Blue Saturday

Think I'm gonna keep drinking until organs shut down feels like a plan of sorts

also gonna keep sticking "For What's It Worth" on the Secret DJ because a) why the fuck not? b) pingy guitar noise c) International breaks are the scourge of a godless fuckiverse

throw in he got game every fourth spin imo

Good call

Dit's cd

I wwishi was dead

hang in there tho, eh.

still love u boo

Stay with us & talk to us NV.

Just seen a back garden union jack sun-bleached to the point of having quite a lot of black in it

makes u think

it might be nature's way of saying "allahu akbar! you imperialist infidel scum!"

maybe it's different in other countries but when i see back garden flags they almost never look like symbols of pride but more like symbols of paranoid aggression, plus grubby and weather-worn usually

not that i care much. the blue of this flag had become strikingly, comically black, and i'm in full disconnected daydream mode, and here felt like as good as anywhere to mark the moment.

i sort of want to ramble externally to try and clarify the swirl of nebulous sadness inside me but eh, i don't know, and it probably won't be less nebulous the more i throw imprecise words at it. my evanescence must be indistinguishable from lazy helplessness from the outside. i do want to live but i don't know that i can carry on living like this, and i don't think the world outside me cares to offer alternatives. like some side plot character out of a Victorian novel who ends up too effete to deal with the necessities of survival and just fades away, or pops.

i don't know where this vast gentle pretty sadness that i float in comes from, i just think i prefer contemplating it to any alternative i can envision.

Just paused in Huddersfield station with half a bottle of Malbec to keep me going on the way home. Hi calz!

passing through "the big city" eh? Howdo!

even though I'm pure Heavy Woolen District* these days!

* well sounds better than saying ..erm somewhere near Dewsbury.

or as it is these days The Heavy Drinking, Bed Manufacturing and Karen Matthews district

Train line from Manchester to Leeds is one of my favourite vistas tbf

once you get past Stalybridge and into those ancient moors it is rather beautiful.

or was Staly bridge after? I've not been transpennining for a couple of years!

City of Manchester stadium is a fucking eyesore.

Xxp Yeah except the inevitable tunnels

(this post delayed by huge tunnel)

I mean i like Leeds to Hull stretch for all sorts of reasons too but it lacks the drama

Now Live from Leeds

If it is a windy day on Saddleworth Moor, you need ear defenders as well as anvils tied to yr feet. Seriously.

Leeds is just the vulgar epitome of ugly fucking mediocre bigness.

Yeah, thru now. Homeward stretch.

i do want to live but i don't know that i can carry on living like this, and i don't think the world outside me cares to offer alternatives.

well that got lol worse.

95 percent of my brain is screaming for the pub and i'm not sure why i'm resisting. i will end up not resisting. maybe. long as i can keep prevaricating, that's something.

just had a work leaving do coffee break for a fella who im not mad on but is alright- for some reason (well hes been promoted so thats prob it) the established timeservers (numbering the better half of the unit) have staged a no-show and between now and five pm promises to kick off properly

if you stay in ill keep the thread updated

expectation range: anywhere between uncommenting seethes but non-event to a warriors remake, in one room, costumed by primark

that is tempting. i'm currently hanging in by waiting for the UEFA draw. i've half a bottle of corner shop Rosé in the fridge so i am really fighting this one out like a trooper considering the only reason not to drink is so i can imagine that i'm not making a future that looks unimaginably blank and meaningless any worse, at the expense of making the next few hours feel considerably better tbh. i mean ugh.

ok the endless fucking intro to this draw is sorely testing my resolve

im the same but with wine gums

is there such a thing as rosé gums. youd say not but i got a pint of rosé cider last night wtf

keep it quiet but wine gums don't actually taste of wine

would definitely drink rosé cider, nay *will* definitely drink rosé cider at some point

they make it with the red apples, right?

blimey it's Cashley

I have some gin and tonic gums (shaped like cola bottle sweets but a pale yellowish colour instead of cola-coloured)

they are not very nice and don't really taste of gin and/or tonic, just v acidic with maybe the slightest tang of quinine or some unidentified unpleasant flavour that the novice gin home-brewer might optimistically declare a "botanical", but if I can work the "upload physical matter to ILX" button I'll share them round

I also had a "rosé" Kopparberg last night which tasted mainly sweet and not of any particular fruit, but I know cider purists won't regard that as a cider

best wishes NV, psyched for the Primarkopalypse updates deems

i've had Prosecco gums before, they didn't taste of owt either. i am the least purist drinker in the world but Kopparberg is generally way too sweet for my preference

hopefully darragh will fill us in on the aggro anyway because there's no way i'm not off the wagon in the next hour or two

just occured to me i could probably have watched this in the pub

teams from Russia and Ukraine can't be drawn in the same group, nbd, nothing to see here

irony is my mental health's been so bad lately i haven't been able to watch the last couple of Wolves games, it makes my anxiety too twitchy :(

update hes making a dash for it

flanking him cos thats what the union would want

process of elimination we've got Braga and Besiktas, that's a spicy meatball

dude at the ceremony completely fucking up his calls, classic material

dickhead English presenter just described our ties as "spicy", we have a lurker ladies and gentlemen

and Bratislava. fun group :)

hes gone away safe. sorry man i got nothing else to keep you here.

i just went to the shop, to get out, and it was nice being outside, and i didn't know what the hell i wanted, so i thought i'd go and get my "Michael Palin at the beginning of Monty Python" hair cut, but the atm was broke, so i went in the little mini Tesco, and i dithered, and i thought 'fuck it, pub', so i started off up the street, then i talked myself down, then i went back to the shop, then i dithered around it for 15 minutes like a crazy person, decided all i wanted to eat was veggie burgers and sweets, bought same, came home, think the urges have passed for now,

i have no idea why i'm doing anything but hey

That's honestly impressive, NV. Keep it up – booze can be pretty fucking tedious, even when you're a fan (and god knows I am).

thanks pom, like i say i don't know why not except it doesn't make anything better even if it's never gonna be better. after last week's three dayer i literally thought i was about to die on Sunday - not sure if huge hangover panic or body sending out distress flares but terrifying feeling if only because while i honestly think i'd be better off not here the moment of crossing over is scary shit also i shouldn't inflict my untimely death or indeed cleaning up my house on my loved ones i know

The hardest thing is projecting yourself into a long-term future, which requires some amount of (I'm loath to use this word but fuck it…) faith. That's when the benefits become utterly undeniable and you go 'fuck me for not doing this earlier'. It's a 40 days and 40 nights-type scenario, but it really does pay off in spades. The trick is to keep yourself busy with… whatever, really (video games usually do it for me).