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Separately, I know women wearing headphones with no music in public is a thing to keep men from speaking to them.

― Yerac, 9. december 2018 14:09 (six hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Does this really work? I've tried several time where I've been dancing on my own in a corner at a subway station, and someone walks over to ask how to get to the airport.

Practice, practice, practice

xpost, i don't think it does really. I read a lot of posts on fb about men not being able to take a hint even when they have headphones on, are reading a book, are turning away, say outright "i'm busy."

We all should start wearing facemasks in public. The japanese have the right idea.

I read a lot of posts on fb about men not being able to take a hint

A hint only works with those who value courtesy and consideration highly enough to set aside their own desires as less important than those of the person doing the hinting.

there has been at least one viral article instructing men on how to approach women wearing headphones

aimless otfm, talking at someone (especially someone you don't know) who's wearing obvious headphones is either ignorant or powerfully selfish.

As someone who is constantly in an earbud cocoon I will add some controversy to this controversy by admitting that I am totally ok with someone asking me for directions however into a podcast I am, because I am not a fucking psychopath

I just wrote something along the lines of wins' remark, but was eaten by my browser. Giving assistance to those in need of it is courteous and asking for assistance is hardly "powerfully selfish". Considering those needing assistance to be a bother and nuisance to be rebuffed is more in the selfish mode.

Asking for directions is fine. Approaching someone obviously not paying attention and focused on something else is not, especially when there are multitudes of other people around.

I am also happy to help anyone who wants, and have never considered them a nuisance, but there was a time not *that* long ago when I felt very anxious about talking to people in public spaces, and used big headphones and the avoidance of eye contact as tools to allow me to go out of the house and into hostile environments like busy shops.

tbh i was thinking more of amex salespeople

if you need help i will drop everything, if you need to boost your commission i am not available

Yeah I was responding to a few ppl above who specifically mentioned being asked for directions, not to the general thrust of the conversation

ohh right

tbf I thought it was a fairly common occurrence that guys will approach women with an innocuous question like asking for directions and it turns a lot darker fairly quickly.

As someone who is constantly in an earbud cocoon I will add some controversy to this controversy by admitting that I am totally ok with someone asking me for directions however into a podcast I am, because I am not a fucking psychopath

― Pierrot with a thousand farces (wins), Sunday, December 9, 2018 2:24 PM (thirty-nine minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yes. I seem to have hit the sweet spot where most fellow city-dwellers tend to leave my bubble undisturbed while tourists and the directionally-challenged seem to have decided that I'm a more approachable variety of urban asshole. I don't mind the latter at all.

its like stuff is complex and varied and we all bring our own preconceptions to it and yet thats ok too most of the time!

Idk I just think nobody should approach strangers in public for anything where no bones are sticking out

I just totally made a game out of not looking directly at this dude on the plane who wanted to ask me for my pen to fill out a customs form. He was sitting across the aisle diagonal from me and kept looking over so I took extra long to read everything on the form and then pretended to not hear him when he asked (I had earbuds in and was watching a movie). But then 20 minutes later I went to use the bathroom AND HE ASKED ME WHEN I CAME BACK!

xp i agree with you when im commuting but at most other times im at least willing to consider being amused by em

xp yerac i mean..that seems kinda ok of him? idk.

last year some guy on a flight reeeeeeally wanted to talk to me, so much so that he kept tapping my arm while i was watching netflix and wearing noise cancelling headphones. and it was all just bullshit small talk. that’s where i draw a very thick line. i don’t pay five hundred bucks to be repeatedly hauled into conversation with some rando.

I had already flown 10 hours so I knew I was being an asshole but there was literally an entire international flight full of people to ask. And he wasn't even in my row where we had tray/drink passing camaraderie.

I was that guy.

xp see that is a crazy lack of boundaries.

im working with a guy like that at present, ive told him time and time again when the headphones are on its a bad time- no matter, he tugs at me like a toddler until he gets his attention. sicilian fwiw (its his excuse when i berate him)

me too, in fact i came damned close to losing my shit at our particular guy who did this

also, i think i’ve mentioned this elsewhere, but when you step aside to check your phone at a family gathering because you really need just a few seconds of personal space, and a passive-aggressive family member insta-hassles you because they don’t like that you’re using your phone

people checking their phones in movie theaters after the house lights are dimmed should absolutely be acosted viciously

yep

I feel like I mentioned this elsewhere, but if the offending party has the misfortune of being directly in front of me, my preferred method of pass-agg retribution is to put my feet against the back of their seat and slooooooooooowly continue pushing forward until they get the message.

It's an absolute wonder I've never gotten the living shit kicked out of me, I guess.

I've done the same thing!

I recently realized I always hated going to movies and am pretty content to not go again

I get way too uptight about the irritating things people around me are doing, and can't enjoy the movie.

yeah same

ums could you elaborate on your antipathy for going to the movies?

basically what jmm said, people are disgusting savages, i get so irritated it takes me out of the experience

also the advent of flat screen TVs it's not like there's a big difference between the home and theater experience

i took my daughter to a showing of Home Alone at a theater on Saturday so I'll go, and we went to Incredibles 2...I find kid's movies less irritating because it's the whole thing of kids saying stuff and asking questions and it's just part of it

I think two hours of urban train commuting every day has perhaps facilitated my ability to hone in on a single point of focus (reading, writing, watching a movie) without being overly-concerned with the savage behavior taking place all around me. Aside from phone use in a darkened theater, obvs, which is just a capital offense.

xp

I'm the same tbh, I haven't been to a proper mainstream cinema for years. mind you that's also because almost all movies are shit and I have no interest in watching them anyway

yeah also there's not that many movies i'm super interested in seeing in the theater

i went to Nico 1988 but that was sort of spur of the moment thing

I used to try to make sure I saw "good in the theater"/big spectacle movies in the theater, but that usually led to walking out 2.5 hrs later feeling like I had a concussion. Now I see quieter movies out and like it a lot more, while also finding I can get into Marvel-type stuff better at home.

theater makes all good movies better unless someone is talking a few seats away in which case it's just murder. all the usual reasons of the picture and sound being bigger, and the temptation to get up and check your phone removed, are key. with comedies in particular the difference is so dramatic that watching them at home, unless in a group of three or more people, is almost pointless. the laughter that happens only in groups is a powerful and, to me, mysterious and magical thing.

theater makes all good movies better

that's the problem though isn't it? pretty much no movies are good

so many movies are good. but i am spoiled by NYC and the access to quality first-run stuff as well as endless, endless repertory. it's gotten where for most old, good movies i'm sorta like "ehh, why watch that on the 32" screen, eventually I'll get the chance to see it big..."

I certainly can't recall ever having seen a good movie, no. But I live in hope.

Don't say that! What about The Greatest Film of the Early '90s (1990-1995)?

Oh ya, I forgot about those ones.

theater makes all good movies better unless someone is talking a few seats away in which case it's just murder. all the usual reasons of the picture and sound being bigger, and the temptation to get up and check your phone removed, are key. with comedies in particular the difference is so dramatic that watching them at home, unless in a group of three or more people, is almost pointless. the laughter that happens only in groups is a powerful and, to me, mysterious and magical thing.

otm

also the advent of flat screen TVs it's not like there's a big difference between the home and theater experience

oh my god !