Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2009/05/11/p323/090511_contest_p323.jpg
* And when they told me YOU would be interviewing me, I readily agreed to tell everything.....even the details of our clandestine affair in detail.... knowing this was your dream...... the ultimate reality show!!
* And then Marge Simpson said to me, "You know, honey, I really don't care if it lasts longer than four hours."
* After Harvard Business School the really tough choice was Go to Wall Street or Become a famous Bimbo?
* Yes, my new movie is titled "The Stimulus Package." I play a hoojer.

Hmmm...maybe if we recycle old caption entries for the new contest...

http://i42.tinypic.com/14l7ywm.jpg

"I love a captive audience!"
"That's right! I'm against gay marriage, and I'm against any efforts to move the capital of California to a city other than Los Angeles, and I'm against everything else! Wow, this bra is tight; I can hardly breathe!"
"It's a reality show about my fantasies!"

http://www.barrylutz.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/deerscientists.gif

"...gnnph, gnnph, gnnph, gnnph, gnnph..."

get that guy a website already

har har har har har

;)

OK back to serious entries.

Haw I had this same thread idea but didn't start it; I'm not so much into "serious" entries though.

As soon as I posted "back to serious entries" I felt like a giant tool, and then as I went back to throw a winky guy into the mix my internet connection died out.

So, belatedly,

;)

"What I don't understand is why they're speaking German."

"What troubles me is that they're speaking German."

"Apparently, they think we're some sort of gods."

Wow. That note about the "not the funniest one" was really OTM - I just looked at the previous 25 contests' top results :-/
(exception: the first two of this one were LOLworthy: http://contest.newyorker.com/CaptionContest.aspx?id=189 )

Christ, what an asshole.

"What arouses me is that they're speaking German."

Any more entries? I figure we'll collect them until Thursday night, and then have a quick 2 day poll on Friday and Saturday to select the winner, and then I'll submit it on the Sunday deadline.

http://i42.tinypic.com/14l7ywm.jpg

"If you didn't spend all your time watching mice, I wouldn't have to be fucking your wife."

"This seems to answer the nature vs. nurture question pretty decisively."

Wait wait
"If you didn't spend all your time here, Williams, I wouldn't have to be fucking your wife."

(Larry Flynt needs to start a caption contest.)

"Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

"They look more like her but they take after me."

^^^ grebt

would never win though

"I call the big one 'bitey'."

I entered the PETA one on my own, so you can leave that one out.

My wife did one for this one:
http://www.newyorker.com/images/2008/09/22/p323/080922_contest_p323.jpg

"Ok...I'll put down "Claws". And what you describe as your greatest weakness?"

"I'll wring your neck if one of these bastards publishes before I do"

^^^hahaha xp

lol!

xpost to "claws"

schwantzs wifes one is hilarious

"They look more like her but they take after me."

― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Wednesday, June 10, 2009 1:54 PM (46 minutes ago)

this is genius and will get my vote

^^^

also massive lolz at "claws"

(btw, I am very mad that "LET'S START IT OFF WITH A BRIEF REVIEW OF YOUR LOCAL MIDLIFE CRISIS. WE'LL THEN DISCUSS THE GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS." is too long to be a screen name)

(anyway back to the picture)

"Okay, NOW they're just mocking us."

"And the best part is, we pay them in cheese."

"this acid is strong"

^ works for 99% of all new yorker cartoons

"I'm not sure their hearts are really in this better-mousetrap project."

"I know they have a grant, but do we really need more ways to skin a cat?"

"I was expecting Soulja Boy to have a different effect on them."

I always wondered how many people entered. Sometimes the finalists are so weak I assumed like, 6 people entered. My god some of those submissions are not funny.

I mean the ones copied above, not the ones currently being submitted by ILXors. Those are all comedy gold.

I like fork's "I think it's meant to be the one on the right's retirement party."

"The one in glasses is not 'the cute one'."

"auto-tune is dead"

I wonder how many times we'll have to do this until we get an ILX winner?
My money is over five, under twenty.

We should enter as Isaac L. Xevious

"I see your mice have little clothes."

"These mice are different from the mice behind us; these mice have facial features."

"Are mice very much like people?"

"I am mildly disconcerted; apparently, I am carrying a water bottle."

ha!

mark you're right of course. i didn't mind that it's a takedown on technical/artistic merits rather than a journalistic expose (though that would have been great too) but yes i would have liked more explanation about what constitutes a bad "line" (for example). however i find it.. what.. salutary - in french i want to say "roboratif" - to be reminded of the essential frivolousness that lurks as girders beneath the new yorker's project

--and which, in so-called comedy particularly, masquerades as Great Truth

it's an unavoidable consequence of (non-ideological) structural pressures i think

i: mag come out weekly (4793 issues and counting)
ii: the cartoon sit within articles w/o being illustrations of them or in any way connected

over the long haul the selection effect is going to be away from the world-shattering undermining of all the readers' verities, bcz they need the reader to (a) carry on reading the article being interrupted by the cartoon and (b) buy the new yorker again next week (primarily for the articles)

also i like roz chast's drawing style that guy can fuck off

basically my theory is that the quiddities and agonies of the new yorker reader afre a direct consquence of

… AND MANIFESTATION OF week-on-week sub-editorial decisions under pressure abt the mag's page furniture

point off for like tired notch-notch, wink-wink routines

Everything is terrible but my cousin’s 9-year old daughter Alice has been quietly and masterfully slaying the @NewYorker’s caption contest and it’s pure delight. pic.twitter.com/Lhzmq7Pnsb

— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 4, 2018

if your picture is a subway sandwich replacing a subway train, there's not much work the caption needs to do.

Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

https://i.imgur.com/tIae9Vk.jpg?1

"i dont care what google maps says"

"Are you finished with that beer?"

"All I'm saying is if it's global warming why is my beer still cold?"

too good to win, per uszh

also right in the wheelhouse of our one-size-fits-all ringer: "This is normal."

Guest Comic By Steve Bannon Entitled 'The Rising Floodwaters Of Immigration'

the new one-size-fits-all is "I’ve thought this through and talked to colleagues — and I’ve re-considered"

http://i65.tinypic.com/aad8w3.jpg

"i continue to be unhappy regarding the state of the subway system"

"Did you know that there's a bear hidden in the Toblerone logo?"

"Let me know if you see anything that people believe doesn't exist. Like Donald Trump's sense of humility."

“Holy shit, do you see that?! It says ‘W A R P’ on the snow”

yes he slept over and no its not any of your business anymore

I've always thought of the SkiFree monster as a metaphor for the inevitability of death.

Press 'F' to pay respects go faster than the monster and escape.

Darraghmac ftw

Def

did anyone else here get a spam email from the "founder" of this contest - who has quit the new Yorker and set up his, er, own captioning contest? surely it's a massive breach of whatever privacy policy the NYer has for him to abscond with the mailing list for his own purposes!

christ, what an asshole

ha

"Asshole. You just HAD to tell him he was looking a little mangy..."

"Well you're an abominable HUSBAND."

"HE didn't have any problems asking directions."

Lol

Sigh. Another day, another Bigfoot sighting debunked.

i would've said hi but i don't know the yetiquette

"I thought we agreed, no politics!"