shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

Fruit Flies Get Drunk Before Sex, After Sexual Rejection and in Pretty Much Every Other Situation, Too

Nun Dies in Court While Battling Katy Perry Over a Convent

http://catholicherald.co.uk/news/2018/04/03/parish-criticised-after-flying-blessed-sacrament-from-drone/?platform=hootsuite

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dnk-vC2Djk

“Is curing patients a sustainable business model?” Goldman Sachs analysts ask

jesus christ

A serial pooper targeted a N.J. high school track. It was a nearby school superintendent.

Romance writer's bid to stop authors from using word 'cocky' fails in court

There's no evidence having sex with robots is healthy, report says...

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/06/05/theres-no-evidence-having-sex-robots-healthy-report-says/672096002/

Okay, seriously, down to the photo, how is this NOT an Onion story?

https://www.wsj.com/articles/when-did-a-famous-guitar-smashing-occur-one-fan-insists-everyone-has-it-wrong-1528212278

“I don’t know when the wretched thing was taken,” she said, adding, “I don’t mind it being ambiguous.”

there is a comment on that article that might be Lefsetz under an alias

red alert, we have a red alert

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/06/13/style/dads-are-cool.html

That hot “retired millennial” look
“This is a logical extension or evolution of normcore,” said Brian Trunzo, the senior men’s wear editor at the trend forecasting firm WGSN. He calls the look “retired millennial.” “There’s something uniquely American about it, and very real, red-blooded man, like ‘I’m gonna wear a baggy plaid shirt with relaxed khakis because I’m chilling and I’m comfortable in my manhood.’”

Emily Segal, a founder of the design and technology think tank Nemesis Global and a former member of K-Hole, the trend forecasting group that helped identify the normcore phenomenon, has a more expansive view of the movement.

“I don’t think it just has to do with being a dad,” Ms. Segal said. “What we call dad style is stuff that is self-consciously unsexy, or even un-self-consciously unsexy.”

“Brands are trying produce mystery in this overexposed atmosphere,” Ms. Segal added. “They’re doing it by either picking something extremely random or something extremely obvious. Dad style is both.”

https://i.imgur.com/VWVa5Ec.png

we have Mac DeMarco to blame for this, don't we?

is now the time to open up a boutique of $1500+ windbreakers from the 90s, procured from goodwills across the midwest for $3 each

i was rocking this shit back in the early 90s. check out this totally normal photo where i'm just trailblazing the nonsexy dad look

https://i.imgur.com/oucNAHk.jpg

https://i.redd.it/m8wtquc1z4my.jpg

That is basically how I dress, for roughly 10% of the price.

In my younger days I would have maybe been happy to be ahead of the curve, now I just feel embarrassed for everyone involved, including myself for the minuscule bit of influence I might have had on this trend

This is wrong and nobody should be happy about it.

i was rocking this shit back in the early 90s. check out this totally normal photo where i'm just trailblazing the nonsexy dad look

https://i.imgur.com/oucNAHk.jpg

― obviously DLC (Karl Malone), Thursday, June 14, 2018 12:07 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the way the white parts of that jacket blend into the background freaked me the fuck out for a second.

yeah, my sister texts it to me out of the blue every once in a while and we always crack up. reminds me of the try suicide skit on mr show

https://i.imgur.com/0V6WyoF.jpg

oh thank god i wasn't the only one who was creeped out by that photo

Haha me too

Engadget: World's smallest violin uses MEMS, plays only for you

Lol

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DjAeXOFUwAEedU8.jpg

straight into my veins

https://www.thestar.com/news/cannabis/2018/08/08/cannabis-company-begins-first-federally-approved-study-of-cbd-treatment-for-pets.html

https://i.imgur.com/6dldz71.png

https://globalnews.ca/news/4549159/cookie-monster-cat-pajama/

https://nypost.com/2018/09/01/nyc-should-stop-coddling-young-white-bros-on-bikes/

"The Dale Earnhardts of the handlebars turn into colicky babies over every minor impediment to their progress. They tweet their rage whenever a bike lane is blocked by any of the inevitable nuisances — like utility digs, construction and fire trucks. You know, the things most New Yorkers deal with every single day while taking it in their stride. Fury’s in their blood, as was true of the guys who wished me death by dump truck over my last bike lane-bashing column. Bring it on, boys! But spare the women and children."

Whiney writes for the NY Post now?

just the title, but still

https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/chess-world-rattled-as-someone-nearly-wins-game/

They developed their own metrics: the Stool Hardness and Transit (Shat) score and the Found and Retrieved Time (Fart) score.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/nov/27/shit-a-brick-doctors-swallow-lego-to-allay-parents-fears?CMP=fb_gu

the guardian breaking big stories this week

Nigerian president denies dying and being replaced by clone

Just what a clone would say.

from April 2018
Hand dryers suck in fecal bacteria and blow it all over your hands, study finds

Listen there’s fecal bacteria everywhere and it’s best not to worry about it

Yeah my other half loves to point out when he farts that I an "breathing in poo particles". Thanks, guy.

More in the weird news vein, but:

No you Kant: Russians reject German thinker's name for airport
https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/136E6/production/_104609597_kantpaint27novgetty.jpg

https://www.pcmag.com/news/365332/amazon-robot-sprays-54-workers-with-bear-repellent

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2018/12/07/make-better-choices-endangered-hawaiian-monk-seals-keep-getting-eels-stuck-up-their-noses-scientists-want-them-stop/?utm_term=.981b743f0702

[

How Pot Noodle almost killed man - and the hero in his undies who saved him

British Medical Journal: Parachute use to prevent death and major trauma when jumping from aircraft: randomized controlled trial

Parachute use did not reduce death or major traumatic injury when jumping from aircraft in the first randomized evaluation of this intervention. However, the trial was only able to enroll participants on small stationary aircraft on the ground, suggesting cautious extrapolation to high altitude jumps.

A classic of the genre (pretty sure they've published that article, or a variation of it, multiple times over the years)

Judge rules that New York's state ban on nunchucks is unconstitutional https://t.co/cW1gPKA0o5 pic.twitter.com/r13l8XCoJC

— The Hill (@thehill) December 18, 2018

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61xa75yZ%2ByL._SY606_.jpg

This spoon and fork attach to your phone to lower disposable utensil usage. pic.twitter.com/CxeeRlTcZK

— Cheddar (@cheddar) January 18, 2019

finally, an opportunity to decrease disposable utensil usage