Seizing back control: The ILX lol brexit is how we're all gonna die thread.

Here is the Guardian guide to how MPs voted.

And here is the list of Tory MPs who voted against the withdrawal agreement at the second meaningful vote (MV2) but for it this afternoon: Lucy Allan, Richard Bacon, Crispin Blunt, Conor Burns, Rehman Chishti, Simon Clarke, Damian Collins, Rosie Cooper, Robert Courts, Richard Drax, Iain Duncan Smith, Charlie Elphicke, Michael Fabricant, Sir Michael Fallon, Jim Fitzpatrick....

Bush looked all chirpy. The lobby is appallingly Young White Men btw - his was the only black face I saw in the entire gallery, and I counted three women in the press section out of about 35.

Did you see dire sketch artists Peck and Deacon?

I guess we're looking at a long extension now and the only thing that guarantees that happening under the guise of the UK reassessing its strategy is an election. Assuming none of the indicative votes passes on Monday.

No, but I did bump a dude doing a dreadful actual sketch in black ink

From a friend at the FT:

"Rumours No. 10 calling a 5pm presser. Fuck them. It's Friday. We're all going to the pub."

It's entirely possible she resigns this evening and nobody turns up.

That would be peak Theresa May.

— John Bull (@garius) March 29, 2019

tbf all sketch artists are dire, it doesn't need qualifying

Honestly fucks sake can someone just hide the lectern

[beloved national broadcaster]’s gossip still holding true, I’d like to thank [them] for keeping me slightly more sane than I otherwise would have been.

[beloved national broadcaster]’s gossip still holding true, I’d like to thank [the person] for keeping me slightly more sane than I otherwise would have been.

What does bantz logic dictate happens Monday

https://therionorteline.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/the-black-night-monty-python-and-the-holy-grail-591472_800_441.jpg

how reliable has [beloved national broadcaster]'s actual official coverage been, as a matter of interest? this kind of insight shouldn't be creeping out as cafe gossip, it shd be front and centre of mainstream analysis -- viz counting heads as accurately as the whips are, seeing thru the daily party pronouncements (all basically deflecting or manipulative garbage from all parties) (lol except the DUP bless em), and keeping everyone single MP's actual real but different red lines clear in their heads and ours too

I’m not sure it’s relevant to this thread apart from Suzy to just remind us of how she’s on speaking terms with beloved national broadcasters...? If they’re not saying it in their paid gig, should it really be on here?

bantz logic: revealed after a long and daring investigation to be posting on twitter as dril, queen elizabeth ii announces her abdication in favour of yung kim jong-un and departs this earth in an alien chariot

straining to think of a national broadcaster who I wouldn't push into a pit, never mind a beloved one!

The most banterific outcome now would be May to just revoke A50, go "fuck it, you've had your chance" and immediately resign.

Can she revoke it without a lol vote?

Flick some Vs in Arlene Foster's face and say, "Gerrit right up ye, ya Orange cow!"

Guess we’re on lectern watch again in an hour.

Thinking that 1 billion for the extension to Arlene Foster's house and for Sammy Wilson's winter holiday in the Bahamas was not well spent.

Yes she can revoke on her own recognisance - though it looks like we'll get MV4 vs Letwin results cage match instead.

calzino - if you push Blobby in, Blobby bounces out higher!

I’m not on speaking terms, really! BNB compered the event where I flayed one T May about 20 years ago when I got invited to be on panels like that and I couldn’t resist saying hello. They were just giving their opinion on upcoming events based on knowledge, not something provable, and because of the parameters of their particular job wrt impartiality etc, they aren’t someone who editorialises on air. So could people itt calm down?

**NEWS FLASH**

Following legal representations from the web site Change.org, Change UK (formerly The Kasabian Group) will be changing its name to The National Pinterest Party with immediate effect.

I think you’ll find they are calm

You are on lectern watch in an hour gyac. I'll be drinking in the pub and devising new ways to troll the usual people.

I've got a new name for my solo project.

https://www.thenational.scot/news/17537521.angry-question-time-mans-flute-band-is-marching-outside-westminster/

I am calm suzy. Just posting as I normally do.

xxp pour one out for those of us under the yoke of capitalism I guess.

did we always all hate each other this much yes

I don’t hate you deems, just your half arsed trolling

ppl say that but look

Sure lookit

Stop looking at his half arse

heaven is a

I wonder if the Downing Street lectern has a parody Twitter account yet.

yes i wasn't taking a shot at you suzy or even BNB really: just being a bit gawkerish abt the media culture of "insider knowledge" diverging from the content of public analysis. if the gossip so-called is accurate enough (as it seems to have been!) then there's really no good reason for BNB's news organisation not to be transmitting it to viewers in the form of accurate coverage. all of BNB's organisation's viewers deserve to being kept sane by this good news-gathering getting right out into the open, and not just being shared on an informal basis.

"Fuck knows, I'm past caring, it's like the Living Dead in here" would have made a great thread title in fairness.

not that i've been paying any attention to BNB's organisation's actual broadcast material -- maybe it's great! that's why i asked. (i bet it isn't that great though.)

The DUP’s deputy leader, Nigel Dodds, has hinted that the door is not closed on his party supporting Theresa May and her deal.

He confirmed that the party’s position was a “principled” one, centred on the union of the United Kingdom and the threat the backstop posed to that.

But, in a statement, he suggested the problems were not insurmountable, in the DUP’s view. He said:

In our recent discussions with the government good progress has been made on how domestic legislation would assist in ensuring the economic integrity of the UK as a whole and recognising Northern Ireland’s particular situation sharing a land border with the European Union.

We have encouraged the government to, as Dominic Raab has said [see 12.43pm], return to Brussels on these issues and not simply to accept the position of the European Union as being unalterable. The government must use the remaining time to deal with widely held concerns across the House of Commons.

Theresa May: À la recherche du ten per DUP

underselling it as a board description xp matt

I mean that seems reasonable until you read the part “as Dominic Raab has said”.

lol xp

fuck knows, I'm past caring, it's like the living dead in here: lol brexit is how we're all gonna… wait this doesn't really work

xp

haha ignore my strange claim above that the DUP's announcements aren't also manipulative garbage btw

So if No Deal happens, how quickly does the UK scramble back to the negotiating table, cap in hand? I don't think even the most Brexit ultra PM would be able to hold out for that long.

fuck it, give us a general election (which will result in a hung parliament for the banter)

L(OL)BI.

Mark, I did tell you who BNB was the other night at our pal’s book launch! The news broadcast in question hasn’t been captured by Tories, thankfully.

Irish PM says UK may not fully appreciate risk of no-deal Brexit
The Irish prime minister, Leo Varadkar, has that the UK does not realise a no-deal Brexit is still an option, and a growing possibility. In a statement just issued he said:

Ireland has been preparing intensively for a no-deal scenario. But no one should under-estimate the difficulties that a no-deal will present, for all of us, including the UK. It is not clear that the UK has fully understood that no-deal is not off the agenda. Rather, it’s a growing possibility.

He said it was up to the UK to decide what to do now. And he went on:

I believe we must be open to a long extension should the United Kingdom decide to fundamentally reconsider its approach to Brexit and put back on the table options previously ruled out. I believe that will result in a generous and understanding response from the 27.

does "preparing intensively" include plans for deploying border militias I wonder, pruriently

This will unfortunately be seen by the most swivel-eyed (who appear to have May's ear) as confirmation that the EU will blink first, or if that they don't blink then they definitely will do without all that they demand for a trade deal.

i couldnt possibly say silby