Why do people leave ILX for good?

I'm not shy about calling out even posters that I like when they pull a dick move.

Lookit

Sometimes windbaggery is arseholery sometimes hobbyhorsing is arseholery sometimes soapboxing is arseholery sometimes naivety is arseholery
Sometimes zinging is arseholery
Sometimes tho it might be good

No hard and fast rule but rly again the wounds should be well licked by now if the zing era hit anyone that hard

then invite them back!
that's my idea.

idea: if you're a male and you want to increase the ratio of men-women on ilx but you don't want to invite women to come post maybe just stop posting yourself that'll help the ratio w/ a minimal amount of effort on yr part

Well yeah

As a 99.9% ILM poster I really like the plug.dj room and I’d love it if it was populated 24/7.

oh it's definitely time for a return to the plug room

Bullies do more than just bully, the rest of the time they might be interesting, intelligent, entertaining - whatever you want an ilxor to be.

― Video reach stereo bog (Tom D.), Tuesday, February 27, 2018 7:35 AM (one hour ago)

and they're not always the same posters, too! some grow into it, others grow out of it. It's obvious (with a few exceptions) from the large number of posters and posts on this thread, that we're not even thinking of the same people as "bullies" ... not that the thinly veiled "we all know who is a horrible" discussion is particularly "nice" either, considering it could easily be read by the persons in question. Both tendencies are kinda shitty to be on the receiving end of ... not that I haven't been on the giving end as well. This place can be a challenge to act like a decent person.

it's always a little jarring to see siegbran post on ILE. siegbran and gottpunch the only people i look to on ilm for music recommendations. which is why i'm not there that much.

I would like to invite roxy and JBR and tehresa and tokyo rosemary and some others back to more regular ILX posting but i also can understand that maybe they all left for reasons that also included wanting to break free from habitual posting on a website.

i want MAX to return!

Max, the guy, that was responsible for treating people like shit irl and getting paid for it -- you want that dude back?

MAX couldn't handle opposing viewpoints.

i think positing that ppl leave ilx bc it's mean is giving ilx way too much credit. the internet is far crueler. ppl leave ilx bc it's boring and has little original insight to offer. this is partially bc posters w/ original insight have abandoned the site and the posters that have remained are excellent at writing punny trump nicknames - a skill that, alas, is not in high demand as supply is at historically high levels. if you really like breathless takes on every twitter politics update of the day tho ilx is at least one of the top 50 sites for such content.

Lookit #2

If we're going to start a weighing up of individual named posters good and bad:

1: give each their own thread at least
2: max is a loooong way down the list on a positive/negative analysis

Nonsense, ILX is freer of Trump puns than most of the internet - you mostly just have to never click on the rolling US politics thread, which is a good idea anyway. xpost

what does down the list mean though

i think positing that ppl leave ilx bc it's mean is giving ilx way too much credit.

It's not even that

It's a misdiagnosis

Seen through a very narrow lens of ilx now

Which isn't as good but isn't zingy

But it's kind of ridiculous really to continuously repeat the assertion

i'd like to think we're all intelligent enough to know that not everyone has the same ilx experience. some posters avoid the mean parts, others are drawn to the mean parts. some posters blend in and are not targeted. others (who are still posting here) have gotten monumental amounts of shit from other posters. others who have experienced only a fraction of that shit have left over it.

Real talk here: I feel like Branwell and LJ have been the most shat upon posters in the 9 years I've been posting here.

xp
I've thought about it. I don't post that much, don't really have a lot of connections to folks at ILX, get most of my music news elsewhere, and tbh was never the most apt messageboard guy anyway, even when I was on them every day. I like that ILX never became facebook, as far as likes/quantifiable feedback, but otoh sometimes it feels like Twitter. So, if I left, it would be because I was finally ready to say "I dgaf whether someone I don't know thinks my post is otm". I don't need to be at the table, or at least not this kind of table. Where's the table that can read your innermost thoughts and validate your innermost valuables without you having to be sociable about it? Oh yeah, it's the embittered solitary novelist table.

it's not really that we're too cruel or not cruel enough. we should be less cruel to eccentric unique posters and more cruel to landfill posters. instead we mock the posters who stand out (and therefore contribute to the site) and let the idiot contributions from the ilx peanut gallery go uncommented upon.

ppl posting one word "otm" posts have been a blight on this site for as long as i've been here. if you're not adding anything with your post why are you posting?

otm

someone invite tynan back

otm

ilx really puts the 'mean' in 'average'

sarahell otm about the wide variety of user experiences

*must not post OTM here*

block poster / killfile helps a lot w the landfill iirc

it's not really that we're too cruel or not cruel enough. we should be less cruel to eccentric unique posters and more cruel to landfill posters. instead we mock the posters who stand out (and therefore contribute to the site) and let the idiot contributions from the ilx peanut gallery go uncommented upon.

― Mordy, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:12 (two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Too simplistic again imo.

Worth isn't a binary.

Unique behaviour can be as shitty or as boring as anything else.

Tom D. otm

i keep thinking the board misses the self-important ambitious posting of yore but then i look at the self-important posters who are left

I may have been shat upon but I've had the near-indestructible private school self-confidence to just keep on at it. Others haven't had the privilege of such a robust psychological defence

constantly seeking out hazing is a way to live, I guess

No LJ you're just oblivious I think

imago is deeply beloved by me, he reminds me of my brother

mh - i think the term for that is "power bottom"

If LJ were my brother he'd have had it battered out of him early enough that it would have stuck but he is what he is and we're fond of him in our own way

I had some "friends" who were genuinely jerks when I was a kid and it took me a number of years to realize that I'd fight back against them by being passive aggressive or finding modes of conversation they hated and using them. Horrible way to live.

when i was a kid i didn't get along w/ a lot of the other students who i felt were bullies and cruel. one time i asked someone who was mean to me why they didn't like me and they said that it was because i didn't like them. this must've been around 5th grade. it lead to a lifelong journey of noticing how the attitudes i express, sometimes subconsciously, sometimes w/ just looks or snide remarks, but never taking responsibility for the affect i was putting out, actually generated the responses i got from people. it's v rare that someone bullies bambi. generally they're bullying some covert passive-aggressive bully who thinks they're bambi.

Victim blambing

People def bully Bambi, key word here is generally in your case

Who Killfiled Bambi?

Lol

Your intentions can be pure but someone may just hate the way you look or don't think you fit in

I thought they just killed 'is mum?

To Understand Messageboards, You Need To Understand Bambi

Your intentions can be pure but someone may just hate the way you look or don't think you fit in

yeah if it's one person but the aphorism about assholes applies. if you run into one asshole etc. if everyone is "bullying" you you may just have a persecution complex and a shitty personality.

KM otm!

Fair enough Mordy. Point taken!