Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post - put them here

but why can't those people control themselves?

I'm not sure who is supposed to provide the answer to this, or how.

xp

you need to read up on internal vs external locus of control

you sound like my middle school students - he HIT ME, therefore I HAD TO hit him back

nope

except for the fact that I'm not being hostile to anyone?

"haha, what a classic pisces" (just an analogy of something with a similar level of venom, please don't make this about how astrology is fake)

the expectation that anyone here might do this is emblematic of your problem imo. we really aren't here to victimise you

(and if I am, I apologize, I am trying very hard to word my posts in a way that won't be construed accidentally as hostile or like I am calling someone a bad person. it's not comparable to hitting someone.)

perhaps people feel that there is a strong element of passive-aggression in your attempts to demand control of everybody else's behaviour to a completely unreasonable degree across the entire website whenever you start to behave like this katherine.

i dont speak for anyone else, and we have not to my recollection had a run-in, so there is no rancour in my suggesting this- it is just what it seems like to me.

the expectation that anyone here might do this is emblematic of your problem imo. we really aren't here to victimise you

― imago, Thursday, September 20, 2018 8:18 PM (five seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

considering that the original thread was derailed for some time as to whether "shouting" or "condescending" or something else was the correct colloquial verb, I thought it necessary just to cover all of my bases

dmac otm

you are being incredibly passive-aggressive

perhaps people feel that there is a strong element of passive-aggression in your attempts to demand control of everybody else's behaviour to a completely unreasonable degree across the entire website

I don't understand why it's "unreasonable" to prefer people not call others "fucking insane" or things like that. I think it is a generally agreed upon expectation of decent behavior in general. and if you disagree try telling your coworker that tomorrow, or somebody on the street, and when consequences happen argue that they just need to learn to control their reaction to banter.

chin up, nobody is being "hostile" to you, at least not by the standards of ILX

I think it is a generally agreed upon expectation of decent behavior in general

it's not though, it's really not

perhaps you're just not tall enough for this ride?

but... it is! would you tell that to your coworkers? would you stop someone on the street and tell them that? would you choose an email out of a hat and email it to that person?

Replace "whether one says something" with "whether someone else says something". Does your posit still sound valid to you? I don't know how many times I can say the fact (and it is a fact) that it is much easier to control your reaction to others' behavior than it is to control others' behavior.

that's the equivalent of saying "sure, it's easier to control your reaction to being shot with an AK-47 to whether you are shot with an AK-47" but it seems like the burden is more on the person shooting the gun

“right, but even among non-friends there is a general expectation of civility” - sure but that isn’t true of the internet

(not to literally compare this to that, it was just the first analogy that came to mind, replace "being pelted with Nickelodeon slime" or something if you want)

Paul McCartney has a tiny dick

“right, but even among non-friends there is a general expectation of civility” - sure but that isn’t true of the internet

yes, and there is approximately a Library of Congress's worth of books, articles, studies, etc. -- all of which are generally agreed upon, to the point of being commonly accepted knowledge -- that this is a problem with the Internet and it would be better if there were, in fact, that expectation

Now replace "prefer others not to" with "expect or demand others not to"

Shit rong thrread

nickelodeon is for idiots

;)

I think it's entirely reasonable to expect or demand that people not be outright hostile. It's an expectation I hold myself to as well.

you should probably quit ILX

X-post - I wish it were too but the reality is that it’s not so you have to learn how to cope with that.

I think the internet and its unfortunately lower current standards of civility is one bell that can’t be unrung so to speak.

Paul McCartney has a tiny dick

If only Turrican was still here to debate this.

you should probably quit ILX

― the late great, Thursday, September 20, 2018 8:25 PM (twenty-seven seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

again, why is the burden on me to leave a community where I enjoy discussing music and other topics, when I haven't done anything to be hostile to others (and if I have here, I apologize, it wasn't intentional, and I will try my hardest not to do it again)

because you're the one not enjoying it?

tlg walking that fine fine line between hardass realtalk and being a total jerk tbf

but there is a very simple way to make it enjoyable and that is not to post things with that level of outright hostility

Look I'm very sorry I said you're fucking insane. You are exasperating though, and I have called loved ones "crazy" "nuts" etc when in argument. Or when not in an argument! It's not meant literally. However if I'm being honest you do seem to be hypersensitive to an unhealthy degree.

like, even if we're talking "internet culture" or whatever, one of the most broadly accepted/memetic/whatever conceptualizations/"rules" if you want to call it that for internet etiquette is "don't be a dick." not "don't get upset if someone is a dick to you." it's "don't be a dick."

but there is a very simple way to make it enjoyable and that is not to post things with that level of outright hostility

so ... the simple thing is that everyone change what they're doing to accommodate you?

not just to accommodate me, but to accommodate everybody else in general, most of whom I assume don't want to be on the receiving end of hostility

i think everyone is fine, tbh

Katherine I hope it was clear that I meant that I also wish ppl were civil online as well as irl but it’s just not the case. I’ve cried many times over dickish things people have said
to me here but eventually I just stopped caring and realized none of it really matters and ppl who are dicks online are probably spineless loser shitheads irl so fuck them.

You never apologized for saying you were shouted at when that never happened. Maybe cause you're focused on how badly you're mistreated.

eventually I just stopped caring and realized none of it really matters and ppl who are dicks online are probably spineless loser shitheads irl so fuck them.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, September 20, 2018 8:29 PM (eleven seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I mean, I can't just assume that. like I've said before, I know a great deal of people here in real life, in some cases work with them, in some cases am literally in the same room as them for extended periods of time

'everyone' isn't calling her insane and telling her to quit

imago you should apologize to tlg for that comment imo. he is being completely fair and frank in as far as i can tell a v genuine attempt to help here.

granny d also

You never apologized for saying you were shouted at when that never happened. Maybe cause you're focused on how badly you're mistreated.

― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Thursday, September 20, 2018 8:30 PM (twenty seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

in that case I apologize, but I did perceive it as being "shouted," both because of the perceived tone, and because it was one of a cluster of posts on this same subject, and one in a pattern of similar posts on the same subject, all of which essentially told people they were analogous to "terrorist fist jab"/QAnon conspiracyc theorists during each successive instance of federal government officials doing nazi dog-whistling

Ok admittedly I do inderstand how that adds extra layers if someone was truly unreasonably mean. It’s definitely a tricky situation. Other than try not to care as much and hopefully people will also start being nicer there isn’t really a good answer. :/

like, even if we're talking "internet culture" or whatever, one of the most broadly accepted/memetic/whatever conceptualizations/"rules" if you want to call it that for internet etiquette is "don't be a dick." not "don't get upset if someone is a dick to you." it's "don't be a dick."

This is what I was talking about with "life is unfair" comment which I felt DC misinterpreted.

A reverse taco

(but that said, on the hostility scale where 0 is neutral and 10 is graphic death threats, saying someone is "shouting at" someone is a 1, at best, whereas the posts I had mentioned are more like... 3-5 range.)

I think the trickiest part is that people really do have wildly different ideas of what being mean is and that’s ESPECIALLY true online.

...is a terrible idea

If someone says something you don't like on ILX, you have the option of flagging their post or addressing the problem directly with the poster in question. If you feel that someone is being abusive, you have the option of alerting a mod to the behavior in question. Beyond that, you have no real recourse for controlling another poster's posts. As is true in the wider world, we may wish for others to be more civil or more polite or kinder but we have no control over that. We have control only over our own actions, our own words. We can choose to grouse or to retaliate or to 'be the change' or to disengage entirely. The choice is up to each of us, and no other poster can control our posts beyond the methods outlined above. It's a pretty decent system, all told. Maybe not everything you might wish for, but it's about as good as it gets in this life, and especially on the internet.

Sorry, sorry: namaste.

I know that's how you perceived it. Which is why I feel comfortable saying you are hypersensitive.