dealers.

In a speech on tackling serious violence, the home secretary launched an enthusiastic defence of stop and search, a police tactic discouraged by Theresa May because of the divisive effect on communities.

Javid said crime had overtaken health as one of the biggest public concerns, and that seeing the faces of victims of knife crime made him fear for his own children.

Javid’s first major speech on crime, with its deeply personal tone, was his first public salvo in the Conservative leadership race, one where he has slipped behind more organised rivals, such as Boris Johnson, Jeremy Hunt and Dominic Raab. Hunt, like Javid, aims to present himself as a Tory moderate who embraced Brexit.

MPs have suggested the home secretary lacks “a front story” that sets out a distinctive political agenda – a reference to his compelling backstory as the Rochdale-born son of Pakistani immigrants who rose to become home secretary.

Speaking to an audience of youth workers and senior police officers in east London on Monday, Javid that the “mindset of government needs to shift” to tackle violence among young people. It needed to use data more effectively to improve understanding of the routes into violence and crime.

Javid said his own start in life “could have been very different” had he not had the good influence of his parents and teachers.

“I grew up on what one tabloid dubbed Britain’s most dangerous street,” he said. “It’s not so difficult to see how, instead of being in cabinet, I could have turned out to have a life of crime myself. Pupils at my school were shoplifting and asked me if I wanted to help.

“There were drug addicts who stood near my school gates and told me if I joined in I could make some easy money. But I was lucky, I had loving and supportive parents who, despite my own circumstances, gave me the security that I needed.”

In a sense, are we not all, on the stolen bus United Kingdom, on a wanking holiday?

Jesus, I don't know if they're into edging, they're not Catholics!

As a teenager, Javid developed an interest in financial markets, following the Thatcher government's privatisations. At the age of fourteen, he borrowed £500 from a bank to invest in shares and became a regular reader of the Financial Times.

"fell in with a bad crowd" story checks out

corrupted in childhood by a poisonous ideology, a tale as old as time

shoplifting is such standard rites of passage stuff in posh suburbs as well as council estates.. and is good not bad!

Sajid's dad did own a shop so I imagine he would have disagreed with you on that score.

nv otm obv

the real question here is which fucking bank is giving £500 to a 14-year-old, even one so precociously at-ease carrying a briefcase as the young sajid javid so clearly was

the bank of daddy

look if you think i'm gonna rise to the 'bate of replying to that with some filth about theresa may making a withdrawal from philip's bank of daddy on their welsh wanking trip you're 100% wrong pal

"seeing the faces of victims of knife crime"

what at what point did he see them

as he plunged his dagger into the soft flesh just under their ribs, one must assume

Karlheinz Böhm has nothing on young Sajid.

Javid once met someone whose house was burgled of all contents bar some of the cutlery. Just the spoons and the forks were left after this appalling incident.

Hi guys, what did I miss today...oh...

sorry 4 sajid javid content

Just like most so called w/c tories the yarns he spins about his upbringing often sound like spurious bollox at best.

Pleased to have had a candid discussion with @jeremycorbyn today about the direction of Brexit, Northern Ireland, NATO, acting boldly on climate, protecting human rights, and the necessity of forcefully confronting anti-Semitism & Islamophobia. pic.twitter.com/xadfAaZO8d

— Nancy Pelosi (@SpeakerPelosi) April 14, 2019

corbyn claims to be a socialist AND YET he owns two pairs of glasses

interesting

love jezza's body language there, clearly the posture of a dyed-in-the-wool antisemite

All that's left of the impersonator they sent out first.

as a stage 2 Mr Magoo I can understand someone packing reading + distance glasses.

continuing on the theme of CHUK flatfootedness vis-vis continuity_leave forces - TIG may not be able to stand in the euro elections (click through for thread) but...

No, because they were added to the register on 5th Feb, which means they applied before 4 Feb.

— Stats for Lefties (@LeftieStats) April 15, 2019

Can’t believe all those captains of industry and milk enthusiasts couldn’t get a form in in time after all that.

The old approach to form filling is broken. Not filling in forms in time is the wave of the future. It's what Macron would do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbz-IsEOCKo

hat's off to CHUK - not only having a bonfire of pointless bureaucracy, but also saying fuck it to their whole raisan d'etre - true mavericks!

t may is a walking hoarse nest pas

hedges has announced his candidacy for the euro elections. seems over for corbyn now

I think I've read this exact same article in Canadian and French newspapers:

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2019/apr/16/fifth-of-teachers-plan-to-leave-profession-within-two-years

even though he's moved on years ago and gov policy has been to undermine + underpay all the public sector apart from the dirty five o. I still don't think you can rule out the Gove effect yet.

the visceral hatred teachers I've spoken to have for Gove is something.

UKIP are actually running Carl Benjamin AKA Sargon of Akkad as a MEP candidate!

mario draghi to stand down in favour of pewdepie

hats off to ukip, they've managed to find new depths to plumb where other parties would be content to rest on their laurels

I'm a teacher and I think Gove's a cunt. These things need not always be related but there's certainly a subset where this is a direct correlation.

I'm pretty lucky at my school in that we get left to teach. I'm broadly of the opinion that accountability is a good thing but linking it to wages is fucked: there are so many contributing factors to a kid going awry and leaving that ultimately with the teacher is bizarre. Having worked all over the place (only come to teaching in the last 5 years) the workload thing is hard to pin down. It's basically the moment-to-moment aspect of teaching that is impossible to quantify - what it demands of you when there are kids in front of you. The rest is down to management - personal and from a senior leadership perspective.

Anyway, all jobs are shit, we just to get to hear about why teaching is shit all the time. And I'm on a two-week break, so y'know.

From what I’ve heard, teaching jobs are more shit in the UK than even in the USA, at all levels, because of the “accountability” bullshit.

Still not accountable enough for Tory cunts though...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-47768631

I hate to use the phrase, you couldn't make it up, but you couldn't make it up.

So having analysed the names of 20,000-odd councillors I was going to do a map showing the most common local politicians' names in different places. Only problem is you end up with A GREAT BIG MAP OF JOHN pic.twitter.com/dbFoZUpAXG

— David Ottewell (@davidottewell) April 16, 2019

Paul? WTF?

solid Prod name i reckon