Friend Infected With Right Wing Brain Worms - What to Do?

Faux-naif isn't quite the right term, the beatles example becomes one because they were a giant thing, and its not so much about the viewpoint as the subject matter. At the end of the day I don't want to talk about burkas or John McCain with my cousin, or with anyone else - and find my anxiety levels in such interactions are directly related to how much of the speaking I am doing.

I always find it quite liberating when ppl abandon the basic good faith of proper conversation, you can really let rip

there's a lot of wisdom in this!

I don't "debate" (ugh) people unless there's a good faith assurance on both sides that we are open to changing our minds. This is almost never the case so I almost never engage in political discussions with conservatives.

But, as a hunch, I'd be tempted to say that you're always better off arguing over first-principles rather than "facts."

Tucker Stone had a strong editorial on ComicsGate the other day:

Elsewhere, the developments in the ongoing social media annoyance/terrorism campaign grouped under the term #comicsgate continues to showcase more of what seems like a near infinite supply of the same brand of knuckle-dragging stupidity that goes along with any campaign whose only real message is one of whining complaint. Be it a harassment campaign circling around Darwyn Cooke's widow, multiple con-artist-led crowdfunding campaigns for comics no one will ever enjoy, an endless cycle of arguments that demand one immerse themselves in never-ending strings of social media updates, unreadable blog posts & supremely boring youtube videos involving people who are indistinguishable from an eye-rolling 9-year-old simply so you can understand what in the fuck they're all talking about and, most recently, a guy sending a picture of his asshole to another guy he dislikes online.

...there isn't much to say about the people involved in this particular subset of "the culture". Like the gamergaters that seem to have served as their inspiration, comicsgate is the last cry of a dying breed. They've already been replaced by the millions--not hundreds of thousands, millions--of children who have been reared on Raina, Yang & Kibuishi, by the tweens and teens who bleed Viz. They're going to be offensive, hateful, and annoying while they sink, but even the most lazy of searches of their hashtags sees each of their attempts at insurrection drowned out by a chorus of people who, while they occasionally seem to only marginally care about comics and art, at least recognize that racism and homophobia behaviors to be shamed. This has been coming for a while, this reckoning--and it will probably be a little bit louder, and a lot bit stupider, while people like Ethan Van Sciver and Richard Meyer bleed it for whatever money it has left.

For what it's worth? More power to them. The sooner those guys burn out the financial core of this dipshit movement, the better. None of this has resulted in better comics, better writing about comics, or any good jokes. It's just eaten up lives, time and talent that could've been spent doing absolutely anything else, while ensuring that a large portion of interesting people spent way too much time online being batted around by a firehose of annoyance. And no, just to be clear, I don't mean the recent string of second-tier superhero freelancers, end-of-career bloggers and Image pitchmen who have made copy and pasting empty platitudes their latest attempt to brand themselves in a more appealing fashion so they won't be swept out of the door with the creeps when all those aforementioned millions who are growing up on comics, manga & middle-grade fiction that actually treats them like human beings with lives of value start deciding what the next wave of art is supposed to look like. The interesting people are the critics who didn't try, the artists who walked away, and the collaborations between groups that couldn't happen because of the constant poisoning of the well that comes from being a part of an industry that waits until the last minute, every fucking time, to get off its ass and make a moral choice to tell these losers to go a long time ago.

On one level I feel bad for my friend because this bubble of support is eventually gonna dissipate and he’s going to be left out in the cold with his participation in this bullshit tainting him forever.

Don't feel bad for him. This is the ideology he supposedly subscribes to, to the detriment of others. Meritocracy, free market, alpha white maleness, right? I don't get hanging on to people who are just lost by choice. If he was an addict or had recognized health issues, I could see putting in effort. Being around to hear or debate this bullshit is enabling. Say your thing and get out.

xxp good piece. too bad he has a name that suggests he'd be some kind of Fox News talking head

OMG, Kyle Baker is amazing.

So excited to be part of the new #comicsgate line of books. pic.twitter.com/o4Z1gxfHtw

— Quality Jollity (@KyleJBaker) September 4, 2018

going back and forth on whether I should add my right-wing trump loving family back on FB and then just refute every single idiotic meme they post with actual facts or whether that is not worth my time.

Don’t

it is not worth your time

thanks, that's what I was thinking. the majority of them have moved well beyond rationality into unhinged territory; also, I never have to actually be around them so it shouldn't matter to me as much as it does.

yeah, you have no real obligation to offer the milk of human kindness to cousins you don't ever see imho

involving yourself emotionally to the point of wanting to refute idiotic memes in this construction being a form of kindness.

Do not try to argue rationally with people who insist upon irrationality. It is a losing battle. I think shunning might be the best/only option at this point.

FB is a uniquely terrible platform for political convos, much less for trying to directly change someone’s mind

FB, twitter, instagram...that's where the idiot trolls are kings and you will never win.

all too true

why do people still use fb

Cousin-related guilt I assume

FB is a uniquely terrible platform

I've had zero second thoughts about hiding friends or family members who post obnoxious political stuff. I don't need to take up any extra space in my head contemplating their awful POVs.

fb grand except for ppl who think its for learning/instruction which is a terrible terrible terrible concept to have about fb or anything else rly

Dmac TT is mostly OTM, aside than the fact that ultimately this was what finally forced Jol out

Refuting anything said just reinforces the point. What greater seal of approval can there be than have one of the enemy turn up and refute it for you? Any kind of learning/instruction has to have their guard down and wanting to listen (and yours too). This does happen! it can even (possibly) happen on fb.

With my hardcore RW cousin, I never refute anything, I may ask questions but I never offer my own opinion unless asked. If asked a leading question I say "no idea, never heard of it". If asked an open honest question I give an open honest answer. This very rarely happens

One thing that has happened with my cousin is, deep levels of misreading - the sense that there is another conversation underneath the actual conversation that is taking place. I don't even think its wilful, and I aim for clarity in saying anything - but even in the simplest of exchanges something is misunderstood somewhere. And this extends well outside of anything political. e.g something as simple as "Will you get the train when you go?", leads to something like "what makes you think I'm going tomorrow?". And i'm flummoxed, how did "tomorrow" get in there? It feels like there are lots of unsaid levels to a conversation, its just more obvious in political stuff but happens outside of it too

all agreed, anvil in on a four year contract pls

I think whats happening is there is this "idea", but then only a part of it is communicated, and thats what I then respond to, but there's more to it than what I'm responding to so miscommunication is there right at the very beginning.

I also notice a deep reluctance to writing anything down, like in making a decision about something I suggest well ok write down the pros and cons and lets see what we've got. He is very reluctant to do anything like this, and the decision ends up being made more on a kind of instinct, and only at that point will the reasons come out - like after the fact. The answer must come first, and only then do the questions get a look in. Which leads to a strange sense of outcome being pre-ordained, almost as though questioning or analyzing the options is somehow upsetting the natural order. Thats why i think 'refuting with facts' is kind of a mugs game - at least with my cousin. actual 'politics' is tangential, its much deeper than that

The only time I stage an intervention on a right-wing post is when it’s made by my sister, where I respond in a way that’s guaranteed to have her remove said post.

I am a little surprised at the idea that Facebook is a terrible platform for politics - I've seen people have good nuanced conversations on it, usually in the context that they are both on a mutual friend's post. I literally can't imagine that happening on Twitter or - or on Instagram? on Bebo? on Ello? on Youtube comments?

haha dmac trenchant posts turning fatalistic in the last four words vmic

Yeah, I don't think Facebook is bad for political discussions except for the factors that make political discussions online bad in general.

it's not innately bad for political discussions, it's just way too easy to make terrible lies and malice proliferate. takes no thought or time to see something offensive and immediately, blindly forward it and connect it to dozens of more people. With no real repercussions. and Facebook in particular, it is not in the company's financial interests to limit this activity. though maybe things will change. Maybe Facebook tightening and better enforcing restrictions will be the equivalent of Amazon raising the minimum wage to $15.

But again what are you comparing it to? It’s 10 times better than Twitter on all those counts, and everything else is only better because it’s smaller.

I don't know, compared to actually having a conversation with someone? Because yeah, it's an innate problem with social media of all sorts.

It's just all so passive and mindless. Just wait till every American with a phone gets the not optional stupid ass emergency notice from the White House today. That's going to be the way of the future.

https://longreads.com/2018/09/18/no-i-will-not-debate-you/

i don't think that facebook is uniquely bad as an internet discussion platform, and indeed it has some advantages other platforms don't, but its size, and the fact that consequently all the worst people use it, works to its disadvantage. i find there's a sort of gresham's law of internet discourse - bad speech drives out good.

the other problem with internet discourse, and it's been this way since the days of usenet at least, is that it discourages listening and encourages soapboxing. why have a back-and-forth with another person when you can instead play to the gallery? in this way the internet is frequently an asymmetrical form of communciation masquerading as a symmetrical form.

I still think the observation Louis CK (sorry) made is pretty apt. It's just so easy to say something mean and hurtful online, and not only will you not see the reaction of the person you're hurting, what you posted will just stay up there forever, for them and others to see and think about. So what took me a split second to do has a much bigger and longer impact.

There was someone else recently who made the prediction re: social media and cell phones that in the not too distant future we will look back on this era like we look back on everyone smoking or kids eating nothing but processed junk food. Like, "what were we thinking?!"

I still think the observation Louis CK (sorry) made is pretty apt. It's just so easy to say something mean and hurtful online, and not only will you not see the reaction of the person you're hurting, what you posted will just stay up there forever, for them and others to see and think about. So what took me a split second to do has a much bigger and longer impact.

― Josh in Chicago

that may be theoretically true, but in practice we're very good at forgetting the past. yeah i said some fucking awful stuff on usenet 25 years ago, but unless i run for public office, who gives a shit?

for me the problem is that negative feedback registers more powerfully than positive feedback, combined with the natural tendency on the internet to exaggerate for effect. if someone tells me i am the greatest person of all time, i shrug, say "thanks", feel good for a second, and move on with my life. on the other hand if someone talks shit about me, it stays with me for a while longer. maybe other people have different experiences, i certainly wouldn't want generalize that experience, but at the same time i don't feel like i'm wholly alone in reacting in such a fashion.

That is absolutely true. The internet magnifies everything negative and minimizes everything positive. I am no scientist, but that must have something to do with how our brains work. Reading something complimentary online, we just assume no thought was put into it, because no thought is needed. The same is true for something negative, but we dwell on it much more. Or at least some of us do.

fb grand except for ppl who think its for learning/instruction which is a terrible terrible terrible concept to have about fb or anything else rly actively undermining the functioning of global democracy and selling all of your personal info to deodorant companies and Steve Bannon

fb is a piece of crap for baby boomers and lames

(i deactivate it but keep fb messenger in case any person on there that i don't see much needs to get a hold of me)

Most of my family has had right-wing brain worms since forever, but, I mean, how do you even conceive of dealing with this level of crazy? (This is my mother-in-law.)

That's it, I'm done.. I know what I believe about Kavanaugh and I know I will never be able to convince any Democrat anything different than what they believe, because they will never change my mind... It's just a shame that the Democrats have been acting so mean and nasty about all of this and the way they have been treating us Republicans is a SHAME... I never thought they would ever be this mean to us... We are suppose to be a United country, I guess the Democrats don't believe that... The Democrats have become the party of Bullies. so sad.... and by the way, our country is a Republic, not a democracy... I cringe every time any person in our government calls us a democracy.... The end...

the whole "republic, not a democracy" thing is the dumbest shit ever

Yeah, well North Korea's full name is the Democratic People's Republic of Korea whereas South Korea is just the Republic of Korea. Checkmate, libtards.

have her explain the differences between a republic vs democracy. be prepared to cringe.

Well, a republic is ruled by Republicans, see . . .

Rush and josh speak wisely. There is a whole thing (some) people do where it's tough for us to accept that there is a negative view of ourselves out there anywhere. And if anyone anywhere thinks ill of us, we need to confront and combat that perception. Even if (perhaps especially if) it's futile and the healthier thing would be to make like Elsa and let it go.

It happens here on ilx. It happens in my work life. It happens in my personal relationships, including my marriage.

ow do you even conceive of dealing with this level of crazy? (This is my mother-in-law.)

When she said this, who is she saying it to? if thats a fb post or something then its just an expression, there's nothing to respond to. Its a closer not an opener. Responding to closers is never a good idea. IF I were ever to respond, which I wouldn't, I'd try move away from the conceptual to the tangible, pick one small bit and respond to that, eg "I'd be ok with Kavanaugh, its just the perjury thing, I'm still having some trouble with it, perjury is a bit of an issue for me". In the unlikely event that I'd engage with this, that is as far as I could ever imagine going

have her explain the differences between a republic vs democracy. be prepared to cringe.

I really try and steer clear of ANY talk on a conceptual level, particularly with my cousin - almost certainly not talking about the same things even if using the same word.

And if anyone anywhere thinks ill of us, we need to confront and combat that perception.

Letting go of this is key. The first thing I think is, well, does this particular persons perception matter? Most likely its a no (it might even be that the person matters but their perception doesn't). If the answer is yes it does matter, confront and combat are still the wrong tools. If their perception matters, it might well be that they have a point, and I need to find out what that is

I liked the girl in the Sailor Moon outfit when she got ambushed by Infowars (at a Bernie event possibly?), and the interviewer bombarded her with "Socialism! Venezuela! eating Rats! Socialism!" in that really weird way of talking very fast at someone. And she replied "I just want free healthcare, honey"

"But I just told you they'r eating rats!"

Letting go of this is key. The first thing I think is, well, does this particular persons perception matter? Most likely its a no (it might even be that the person matters but their perception doesn't). If the answer is yes it does matter, confront and combat are still the wrong tools. If their perception matters, it might well be that they have a point, and I need to find out what that is

― anvil

This is the really tricky bit. If someone's perception matters to me, it's either because I love them, or because they have power over me (or both). Trump supporters are so extreme that the number of possible responses to them are limited. There's confrontation, capitulation, and avoidance.

I've chosen avoidance, and avoidance in a fairly extreme form. In the case of people I loved, I've concluded that someone's support of Trump necessarily changes them to the point where it is impossible for them to truly recognize and respect me as a human being, and that therefore the preconditions for a loving relationship are impossible, and so I've withdrawn strongly from them.

In the second case, I've taken active steps to remove myself from situations where Trump supporters have power over me. This is the difficult part because these steps aren't available to all people. It's extremely challenging when people who have power over you either implicitly or explicitly hate you and want to hurt you. If flight isn't an option, I guess that just leaves fight.