God bless the goddamn Onion

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https://local.theonion.com/pretentious-woman-refers-to-slam-piece-as-partner-1831803116

Evans on Hammond (evol j), Wednesday, 16 January 2019 18:46 (seven years ago)

three weeks pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M4HNvkPtlg

Spencer Chow, Thursday, 7 February 2019 20:07 (seven years ago)

"...a film that bravely explores the theme of mental health in affluent Asian communities"

Spencer Chow, Thursday, 7 February 2019 20:09 (seven years ago)

one month passes...

Liberal Feels Like Idiot For Placing Entirety Of Hopes On Mueller Probe Instead Of New York Prosecutors’ Investigation https://t.co/ZlzzG7LLF9 pic.twitter.com/ry3ClO8dFz

— The Onion (@TheOnion) March 26, 2019

Neus Anneus (voodoo chili), Tuesday, 26 March 2019 17:47 (seven years ago)

Tucker Carlson Challenges Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez To A Date

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Wednesday, 3 April 2019 09:49 (seven years ago)

one month passes...

Abused 12-Year-Old Alabama Girl Doesn’t Think She Can Handle Being A Mom On Top Of Everything Else

nonsense upon stilts (Sanpaku), Thursday, 16 May 2019 13:06 (seven years ago)

I was just coming to post this.

Plinka Trinka Banga Tink (Eliza D.), Thursday, 16 May 2019 13:29 (seven years ago)

one month passes...

Taylor Swift Inspires Teen To Come Out As Straight Woman Needing To Be At Center Of Gay Rights Narrative

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Sunday, 23 June 2019 21:27 (six years ago)

one month passes...

Tucker Carlson Insists Every White Supremacist In America Could Fit In Stadium But That Tickets To TuckerCon Won’t Last https://t.co/mGwgJpOeRU pic.twitter.com/uepMRRyIab

— The Onion (@TheOnion) August 7, 2019

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 9 August 2019 13:19 (six years ago)

two months pass...

the onion has been churning out lots of really lazy and overly wordy headlines lately. it's like they got so used to people sharing unfunny stuff and saying "not the onion!!" that they just decided any old headline would work

Lucky Pierre Delecto (crüt), Sunday, 27 October 2019 17:02 (six years ago)

Should really post this before anyone else does

https://local.theonion.com/music-buff-pissed-come-josephine-in-my-flying-machine-1839170604/

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Sunday, 27 October 2019 17:05 (six years ago)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TsslRWdgVTI

koogs, Sunday, 27 October 2019 17:36 (six years ago)

Miles is an idiot, the version by Billy Murray & Ada Jones is clearly superior

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFZDB6DqAnA

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Sunday, 27 October 2019 17:39 (six years ago)

lol I was thinking "it you" when I read that!

calzino, Sunday, 27 October 2019 17:43 (six years ago)

Would like to imagine it was, but Jonathan Bogart worked out the piece was researched here at his blog

https://justonesongmore.com/blog/1910

This means that the song he calls "crowd-pleasing crap" is Bert Williams!

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Sunday, 27 October 2019 18:05 (six years ago)

https://politics.theonion.com/msnbc-poll-finds-support-for-bernie-sanders-has-plummet-1839538968

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Friday, 1 November 2019 19:45 (six years ago)

like i said...

esempio (crüt), Friday, 1 November 2019 23:42 (six years ago)

three weeks pass...

https://entertainment.theonion.com/frozen-2-creators-confirm-that-elsa-gay-but-also-tran-1839981134

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 22 November 2019 12:39 (six years ago)

Unfunny

Mordy, Friday, 22 November 2019 14:28 (six years ago)

three weeks pass...

New Aetna Wedding Registry Lets Guests Purchase Medical Procedures Couple Picked Out https://t.co/PhJB5QWD8y pic.twitter.com/hAyfeCf1rh

— The Onion (@TheOnion) December 18, 2019

Pete Swine Cave (Eliza D.), Wednesday, 18 December 2019 15:59 (six years ago)

two months pass...
two weeks pass...

Is The Onion machine generating headlines or something now? They keep having weird grammatical errors (or typos)

Woman Adopts Second Cat For First One To Terrorize While She At Work https://t.co/R0nqjKufTH pic.twitter.com/496lxnB7Ig

— The Onion (@TheOnion) March 10, 2020

Greta Van Show Feets BB (milo z), Tuesday, 10 March 2020 22:17 (six years ago)

You mean the "she at work" bit? That's not an error, that's just cod headline-ese.

the grateful dead can dance (anagram), Wednesday, 11 March 2020 07:42 (six years ago)

one month passes...
one month passes...

Protestors Criticized For Looting Businesses Without Forming Private Equity Firm First https://t.co/rbdfMJOiQ8 pic.twitter.com/YHY3sZaxAU

— The Onion (@TheOnion) May 28, 2020

mookieproof, Thursday, 28 May 2020 19:08 (six years ago)

one month passes...

harking back to the op

https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/onion-911-issue-oral-history

mookieproof, Wednesday, 1 July 2020 20:05 (five years ago)

Thanks for posting that, a really interesting read

kinder, Wednesday, 1 July 2020 20:49 (five years ago)

Seriously, the whole thing should have been up for a Pulitzer.
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, October 10, 2006 7:11 PM (thirteen years ago) bookmarkflaglink

Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 1 July 2020 22:46 (five years ago)

Chad Nackers, The Onion graphics editor/writer 1997 to 2017; Editor in Chief, 2017 to current:

Is that really his name? Really?

trishyb, Wednesday, 1 July 2020 23:28 (five years ago)

It is a very good article.

trishyb, Wednesday, 1 July 2020 23:31 (five years ago)

I just cackled way too loud after reading that rejected "America Stronger Than Ever" headline.

pplains, Thursday, 2 July 2020 01:55 (five years ago)

well worth reading, thanks!

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 2 July 2020 02:15 (five years ago)

two months pass...

New Subway Promotion To Honor Subtember 11 https://t.co/SXZwp3tkxe pic.twitter.com/QJjHj6KGRr

— The Onion (@TheOnion) September 8, 2020

calzino, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 18:43 (five years ago)

That's a classic.

Spencer Chow, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 18:54 (five years ago)

omg

kinder, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 20:01 (five years ago)

one of their best

Number None, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 20:23 (five years ago)

Right up there with:

Horrified Subway Execs Assumed People Were Buying Footlongs To Share With A Friend
https://www.theonion.com/horrified-subway-execs-assumed-people-were-buying-footl-1819595719

Spencer Chow, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 20:42 (five years ago)

and of course:
https://www.theonion.com/frustrated-subway-marketers-scrap-150-million-jeffrey-1836215976

Spencer Chow, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 20:43 (five years ago)

i think theres just something inherently funny about subway. i cant explain it.

methinks dababy doth bop shit too much (m bison), Tuesday, 8 September 2020 21:25 (five years ago)

Did the 9/11 one originally have Jared?

Donald Trump Also Sucks, Of Course (milo z), Tuesday, 8 September 2020 21:33 (five years ago)

no it was always that dude

Number None, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 22:24 (five years ago)

There are amazing Jared posts like this one DATED MAY 2017
https://www.theonion.com/subway-drops-jared-fogle-as-spokesperson-1819579883

Spencer Chow, Wednesday, 9 September 2020 19:52 (five years ago)

and:
https://www.theonion.com/no-one-in-prison-sure-how-jared-fogle-still-eating-subw-1825829806

Spencer Chow, Wednesday, 9 September 2020 19:52 (five years ago)

Stephen Miller Enraged After Discovering Cantaloupe He’s Fucking From Mexico https://t.co/9IUvSBGQ76 pic.twitter.com/mkCAeBx4EN

— The Onion (@TheOnion) September 17, 2020

error prone wolf syndicate (Hadrian VIII), Thursday, 17 September 2020 22:19 (five years ago)

two weeks pass...
one month passes...

lmao

https://www.theonion.com/newly-elected-qanon-congresswoman-worried-she-selling-o-1845574440

frogbs, Wednesday, 4 November 2020 20:09 (five years ago)

two months pass...

https://www.theonion.com/d-c-police-lose-control-of-rioting-trump-supporters-af-1846002738

Montgomery Burns' Jazz (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Wednesday, 6 January 2021 22:33 (five years ago)

Serbia Deploys Peacekeeping Forces To U.S. https://t.co/9OrohtoKAu pic.twitter.com/3oXoTfLbIE

— The Onion (@TheOnion) January 6, 2021

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 6 January 2021 22:52 (five years ago)

🐦[Serbia Deploys Peacekeeping Forces To U.S. https://t.co/9OrohtoKAu🕸 pic.twitter.com/3oXoTfLbIE🕸
— The Onion (@TheOnion) January 6, 2021🕸]🐦


That’s a rerun from 2000! I remember the Onion’s coverage from that well.

Boring United Methodist Church (Boring, Maryland), Wednesday, 6 January 2021 23:44 (five years ago)

Lol. because I was working there back then!

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 6 January 2021 23:52 (five years ago)


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