Avengers: Infinity War

I saw Return of the King in the theater, so this punch em up will be #3.

Tree of Life was a hair longer than this 'un. I'd wager I've seen my share of 3+ hour films on a big screen (and a good number more at home).

that “arrrgh” noise is all the theaters realizing they’ll be able to cram in one fewer showing per day

Not if they put it on another screen!

I'm kinda surprised to have just looked and discovered that 2001 is only 164 minutes.

Last time I checked out superhero nerd youtube videos (midnight's edge, etc), they were complaining about movies being cut down to under 2 hours before release. Daredevil was a popular example -- and after the director's version of that was released, they replaced it with Zach Snyder's oeuvre. They didn't seem to catch on that movies were being trimmed down because they were bad. This ought to please the little SOBs.

Who tf in 2019 is wasting their breath on the Daredevil movie

Do not sully the brave men who put themselves in harm's way in 2003

that “arrrgh” noise is all the theaters realizing they’ll be able to cram in one fewer showing per day

Ah, they'll just show it on 7 screens instead of 5.

They will show the movie across two screens in conjoined theaters and you have to buy tix to both to see the left and right side of the screen

Also: Theatres will be open 24 hours and Marvel Studios will be offering fans collectable portable urinals.

Have a cinema poster or 32.

https://io9.gizmodo.com/everyones-very-sad-or-dead-on-these-new-avengers-end-1833579485

Also: Theatres will be open 24 hours and Marvel Studios will be offering fans collectable portable urinals.

"Avenge Your Bladder"

How long was Brannagh Hamlet?

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, March 26, 2019 2:27 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

242 mins xp

― Simon H., Tuesday, March 26, 2019 2:29 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

not sure there's a more bombastic intermission break than this one

Tickets on sale. Enjoy a new trailer in the meantime:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCSNFZKbhZE

I realized that Dogville was longer by just a smidge. Surely this will be less painful than Dogville.

FYI, if you're trying to avoid spoilers, I'd avoid even the marketing and merchandise at this point. Depictions of the Hulk alone seem to constitute a spoiler for those who know what they're looking for.

Jennifer Walters or gtfo

the "Dead Hulk Playset" is a bit of a giveaway tbf

Only if you know it exists, sheesh!

Seriously, though, for those who aren't spoiler-averse, click the link and take a look at that face. Tell me it doesn't mean what I think it means: https://cdn3.movieweb.com/i/article/wk8dbGSiD1ftidQzSv9Zav7h7tmXQj/798:50/Avengers-4-Leaked-Art-Quantum-Realm-Costumes-Fake.jpg

Hahaha, I went to look for tickets for the 6pm showing at my favorite theater on opening night and uh

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D3JnkqkWsAAotCl?format=png&name=900x900

That was after waiting in a queue for 12 minutes.

I guess this is gonna be successful

yeah i agree with your line of thinking OL

An hour and twenty minutes wait and only because Alamo finally admitted their system was fucked and gave out a Fandango link instead, but opening night tickets in metaphorical hand, at least.

I will still be in WDW on opening night, and even if the notion of spending a night of our vacation at the movies didn't feel like a complete misuse of the time I'd estimate my chances of getting tickets to the Disney Springs AMC at around -150%.

If you are at Disney they should project it on the side of the magic castle.

Got mine

Some low-quality footage of scenes from Avengers: Endgame leaked onto the web on Monday, more than 10 days before the movie’s release. For a Marvel movie that has been shrouded in mystery—even more so than the others—this is a weird and unprecedented development, so much so that a lot of people think the footage is some sort of gag or misdirect, or only deleted scenes.

Upon watching the disjointed footage, however, everything that leaked appears plausible and logical (for a comic book movie). And as the leak is getting harder and harder to find by the minute, that hints at its authenticity—and means you might want to read a summary of what happens.

WARNING: SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILEROS! SPOILIDAD!

Yeah, I've been avoiding that shit like the plague. I'm clearly going to need to make every effort to see this opening weekend to avoid internet jagoffery.

my wife got us tickets to a child-friendly screening of this on opening day - three hours of trying to pay attention to both the screen and my 10-month-old daughter while other people's kids scream/run around/shit themselves, what could possibly go wrong

as long as i can give the climactic scene of ant-man explosively expanding inside thanos' asshole my full attention i'll be fine

Well I guess I know why it's called Endgame now, thank u 4 the spoiler.

is it really still a spoiler if it's the iconic scene we've all been waiting for from these movies since 2008

I wouldn't say I've been waiting for that specifically but I've been impatiently tapping my fingers wondering when one of these superpowered battles was going to resolved through the employment of extreme rectal trauma, certainly.

Alex Klotz is a scientist at MIT. He studies, among other things, “DNA knots and the science of falling through the Earth.” Thankfully, he was game to talk to us about the Avengers: Endgame Thanos ass theory.

“The basic situation here is one of constrained expansion,” Klotz begins, comparing Ant-Man’s hypothetical attack to filling a water bottle to the brim, then freezing it. When the water freezes and turns to ice, it will expand, which will break the container. What if it doesn’t bust? The “much less likely scenario,” he says, is that the container will be strong enough to prevent breaking, so “the pressure inside the container will increase until the water turns into an exotic higher-density phase of ice.”

So in Endgame, he says, Thanos’ rectum is the container and Ant-Man’s body is the water. The question is: Is Ant-Man’s expansion greater than the compressive tolerance of Thanos’ ass?

“I don’t know,” he says, “but I’ll try to find out.”

Ant-Man’s physical makeup — and the mechanics of his expansion inside Thanos’ butthole — must be taken into consideration.

“If Ant-Man were more fluid as he expanded, he would splurt through the two sphincters on either side of the rectum, out of the anus and into the colon,” Klotz explains. “However, based on videos of him shrinking and growing, it looks like he can only expand isotropically, without changing shape.”

That is, Ant-Man expands and shrinks while maintaining Ant-Man form; he doesn’t turn into some Flubber abomination. So, Klotz says, we can now ask what happens if Ant-Man fails to expand.

“I can think of three possibilities,” Klotz tells MEL. First, “he just gets stuck, rectum-sized, until he shrinks again.” Second, Ant-Man “tries to expend but builds up so much pressure that it kills him.” Finally, the third scenario: Ant-Man “splurting out of the anus,” Klotz says.

So, Klotz explains, that leaves us with “three questions that must be answered to get to the bottom of this (no pun intended): How much pressure can a regular rectum take? How much stronger is Thanos than a regular human? And how much pressure can Ant-Man exert when he expands?”

https://melmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/20190401_205347_2.jpg

Thanks to an unpleasant-sounding balloon procedure called a rectal compliance test, there is “already scientific knowledge about the expansive tolerance of the human rectum,” Klotz says. Alas, we’re not dealing with a human rectum — we’re dealing with the strongest anal sphincter in the universe, bolstered by nothing less than the Power Stone.

“According to the paper I found, a healthy value of rectal compliance is 7 mL/mmHg [a pressure measurement unit],” Klotz explains. “If we divide the volume of a rectum (about 100 mL, based on some quick googling) by the rectal compliance, we get a bulk modulus of 2 kilopascals.”

Bulk modulus? That’s “the relationship between how much bigger or smaller something gets and the pressure that is stretching or compressing it.”

The biophysicist quickly admits that this is a much smaller number than he was expecting: “Apparently it’s really easy to expand a rectum,” he tells MEL. “I’m going to trust the medical literature here over my own intuition.”

The next question is how much stronger is Thanos’ butthole than a normal butthole. Fortunately, similar data exists. “A scientist named Steven Cranford calculated, based on one of Thanos’ crushing feats, that his grip strength is 750,000 times greater than the average man’s, so I will use that ratio.”

Working under Cranford’s calculations, Thanos’ rectal tolerance is “about 15,000 atmospheres, about two thirds of the bulk modulus of water,” Klotz says.

“This is lucky for us,” he notes, “because it tells us that if Ant-Man can expand underwater, then he can expand inside Thanos’ butt. Frustratingly, I cannot find any information on whether Ant-Man can expand underwater or not, but we have reduced a complicated question to a much simpler one, which is all we can hope for with something like this. I would guess that he can, but who knows.”

The math we’ve done so far really only accounts for Thanos’ ass. The rest of his body may be stronger. Ant-Man’s success “hinges on a number of other things,” Klotz says. “Each tissue and connection in the body has its own strength and its own limits, so even if he can expand through the rectal wall, I don’t know if, for example, the same could be said about breaking the pelvis.”

Then there’s the variable of the Power Stone, which grants the holder (and, presumably, his ass) complete indestructibility when it’s at full capacity. Another element to consider: Doctor Strange, a magician with clairvoyant powers, has surely foreseen all the scenarios in which Ant-Man kills Thanos from inside his ass and knows it is the only way. So perhaps we can assume that Ant-Man will be successful?

Given what we’ve calculated, Klotz says, at the very least it won’t be a wasted effort on Ant-Man’s part. “Literally tearing him a new one will do plenty of damage in its own right,” he concludes, “and at the very least [it’ll] be extremely unpleasant.”

it's lot to think about ahead of opening day tbh

I'm glad to see someone putting science to good use for a change.

Upon watching the disjointed footage, however, everything that leaked appears plausible and logical (for a comic book movie).

oh SHHIIIIIIIITT, I watched it and Thanos gets taken down by catching cancer from a file clerk while a condom with teeth bites his dick off!!!!!

this, after i specifically went out of my way not to post any spoilers from behind that link itt

smdh sic, not cool

hey, we all watch comic book movies, the same stuff happens in every one

Ass expansion

iirc they didn’t get that far in the adaptation, but there’s plenty in König’s original work

SPOILER:

https://variety.com/2019/film/news/avengers-endgame-josh-brolin-thanos-butt-1203195126/

damn thanos is dummy thicc

I’m sort of resigned to these things never going away and try to take the attitude that I won’t bother them if they don’t bother me, but I got genuinely IA when I found out that this new one is over 3 hours long. Mainly because my local “arthouse” have decided they need to screen this shit, which at 3.5hr a programme is crowding out even more smaller films than usual. I try to tell myself that ppl do seem to actually want these movies to be this long but it’s hard not to view it as the cinema acceding to a completely unnecessary ploy for lebensraum from Disney

i was a bit agnostic on these films but then i decided to watch them since our kid expressed mild interest, and generally they're very well-done and the actors are good. who knows how long they'll go on for, it's just a really impressive feat though i don't necessarily mean a cinematic one for the most part.

Actually I should be a little more sanguine as I’ve just seen that this is apparently the last one, phew

lol no

lmao it is definitely not the last one. more like a season finale.

though i don't necessarily mean a cinematic one for the most part.

it's like the world is being made into a shitty videogame that you can't even play, just watch mutely so that you are capable of making wikipedia edits if so called

lol I was joking I know the endgame isn’t real

it's like the world is being made into a shitty videogame that you can't even play, just watch mutely so that you are capable of making wikipedia edits if so called

Okay, I am completely pro these movies, but this was beautiful.