Ask Yerac

Thanks for the reply. Here's the Nicholson Baker quote:

"There is no good word for stomach; just as there is no good word for girlfriend. Stomach is to girlfriend as belly is to lover, and as abdomen is to consort, and as middle is to petite amie.”

― The Mezzanine

the bit about the wedding/jacket is lol

Yeah yerac is funny as fuck

Thx dude(s). I wish we had a better word for partner. We were having dinner with an older prof once and he was saying his Significant Other was meeting us late. But he said his "S.O." (pronounced es-soh). I thought he was using spanish slang like "ese" (pronounced es-say). I would temporarily post a pic of the wedding jacket, but I don't think I have used a temporary hosting site in a decade.

angelfire is good

I just wiki'd Nicholson Baker. I should read him.

He's great. I read The Anthologist most recently and loved it. I knew someone who called her bf her "feller" and thought that was cute.

The Anthologist is great although maybe not the best starting point. It may be better to accustom yourself to his approach and concerns by reading an early one.

My first was Vox, I think. Worked for me. A friend of mine hated it but I think he was just squeamish about sex.

Someone recently introduced their companion to me as "my person"--I appreciated this choice a lot. Idk how they each identify but imo they're both gender-nonconforming women-presenting ppl, and I just liked the avoidance of definition and also the expansiveness of it.

What do you call your compression principale (main squeeze)? And you know me, I've always been a weirdo about F.

I call C my boyfriend, but when I lived with someone I used to use "partner." Bf is unsatisfactory but there aren't really models for different kinds of partnerships. I don't want to get married, and I probably won't want to live together, but I might have to do the first so he can have health insurance for the first time in his life, and it might eventually make more financial sense to do the second. But also without marriage or cohabitation in the picture, everyone assumes you aren't long-term or you're not serious, ie you aren't taken seriously has having a place in each other's lives.

Was at a family wedding last week and I was excluded from family pics of bride & groom & only married family & offspring--"significant others" weren't considered part of the family. I was mostly ok w it but poor C kept saying, "WAIT YOU FORGOT [IN ORBIT]" loudly and embarrassingly.

we used to get that then we got married and then they found out how we married and we were relegated straight back to "you are not srs about it"

It's also come up a lot lately bc he bought a house outside the city and everyone assumes that means something for our relationship, that either we'll break up or I'll move there, or that because I'm *not* moving there, that we're not serious. I mean not ppl who know me, but, like, realtors and plumbers and idk just ppl. Actually even a lot of friends asked me, "Are you okay with that?" which I appreciate that they were checking on me, but also his choice of residence has nothing to do with me. (Also I like spending time apart--I admit it would be different if we were like "date night every Thursday!" kind of ppl).

xp lol yeah u can't win

Also true that Yerac is a total weirdo about her relationship, which I extra-appreciate because it creates more space to be a weirdo, and as it turns out I'm one too.

I'm not opposed to "gentleman caller"--it's gender-reductive but I like the "just visiting" aspect of our partnership, that we have our own spaces.

Yes, you are now sounding like the exact kind of weirdo I was/am, especially with the not needing to live together, to be in each other's asses all the time, or needing to define it. "BF" is totally unsatisfactory. "Husband" has too much baggage. That sucks about the pics, except that I think the wedding pic ritual is weird anyway. Especially with digital photography there was no reason for them to not take a pics with you in the moment.

Oh they took some shots with and some without. It was fine. It just made me pause.

My friends introduce partners just by their first name

That seems very reasonable in an environment where ppl are attuned to that level of subtlety but honestly in most social situations someone is gonna be like, "And is this your BOYFRIEND? Or husband? Or...?" At the scooter shop where we buy parts, they refer to us as "the girl mechanic and her husband."

Hey girl mechanic, did you find your scooter keys?

Wedding jacket. These pics should expire in a day.
https://24h.rip/SmubS30
https://24h.rip/SmpiS30

MF'er.

dmac did u elope?

....not far off it?

her folks knew a fortnight before my dad knew a few weeks before we had two witnesses and nobody else knew until we were married and at the airport

highly recommend bte

https://s8.postimg.cc/xbtxft7ud/IMG_0944.jpg
https://s8.postimg.cc/q8m20bcqd/Carey_Franz22.jpg

banging wedding outfit!

So awesome. :)

thx (sorry that it's a leather jacket, my only one ever, I could not resist the collar and pretend aviator).

so good with that amazing dress!

I have a friend who I'm not even sure their families know they're married. they did it for visa reasons before moving to the u.s. although they're back in Europe now.

That jacket is cool. Would upend life for.

The Mezzanine is the best Baker intro imo. It's not penis-centric, and if you can stand the level of detail in it you will be willing to follow him elsewhere.

I 100% regret that we didn’t elope. Our wedding was v v small but kind of lame tbh. I hadn’t really thought about my own wedding much in my life, which I regret, bc I would’ve realized not-eloping was really not my style. Total waste of money too. My husband feels bad about it by I’m like *shrugs* who cares? Our wedding was dumb but our marriage is awesome.

In New Zealand most ppl use the term partner if it’s serious/long term. Boyfriend has always been a word I find embarrassing to use.

And it’s really fucking weird to me that anyone would voice comments or concerns about your relationship status unless they’re super close to you and something is actually off - who does that?? What business is it of anyone else??

The jacket is so much better in person too. I stalked it for months (balenciaga *shhh*) and it finally went on sale and I said "I GUESS WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED, I JUST BOUGHT THAT JACKET."

I told my parents we were getting married 2 months beforehand, called them from the airport right before I boarded an international flight so they couldn't call me for a couple of week to try to guilt me into having a wedding. I invited 2 friends and my partner invited his dad and brother to city hall. We got done early so had two lunches after. The next night we had a small dinner for 14 people (to include my parents, I wish I still had the bill, I think we went through ~30 bottles of wine) and then did karaoke all night in a koreatown room after.

xpost, I think people are just terrible at small talk which is why we get the canned responses about marriage or kids or member berries.

Apparently the photos expired already bc I can't see them!

I don't mind ppl asking about relationships--for one thing a lot of us are navigating a new world without role models for our choices and it really helps to know that you're not alone, and see others doing things their way too. It depends on who's asking, and how they're asking imo. I don't NOT want to talk about it, I just want to get positive, helpful responses and not idk be treated like I'm a freak from Mars for not wanting 200 people at my non-existent wedding.

I can still see them but maybe it's my cache? Weddings and marriage are just (to me) super bizarre things for people to obsess over. I don't get it, but if it's someone's thing, that's fine. At a certain point when people try to convince me of things like having kids or having a wedding I am glad that I can fall back on being too old to care.

I've never been one for having goals that have very structured requirements (gotta get married AND it involves a big wedding AND you have to do this set of things) so this all makes perfect sense to me

if it works and you want to do it, go for it, I say

great wedding jacket

aw just1ne. Were your family there and would you have gotten a load of shit from them if you eloped?

I got married young and had a traditional church wedding which at the time thought was hilarious, getting to role play doing this normie conventional thing when we felt anything but. it was really fun and I had no expectations or knowledge of what you are 'supposed' to do at weddings; there was no Pinterest or anxiety about which table decorations represented our true selves or whatever. anyway now I've got a mortgage and kids and feel conventional as anything so maybe some memories of an out-there wedding on a Japanese mountain or something would be a good story but nm.

That jacket's great and you look happy as hell, which is the whole point. My wife and I got married on 10 days' notice, because that's how long the paperwork took to process. The ceremony was performed by the mayor of a town neither of us lived in then or now. Her parents, my dad and his wife, my brother, and two friends of ours were there. It's lasted 25 years so far.

Xp only my parents came, and then it was just my husbands family. It was in Chicago at his parents house but it was just weird and uncomfortable- I really didn’t like being at the center of attention like that. We actually got legally married at the courthouse a year before, with just his brother as our witness, and that was way better. I just regret bothering with a stupid ceremony in front of a bunch of extended family who I didn’t even know.

Someone kept telling me that weddings are for the family. I mean, I guess? The above doesn't sound too bad. I didn't invite my brothers and got some shit about it from my parents, but it really was because the room in the restaurant I chose could only hold so many and my brothers have wives and kids and are in a different state and it was too many logistics. I didn't invite my parents to city hall because it took maybe 5 minutes and again, logistics of getting everyone up in the morning to get there early, and my parents only stress me out. If I did it again, I would've maybe have taken more pics (only had friends' iphone shots) and maybe would not have drank so much that weekend.

we put our wedding outfits on the week before and got a guy i know to take a load of pictures down in the park.

very relaxing altogether.

again, this seems to have been considered cheating by the offended parties.

that IS cheating! If the photos aren't at the actual wedding they won't capture the traditional glimpse of wild-eyed horror

in that case it was the occasion of telling her father that we needed the camera at

We have an ill-advised pic of us in front of the NYC Corrections bus. Ill-advised meaning I wanted to take it.

yerac, you seem very cool. what were your formative influences?

the Boxcar Children, Nancy Drew, DUMPLINGS!, lasagna, Grease 2, To Sir with Love, Peter Buck, Ronnie Spector... i think I've worked every job ever.

Yerac: What was the highlight of your last few months (assuming your long stay has ended)?

xpost Oh, I just read the article. I actually did fracture/crack my kneecap and the ball of my foot and probably my hand, but only found out years later about my kneecap and foot when I had an xray to get orthotics made/approved. I knew about my hand because I saw the entire thing bend back when I fell and kind of wanted to throw up. I did just wrap it in a wet wipe and try to play it off though to my friend who was worried and it was my dominant hand that I couldn't really move for 6 months. It's fine now. I am super careful, conscientious about health/bad decisions though so I hope to live a long time. But I actually do never get depressed and sadness/ anxiety is super fleeting.

Hmmm...udon and sushi? I don't know, I just really like being near the water.

the weather was kind of bad for a bit, super windy, choppy water.

Ah... jealous of your proximity to Foodland Farms et.al., but I have heard the weather has been really wacky.

I think I told you that this is the first year in forever that I'm not going to visit? Very sad but at least it's more understandable this year...

i think i only ended up going to foodland 3 times? they opened a Target nearby and then the Don Quijote is closer.

I am pretty sure we will be there for the same months again next year.

I may have also firmly decided that I no longer like pre-made poké.

That is... crazy talk! What killed it for you?

i think it's something about the texture. Maybe because all the ahi is on top of each other so it gets compressed in the food bin and then in the takeaway container? I got it a couple of times from Foodland (I ended up adding more ginger, scallions, shisho, everything) and Ono but I much prefer it when it's mixed fresh. A new place for poké I was really into was the no7 Japanese food truck in Haleiwa, so much better now than the poké food truck across from sharks cove.

Yerac, can we clip a locator beacon to you somewhere? Every time I think you are in Santiago your are ordering Poké in Hawaii.

oh, i just got back from there a week and half ago (was there from before new years). Although I got my ps4 while I was there, so it was probably not the best use of the time.

Yerac what is your job and why do you travel so much

I am a dirtbag now.

no wait. i think I am way too much into hygiene and skincare for that to be correct.

Yerac, since the global financial crisis, venture capital has propped up thousands of stupid software startup businesses

where did all that fucking money come from

Would you (and yours) go to the Kaka'ako FM with me? (y/n)

Why do questions lie hanging in the snow

What is the nature of man

oero