fights with your boyfriend or girlfriend

xp tbrr I’m more towards your bf’s end of the spectrum by nature but otoh I reportedly thrash a lot in my sleep and occasionally yell.

omg don't get me started on mattresses! it took us 1.5 years to pick one out....

Once you start to fight, then you should decide if you're in it to win it, or if the relationship is over. It's commitment-time, imo. Because honestly, fights are made 1000% worse by the "possibility of a breakup". Commit to be with your partner, and that you won't break up because of a fight about dishes or taxi fare, and suddenly the weight of these squabbles dissipates and the fights are rendered toothless.

― nevertheless, he stopped (flamboyant goon tie included), Tuesday, March 13, 2018 2:58 PM (four hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this feels like great advice. i posted last month elsewhere about fear that my relationship was in a death spiral, because our typically very healthy approach ("let's move as quickly as we can from fighting each other to working together to solve the problem") seem to be taking with a series of deep disagreements, and i realized i suddenly wasn't sure if the other half was still in it to win it with me or not--when we crossed that bridge explicitly (she is still in it to win it, as it happens), the sky turned much bluer for us both again.

*seemed not to be taking

picking your battles is *definitely* a fine line/judgment call. there have definitely been times when i knew it was necessary to get a little messy in order to figure something out. and then... there have been other times!

a series of deep disagreements

As a veteran of a 33 year marriage, I can assure you that even very successful relationships are going to have a final set of residual disagreements and incompatibilities that are not susceptible to resolution. You just have to find an accommodation that reduces the friction when they arise.

separate accommodation if necessary

I have to be real honest, I'd still be living in my own flat instead of with my feller if I'd had the choice, but he lost his job and I couldnt sit back and watch him and his kids get evicted, so I moved in to help out. Still stuck there 2 years later lol.

(not cos hes still not working! just cos why bother changing things now...)

I’m pretty sure “why bother changing things now” eventually becomes the foundation of most relationships

Hahaah.. haaa... yes... :/

most relationships are pretty bad is the thing tho

well at least my parents prepared me quite well for this fucking diabolical life!

oh boy aint that the fuckin truth tho

one of the reasons im the content and happy souls i am

My parents have a terrible relationship and should've divorced years and years ago. I recoil every time I've behaved like them; it's effort to not.

i havent the constitution to survive behaving like my folks tbph

"'Fighting' is not good, if it's per se, but boy... I escaped a relationship partly due to fighting 7, 8 years ago (it turned physical, too, which was a deal-breaker for me). The complete absence of fighting in my new relation though is getting on my nerves. Big time. It's not healthy either.

― Google Atheist (Le Bateau Ivre)"

if it's any consolation you _will_ get to the fighty bit eventually

"1. what's for tea

Forgive my cultural ignorance, but isn't it usually...tea?

― change display name (Jordan)"

oh my god, you savage, you've never heard "the who sell out"?

i have to chime in and say that i think relationships can be great! but indeed, they have caused some of the worst pain i have ever experienced. i mean, having a healthy relationship with yourself is hard enough.

having a healthy relationship with yourself is hard enough.

truth bomb

sometimes when you're fighting it's a good idea to have sex and then finish talking after

true regardless of activity swapped in for "fighting"

^^truth bomb

oh my god, you savage, you've never heard "the who sell out"?

Nope, I haven't heard a lot of things!

In ref to your question upthread, J - I don't know if someone else answered this but "tea" is sometimes used in the UK to mean "dinner" (see also "pudding" being used to mean dessert) and yes it can be v v confusing at first.

I am not sure why I put quotations around dinner there. I am not awake yet.

oh i dunno if tea is dinner

its more like

they dont have dinner

they have tea or supper

or there is a blurry tea-dinner-supper timeline depending on when you eat

or it can only be tea or supper if you have a buttered piece to mop up

look tbph idk htf they conquered us or anyone else they are a bizzarre cult

omg stop it you're making it more confusing

I don't think most people differentiate between supper and dinner here so I could have just said tea is sometimes used to mean the evening meal.

also, lol

So is tea never dinner there? Tea is always tea?

Tea is dinner but sometimes dinner is lunch and pudding is dessert unless it's black pudding which is delicious. Guv'nor.

tea in scotland can def mean dinner in the 'evening meal' sense

high tea is, of course, something completely different

herself insists sunday dinner is a 2pm latest term

thats brunch i say thats brunch

she remains coolly distant

did i ever mention her mother is english did i

good news: you're both wrong

well at least i dont have to fight with her about it thread delivers

bad news: now you and i have to have make-up sex

there is never a right time for that but thks

depends on the part of the country you're from, but 'tea' is informal for dinner in my book, especially if it's an early evening / very late afternoon meal.

it's all in the inflection

lol, sorry not sorry for this derail

i do like brunch

i can eat brunch at 2pm or 2am tho

lets not forget morning tea and afternoon tea.

luv me sum morning tea

y'alllllll brunch is OUT!? you didn't know? it's all about lunch now.

there is no lunch. only dinner

i only have supper tbh

I just had pancakes and coffee at 10am on a weekday, is that “tea” or “pudding”?

that's early elevenses

key q: did you have breakfast first

there's definitely people in scotland (and perhaps elsewhere in britain) who call lunch dinner and dinner tea

i call dinner tea, but never lunch dinner

its breakfast if u hadnt eaten first otherwise heres the thing imo thats teabreak