what was the best time in your life

It wasn’t that good but I felt popular and was in the midst of a new relationship

On a strictly personal level, it's definitely "now". Which of course leads to a certain amount of cognitive dissonance.

Answering the other questions would require me telling you my life story, which I don't feel like boring you with right now.

But a lot of it is that for the first time in my personal life I feel like I have the power to make meaningful choices.

Other highlight could have been grad school, 2014-2015. It was an ed program and I was student teaching (advanced high school students) and had amazing students who seemed excited to learn about criticism, basic critical theory and other things I included in the program that they hadn’t been exposed to before. When i took an actual teaching job it wasn’t like that at all and I wasn’t strong enough to keep my mental heath together. I avoided teaching after this because I felt like a true teacher would have persevered and made it work with difficult and unmotivated students—Inwas just kind of a dilettante. But I liked teaching this class so much that I didn’t even get bothered by other bad things happening in my life—mouse-infested apartment, on again off again thing with someone who would never feel the same way about me, etc.

Basic trend is that I am happy when I feel like I am liked and useful and extremely unhappy when I feel sort of invisible/pointless.

*this class, obviously=the advanced class I student taught.

summer 2015 is up there

I have no idea to be perfectly honest. I almost never think about the past, for better or worse.

had fallen in love with someone who was in love with me which is like the only time that's happened so far; it was a ldr so i spent basically every other weekend in boston which kinda ruled bc my best friend also lives there (hi maura) and was writing what i was beginning to think was my best work yet (not really true but there are a few pieces i wrote that year i still love). and emotion by carly rae jepsen came out

xp

Initially read that & was like “it was a Lana del Rey?”

probably fall 2006. i had just moved to l.a. and started grad school. my first big city. i had a bunch of student loan money. i had lost a lot of weight. going out to all the restaurants and all the gay bars like 💃

Initially read that & was like “it was a Lana del Rey?”

― coetzee.cx (wins), Saturday, September 22, 2018 7:24 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lmao

xp the excess caught up with me in more ways than one tho

2015 was certainly the most optimistic I've ever felt in my life: finished my MA, got married, moved away to start my PhD, bought a house with my husband. There have been some significant low points since (mostly involving my father's still-declining heath) but just on a personal level, the last few years have left me feeling more content/confident about the direction that my life is taking than I've ever experienced before.

Now is great.

My mind is completely blank on this...I’m wondering if I have a very flat emotional life with very few highs.

I can only distinguish between lows and non-lows. Highs last mere hours.

Sadly otm.

The six months when I first connected with the woman I married. Then, after a period of struggle and adjustment in our relationship that took a couple of years, the first year of our marriage.

The minute right after this one

dunno about best time in my life ever but I'm a bit pissed and I just won eighty quid on a scratchcard so it's certainly looking up

When someone put one of my posts in the excelsior thread