Bait My Clickhole

this has been bother me for a while!

every time i reread i forget about the blowhole full of bones, it's so beautiful

the person who wrote that is responsible for most of clickhole's best content i think, and is probably the pre-eminent american humorist of our age

whoever they are

are you a big jazz boy or a little jazz boy is their other masterpiece

i just had to stop reading "Garbage Boys" on the bus because i was embarrassed at how hard i was stifled laughing

It's a very post-Tim and Eric thing, the way "big jazz boy" "garbage sons" "nice dad" etc are repeated throughout.

saab owners die angry

One time, all my garbage sons got together to build an enormous marble statue of me weeping in the front seat of my wonderful car. The base of the statue had the inscription “I Don’t Cry. I Saab.”

its not brendan ohare as someone suggested upthread btw, i know because patricia lockwood tweeted saying she me the writer in chicago on her book tour and the day she was in chicago ohare posted a picture from pennsylvania, i tweeted at lockwood asking who it was and no response

― lag∞n, Tuesday, November 21, 2017 11:37 AM (two hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this prompted me to reread "the lake isle of innisfree"

saab owners die angry

― mh, Tuesday, 21 November 2017 19:22 (one hour ago) Permalink

I really want this shirt tbh

The big jazz boy piece reads a little like a Ginsberg poem

or something beat anyway, not sure if I'm thinking of ginsberg

http://images2.onionstatic.com/clickhole/5100/6/16x9/800.jpg

Making Things Right: The Pentagon Is Launching A Ballistic Missile Attack On Hawaii To Restore Faith In The Nuclear Alert System

Thanken to mein goode educatardo, ay rememberen thar sturry ov Jengus Christler dyinn on thar crossler far thar sens ov mandkindler, sparcefically masturbatarto. Thez ez warst sen en thar eyyes ov Godde.

http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/und-hungry-hogg-have-aten-oll-th-bibles-een-aur-ve-7189

I'm in awe

also, this. while i'm at it.

http://www.clickhole.com/article/5-dove-commercials-lean-pretty-heavily-biting-head-7128

wow

ha, Dove ads should be the target of more Clickhole imo

the Hung’ry hOgge one is an incredible treasure

https://i.imgur.com/9p3DqtN.png

Finally:
http://www.clickhole.com/article/much-needed-fix-ea-has-announced-upcoming-patch-ge-7188

http://images2.onionstatic.com/clickhole/5156/3/original/800.jpg

this is amazing

Gut-wrenching: Italian Waiter Grinds Fresh Black Pepper Onto Daughter’s Grave pic.twitter.com/HBofeIw7c6

— ClickHole (@ClickHole) February 13, 2018

lol jesus christ

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fCFRbcSmvCc

https://youtu.be/fCFRbcSmvCc

Fuck, i dont know how to do this

Don’t blame yourself the auto-embed is pretty specific.

truth...

http://www.clickhole.com/video/clickhole-presents-peel-7444

i love the peel.

http://www.clickhole.com/video/peel-dad-ellen-stevenson-7481

I guess this is old, but I had actual tears:

http://www.clickhole.com/blogpost/long-road-top-how-bursting-various-boardrooms-and--2308

I’m not embarrassed to say that I’ve got it all: the corner office with my name on the door, the private jet, the black card, the villa on the Riviera, and, yes, more money than I know what to do with. And I’m not ashamed, because everything I have I earned the hard way, through years of flinging open the doors to boardrooms and yelling, “That’s where I come in!”

Sounds easy, right? Like anyone could do it? Sure, and who hasn’t idly daydreamed of kicking open a conference room door in an immaculate suit to announce in a booming basso profundo, “That’s where I come in!” Cue standing ovation. But the fact is, if I’ve succeeded at that once, it’s only because I failed half a million times. God knows I’ve barged through countless doors and bellowed, “That’s where I come in!” before finally reaping the benefits.

The truth is, on nearly all of the occasions I burst into rooms shouting, “That’s where I come in,” the timing was just not right. Sometimes, I’d make my entrance just as everyone was shaking hands and rising to leave; others, when they were still dialing into a conference call. Once, I hollered, “That’s where I come in” during a moment of silence for a recently deceased trustee. Hell, half the time I’d yell, “That’s where I come in!” only to discover I’d burst into a supply closet. Needless to say, I developed a thick skin pretty quick.

Okay, you are Bernie Madoff. You had nothing to do with creating Mario, and you can’t go to PAX because you are in prison.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Da7UEMhUwAAoeHI.jpg

this one just killed me

https://www.clickhole.com/6-reasons-brandon-gave-for-why-his-dad-isn-t-around-tha-1825159411

Diplomatic Snafu: North Korea Is Letting Trump Choose If He Wants Three American Hostages Returned Or A Mysterious Box That Could Have Anything Inside It https://t.co/9XuDxcJxkG pic.twitter.com/sR7jdi2uQf

— ClickHole (@ClickHole) May 3, 2018

enjoyed this

https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--wYB1nGDr--/c_scale,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/mbagex8ncapaf15sbnfm.png

I'm a little upset that clickhole has a comment section now

Does it though? I may be wrong but it seemed like the comments were themselves a parody of a comments section

Oh I guess I'm wrong - I think the comments on the first article I saw them on were just so dumb I assumed...

Take That, Drumpf Lovers! A Research Team At MIT Has Conclusively Proved That Trump = Voldemort https://t.co/zrTsrhtNui pic.twitter.com/ErN3zLZMMy

— ResistanceHole (@ResistanceHole) May 9, 2018

resistancehole

faith in humanity restored!

praise unto the democrat god!

faith in humanity restored!

― the late great, Wednesday, May 9, 2018 1:14 PM (thirty-four minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

Mueller's latest genius trap for Drumpf

trying to figure out how to pitch this at a couple friends who have fallen into the "Why do we have a president who is mean and boorish! Is this your president, republicans?!?" crap

Good luck and may you never die, my brilliant lover, sir!

RH is a straight-up spoof of ilx politics

no it's way more a straight up spoof of r/politics