what to do when your roommate doesn't realize you're home and thusly is having loud sex in the living room

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Personally I would love to play Jack Tripper for this young thing. But I'm bored.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

shit man, get a smart sensible brunette to join in and Don Knotts as your landlord.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Really?! I think if he turned out to be making up this whole thing I would just surrender to his awesomeness and have no other gods before said awesomeness. xpost

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:37 (twenty-one years ago)

my landlord sounds and looks exactly like Michael Caine gone to seed.

okay I'll fess up to the chicken feed guy, but I never meant it to be taken as truth!

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:39 (twenty-one years ago)

you don't already, Roxy? =(

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:40 (twenty-one years ago)

AH! I knew it.

I forgive you. I feel very relieved now, actually.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 20 August 2004 18:03 (twenty-one years ago)

it's partially true, I did make a half-hearted stab at being an amateur P.I. but only received one phone call, from a guy who wanted me to "kick this jerk's ass, like in Cape Fear!" I reminded him the P.I. didn't fare too well in that film and he shouted "the hell with you!" and hung up. It might have been a prank call.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear!, please leave her the URL of this thread!

― ())(())()()()(()(LASER)()()()LA(Z)E(R)()()()((L)()()(A)(S(E)R()()()) (ex machina, Friday, 20 August 2004 18:13 (twenty-one years ago)

...bringing the tally of demands to three. Who else wants Gear to leave the url? This is like choose your own adventure except it's some dude's life and involves ass sex.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 18:54 (twenty-one years ago)

MY (CODE) NAME IS JONAS

― ())(())()()()(()(LASER)()()()LA(Z)E(R)()()()((L)()()(A)(S(E)R()()()) (ex machina, Friday, 20 August 2004 18:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd like him to leave the URL, but I doubt its going to make her upset. If someone did that to me I'd just think "wow, my roommate was really obsessed with me. cool!"

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I think that not only should he leave his roomate this url but he should also quit his job and leave "agh my midget coworker has caused me trouble" on dude's monitor.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:03 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe they'd eventually put two and two together and LUV would ensue

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I could think of a lot worse things than a whole bunch of people on the net being told that I was frequently being laid by indie girls and saying crazy shit about bands. I'm kind of half way there as it is.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:05 (twenty-one years ago)

It's not even about the ass sex anymore, it's all about him complaining about her as a roomate in general.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Roxy, it's always going to be about the ass sex.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

BTW that thing about your roommate and the bill made me cry

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

But getting laid by indie girls is way more respectable than getting pounded from behind by fey trucker-hat indie-boys, CeCe

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:14 (twenty-one years ago)

what about brutish trucker hat indie-girls? Whatever female variation on the "fey trucker-hate indie-boy" exists, I would happily join them in couch-tainting adventures and discussions of the genius of Jeff Tweedy. ESPECIALLY if I knew my hypothetical female roommate was gonna flip shit and post about it daily online.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

"Anthony just said Good Charlotte is the best band ever and then this emo girl started blowing him! On my couch!"

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

if it were that easy even I'd like Good Charlotte!

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Whatever female variation on the "fey trucker-hate indie-boy" exists
aka "Gear's roommate."

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Milo totally otm. You'd be happy to have the fact that you're screwing really dumb drunk emo-fans on your roomate's couch emblazoned on the entirenet? AND you think Daft Punk beats sound vaseline-coated?! SERIOUS POINTS LOSS THIS WEEK

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

milo, I can talk about weezer for hours

roxy, if I was livin' the indie rock lil' jon life i wouldn't give a shit what anybody here thought.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:27 (twenty-one years ago)

hey, roxy, we should move in together! you could be the gender-flipped Gear!

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:29 (twenty-one years ago)

What about getting pegged by fey trucker-hat indie-girls?

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously if I come home and CeCe's in my living room getting a footrub from my roommate I'll move out right that second.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

fuck it, man, if I get mine they can have theirs. OKAYYYY!!!!

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

LET'S GET THIS COUCH CRUUUUUUNK!!!!

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear's "puffy Angie Harmon" is still the best roomie description I've ever heard.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Although "porpoisey Angie Harmon" comes close.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Miccio, you can do all the skeet skeet skeet you desire, but not on someone else's couch, maaannnn!!!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh. My. God.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.lingosphere.com/mt/images/up-pov_lil_jon.jpg

"Get Low" rhymes with "Wilco" (note the hat!)

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

It also rhymes with "Oh, hell no."

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm getting visuals!

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

TRIPPIN' BITCHES OUT WHEN WE PLAY A LITTLE SLINT!
WE SWING AROUND TO COLO GET SOME LUCKY DENVER MINT!
KNOXVILLE'S GOT THE HATAS! FUCK THAT SHIT! FUCK THAT SHIT!
PUT A TARP OVER THE COUCH CUZ WE GONNA FUCK ON IT!
I'M LIKIN' TWEEDY FO' SHEEZY! I KNOW THE HATERS GONNA HURL
BUT LIKE JIMMY ATE WORLD MY JIMMY'S GONNA EAT THE GURL!

― Lil' CeCe The Manthony Tru Playa Trucka Fucka 3000 (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:45 (twenty-one years ago)

alright, I'll stop

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, you were very thoughtful with the tarp, so I'll let it go this time.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I would've handled roommate Santorum by saying nothing and making a display of putting a plastic slipcover over the couch.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 20 August 2004 20:40 (twenty-one years ago)

word on the street is that "he turned out to be a jerk!"

Somewhere in this sentence is an anal joke desperate to break free.

― Sexual Air Supply (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 21 August 2004 01:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I second (fifth?) the request to leave her the URL. I'm loving the possibility of her actually liking ILX and becoming an instant regular.

― chrisco (chrisco), Saturday, 21 August 2004 01:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, what with ILX being Emo Central and such.

― Sexual Air Supply (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 21 August 2004 01:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Well there sure are a lot of threads about anal sex.

― chrisco (chrisco), Saturday, 21 August 2004 01:58 (twenty-one years ago)

She could call herself 'roomie'.

― Alba (Alba), Saturday, 21 August 2004 09:51 (twenty-one years ago)

roomy?

ew.

― Kim (Kim), Saturday, 21 August 2004 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

24 likes ass sex and will have sex with anyone with two legs your roommate sounds awesome!

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 21 August 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, but you're a shameless pervert, Ken C.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 21 August 2004 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

it's true! i should put out adverts for roommates like her.

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 21 August 2004 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

Ah yes. So tonight I came home from work early, after it was determined that in fact there was nothing for me to do until tomorrow night.

I was most concerned about finding a cockroach in the place (like I did last night when I got home, a big mofo about an inch and a half long) so I entered the apartment and turned on my lights.

Empty living room. Nothing scurrying about. I advanced towards my bedroom and turned on the hall light.

Nothing. but...

My roommate's door was wide open. The light poured into her room to reveal her lying naked on her bed, right next to the door, atop an indie ponce. She had been asleep, but then she awoke and looked at me. She probably didn't remember what she was doing, she just mumbled "what's up?" I shrugged and said, "I'm gonna miss moments like this." She closed the door.

Considering I'm moving out tomorrow and she's never around during the day, that's probably the last I'll be seeing of her.

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 23 September 2004 05:47 (twenty-one years ago)

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