sand
― rove mcmanus island (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 10 November 2017 10:30 (six years ago) link
it gets everywhere!
― cajunsunday, Friday, 10 November 2017 10:31 (six years ago) link
Are the Hobbit films ineligible? I suppose they're a separate series to LOTR.
― chap, Friday, 10 November 2017 10:35 (six years ago) link
this is attack of the clones vs terminator genisys for me
gonna go with genisys because although every frame of aotc is utter shit, genisys starts with a potentially interesting premise and then proceeds to make the worst imaginable story decisions at every turn - that little glimpse of hope in the first ten minutes or so makes the remaining two hours feel so much worse
― drinkmaster sealcup at yr service (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 10 November 2017 10:55 (six years ago) link
Funny how I thought "Attack of the Clones" was not bad when i first saw it, compared to "Phantom Menace". I rewatched the prequels a few years back and at least "Phantom Menace" tries to be fun (and at times succeeds). I'd watch it over AotC any day
Anyway, haven't seen most of these movies but can't imagine anything is worse than Trek 5
― Vinnie, Friday, 10 November 2017 12:06 (six years ago) link
how about anything w/ that massive bore Captain Picard?
― ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Friday, 10 November 2017 12:33 (six years ago) link
how dare u
― drinkmaster sealcup at yr service (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 10 November 2017 12:39 (six years ago) link
jean-luc picard is a saint
he defeated the borgs!
I downloaded a fan edit of the SW prequels compressed into a single movie with as little Annie and Jar Jar as possible, and it's very enjoyable.
― Fresh Toast (Old Lunch), Friday, 10 November 2017 13:13 (six years ago) link
I haven't seen any of the individual prequels since I saw them in the theater, so I really can't judge them fairly.
I can, however, judge Morbs and his very wrong opinions about Picard. Shame on you, sir.
― Fresh Toast (Old Lunch), Friday, 10 November 2017 13:14 (six years ago) link
His Star Wars was the best Star Wars.
― Fresh Toast (Old Lunch), Friday, 10 November 2017 13:15 (six years ago) link
police academy 5 was a big letdown after all-time series high police academy 4: citizens on patrol
― adam, Friday, 10 November 2017 13:22 (six years ago) link
i mean maybe it's good on its own terms but i find it very hard to approach without comparing the two
― adam, Friday, 10 November 2017 13:23 (six years ago) link
I very tentatively started rewatching the Police Academy series a few years back and was surprised to find that the first two were actually decent and occasionally funny. That was all over by the third one, though.
― Fresh Toast (Old Lunch), Friday, 10 November 2017 13:31 (six years ago) link
I've seen very, very few of these.
I thought Attack of the Clones was far worse than Phantom Menace: after PM didn't provide much more than a basis, I expected Clones to deliver with story progress but it hardly did. I saw the film only once, back then in the cinema, but I've never had any interest in seeing it again. I remember that most of the movie's attention went to the romantic & emotional problems of Anakin Skywalker, as performed by someone who couldn't act.
I've seen the fifth Potter, which was a massive step down from the fourth IMO.
X-Men First Class was pretty great I thought, even if the villains weren't grand.
Seen Bond & pretty sure I've seen all Police Academy movies, I think that's it.
Of the few I know, Clones is definitely the worst.
― Valentijn, Friday, 10 November 2017 13:31 (six years ago) link
special shout-out for superman returns, which manages to capture enough of the charm of richard donner's superman movies to make it even more of a slap in the face when our hero is revealed as both a deadbeat dad and a creepy weirdo using his x-ray vision to spy on his ex
― drinkmaster sealcup at yr service (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 10 November 2017 13:38 (six years ago) link
Also each of Superman's challenges simply involves lifting a heavier thing than the last one iirc.
― chap, Friday, 10 November 2017 13:40 (six years ago) link
Skipped almost all of these.
GOODFinal Destination 5Seed of Chucky
MEHMuppet Treasure IslandA Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream ChildPrometheusStar Wars Episode II: Attack of the ClonesX-Men: First Class
BADBenji: Off the Leash!Friday the 13th: A New BeginningA Good Day To Die HardIce Age: Collision CourseVacation
UGLYStar Trek V: The Final Frontier
― Anne of the Thousand Gays (Eric H.), Friday, 10 November 2017 13:46 (six years ago) link
i love that you skipped almost all of these but still found the time to screen benji: off the leash!
― drinkmaster sealcup at yr service (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 10 November 2017 13:48 (six years ago) link
That was on assignment.
― Anne of the Thousand Gays (Eric H.), Friday, 10 November 2017 14:07 (six years ago) link
Most of those were on assignment.
tbh i prefer my initial assumption that you were a die-hard benji fan who was bitterly disappointed by his fifth cinematic outing
― drinkmaster sealcup at yr service (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 10 November 2017 14:09 (six years ago) link
tbh, I prefer that assumption too
― Anne of the Thousand Gays (Eric H.), Friday, 10 November 2017 14:12 (six years ago) link
"fans used to spend hours in contentious speculation over what benji would be like taken off his leash. well, now the question is answered, but was THIS what we waited seventeen years for? five films and three decades in, it's clear Camp has lost his passion for the series"
― Doctor Casino, Friday, 10 November 2017 14:21 (six years ago) link
and yes - all five theatrical benji films were directed by the same guy! the forthcoming reboot will be helmed by his son if I understand correctly. that's nice.
― Doctor Casino, Friday, 10 November 2017 14:23 (six years ago) link
genisys starts with a potentially interesting premise and then proceeds to make the worst imaginable story decisions at every turn - that little glimpse of hope in the first ten minutes or so makes the remaining two hours feel so much worse
otm. it's my vote here bc of how i felt increasingly insulted over the course of two hours
― ToddBonzalez (BradNelson), Friday, 10 November 2017 14:25 (six years ago) link
all final frontier haters:
http://www.millionaireplayboy.com/mpb/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/good_trekv_04.jpg
― ToddBonzalez (BradNelson), Friday, 10 November 2017 14:26 (six years ago) link
― ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Friday, November 10, 2017 5:33 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
i'm with morbs here, the mediocre-to-shitty tng movies are significantly worse than final frontier to me, which at least has stupid shit happening constantly
― ToddBonzalez (BradNelson), Friday, 10 November 2017 14:32 (six years ago) link
final frontier also has that excellent scene where sybock breaks down the mental barriers of the whole crew
― ToddBonzalez (BradNelson), Friday, 10 November 2017 14:33 (six years ago) link
so many choices.
Went for the Die Hard disaster, because I enjoyed all the previous ones (yes I liked the fourth one)
― Ste, Friday, 10 November 2017 14:34 (six years ago) link
First Contact > Generations > Final Frontier > Nemesis > Insurrection
― Monster fatberg (Phil D.), Friday, 10 November 2017 14:37 (six years ago) link
Also Attack of the Clones is good and you are all crazy.
breathtaking switch from otm to v def notm from phil d's last two posts there
― drinkmaster sealcup at yr service (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 10 November 2017 14:39 (six years ago) link
otm
― Doctor Casino, Friday, 10 November 2017 14:41 (six years ago) link
though tbh basically everything below 'first contact' in that list is equally bad in a slightly different way. final frontier and insurrection maybe the most similar, for feeling really cheap and lazy and flat and boring.
― Doctor Casino, Friday, 10 November 2017 14:42 (six years ago) link
Phantom Menace is worse than Clones is worse than not bothering to see Sith.
― Anne of the Thousand Gays (Eric H.), Friday, 10 November 2017 14:42 (six years ago) link
one kinda unique thing about the pre-reboot trek movies, variable in quality though they undoubtedly are, is that no matter how shitty they might be it's still at least a little bit fun to check in with the cast and see what their characters have been up to
that being said, i'd chew glass before watching insurrection again
― drinkmaster sealcup at yr service (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 10 November 2017 14:49 (six years ago) link
as before i suspect the worst is probably one i haven't seen, like the die hard or terminator ones (whose trailer just bummed me out endlessly, given how much i love the first one). or probably Saw V (I've only seen long portions of Saw III and they really really bothered me). or the animated ones, whose whole series are really ugly and dreary from what i've seen and god knows how bereft they would be by the fifth installments.
wikipedia can't make up its mind about the pink panther numbering btw. some seem to think this isn't "really" the fifth one since Inspector Clouseau (1968) is missing all the major players. by this count, #5 is revenge of the pink panther and #6 is trail of the pink panther which is built around flashbacks of things peter sellers did in older films, since he was dead. that sounds like a real winner.
those that i've seen:
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: serviceable, might accept case that it's the weakest in the series but these are all at least pretty good. main problems are inherited from the book, with the central plot driven, irritatingly, by harry's refusal to take anti-mind-control class seriously. fred & george vs. umbridge was fun IIRC.
Muppet Treasure Island: pleasant as noted upthread.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales: cannot imagine watching any more of these after #3. somewhere on the Blank Check podcast, david sims cracked me up by observing the mentality apparently driving these sequels: "because that's what people like about the first one, right? a bunch of pirates turning into things? ... they're always sailing off to the goddamned indian ocean and turning into barnacles or something!" the prospect of bardem and depp trying to out-ham each other fills me with dread.
Prometheus: horrendously dumb and insulting but with occasionally beautiful visuals. the opening scenes with fassbender permit one the possibility of imagining something much more interesting. on the other hand all the goals and content of the plot are infuriating.
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier: dreary, tedious, characters are morons, effects look like hell. i admit that as a kid i felt some sense of drama and suspense when they arrived on the planet where they're expecting to find God. but this is easily in the bottom 2-3 of the entire series.
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones: worse than Phantom Menace, nearly unwatchably ugly and tone-deaf. but almost worth it for the lols over the years. it was cool seeing christopher lee even if his character sucked.
Superman Returns: in hindsight i appreciate the desire to maintain and update the christopher reeve take, versus what they've chosen to do since. a small number of scenes work, and the airplane save is one of the best superhero scenes of the decade and genuinely got me excited and goosebumpy for that good old superman feeling. otherwise though a slowwwwww and wince-inducing failure.
You Only Live Twice: racist, too long, boring. only memorable (and not awful) thing is ken adam's design for the evil headquarters, which is possibly his masterpiece.
X-Men: First Class: this was fun IMHO despite some cheaping-out on the forgettable evil mutants and the terrible handling of Emma Frost, a fantastic character who could have become a series icon if written intelligently. the period setting and fanservice/prequelly stuff was generally cute rather than annoying (except "I was wrong, you're not a nerd... you're a BEAST!!" or whatever). central performances are great. fassbender should be in every fifth movie in a series.
voting star trek. clones is probably objectively worse but i only had myself to blame for going back to the theater after the first one.
― Doctor Casino, Saturday, 11 November 2017 19:24 (six years ago) link
the only ones of these I've seen are:
Fast Five: where I came in to the series, and better than any of the others I've watched since [part of 1, part of 2, all of 3 because a cat was sitting on me, 6 and 7 in the cinema. am off the bus until Lin returns.]
Star Trek V: even as a kid this was weak gruel but Spock's flying boots ruled
You Only Live Twice: some cool set pieces, disappointed kid-me for ditching all the plot and themes of the novel
saw a large bit of Seed Of Chucky on TV once, seemed like it was probably great
btw Doc Casino: Fully Loaded is the SIXTH Herbie film - it's no less of a reboot or remake than the Peyton Reed / Bruce Campbell TV version.
― shackling the masses with plastic-wrapped snack picks (sic), Sunday, 12 November 2017 00:33 (six years ago) link
TV and VHS entries don't count towards numbering... otherwise i'd be including all those series that became direct-to-video after the second or third movie.
― Doctor Casino, Sunday, 12 November 2017 00:42 (six years ago) link
similarly, ernest's first feature-length adventure was a direct-to-video item titled Dr. Otto and the Riddle of the Gloom Beam which i'd never heard of until preparing these polls and which i am not counting. that series is such a weird throwback anyway, more like a three stooges deal where every time he's working a different job at a different place... no other characters recur AFAIK, there's never any reference to previous events, it's just, hey, ernest is in this new situation! i haven't seen any of Tyler Perry's movies but i get the sense they may be keeping this tradition alive in the 21st century, with Madea just popping up to deal with these different situations.
i did skim the herbie: fully loaded wikipedia entry and it seemed like it was meant to take place within the existing herbie continuity...? the connections are vague enough that i'm sure it doesn't really play like a 'sequel,' but it's not like they tell a new origin story for the magical car, and it's explicitly arriving from some previous series of adventures:
Herbie, a Volkswagen Beetle, is towed to a junkyard after losing several races, and Ray Sr. takes Maggie to the junkyard to buy her a car as a college graduation present. After Maggie selects Herbie, she finds an anonymous note in Herbie's glove box, possibly written by Herbie's old owner Hank Cooper (from the 1997 film The Love Bug) or Jim Douglas (Herbie's original owner from The Love Bug and Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo) which reads: "Please take care of Herbie. Whatever your problem, he'll help you find the answer".
― Doctor Casino, Sunday, 12 November 2017 00:51 (six years ago) link
(from the 1997 film The Love Bug)
^ by your own petard
― shackling the masses with plastic-wrapped snack picks (sic), Sunday, 12 November 2017 01:09 (six years ago) link
hahaha but that's just some wiki editor! i don't have to use their same criteria!
― Doctor Casino, Sunday, 12 November 2017 01:13 (six years ago) link
I voted Terminator Genisys because at least the other movies at least try to have a plot.
― Zings Can Only Get Better (snoball), Sunday, 12 November 2017 18:43 (six years ago) link
at least
Would like to hear more about sic's cat-scale of movie rating
― Gary Synaesthesia (darraghmac), Sunday, 12 November 2017 21:03 (six years ago) link
re: Die Hard discussion above, the production history of the third one is kind of hilarious
Like most of the films in the series, the premise of this film was repurposed from a stand-alone project. Various scripts were written for Die Hard 3; a number of them were ultimately rejected by Bruce Willis on the grounds that a number of them felt like retreads of the action movies that came in the wake of the first film.[3] One script, originally titled Troubleshooter, had McClane fighting terrorists on a Caribbean cruise line, but was rejected for being too similar to Under Siege.[4] Troubleshooter was later repurposed for Speed 2: Cruise Control.[3]The script ultimately used was intended for a film entitled Simon Says, originally positioned as a Brandon Lee vehicle, and the character of Zeus was written with an actress in mind. Warner Bros. bought the script and rewrote it as a Lethal Weapon sequel. Warners later put the script in turnaround, only to be purchased by Fox and rewritten as a Die Hard film.[3]
The script ultimately used was intended for a film entitled Simon Says, originally positioned as a Brandon Lee vehicle, and the character of Zeus was written with an actress in mind. Warner Bros. bought the script and rewrote it as a Lethal Weapon sequel. Warners later put the script in turnaround, only to be purchased by Fox and rewritten as a Die Hard film.[3]
― Number None, Sunday, 12 November 2017 22:26 (six years ago) link
god that explains so much
― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 12 November 2017 22:35 (six years ago) link
only memorable (and not awful) thing is ken adam's design for the evil headquarters, which is possibly his masterpiece.
Amazing theme song/score as well, c'mon.
― chap, Monday, 13 November 2017 00:54 (six years ago) link
i count thirty
― gimme the beet poison, free my soul (Doctor Casino), Saturday, 18 November 2017 03:05 (six years ago) link
monster
― mookieproof, Saturday, 18 November 2017 04:03 (six years ago) link
very accurate results
― cosmic brain dildo (Sparkle Motion), Saturday, 18 November 2017 06:41 (six years ago) link
I don't hate Genisys, it was stupid action fun. way better than salvation.
― Einstein, Bazinga, Sitar (abanana), Saturday, 18 November 2017 06:59 (six years ago) link
that is a very low bar imo
― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 November 2017 07:13 (six years ago) link
Genisys was only slightly more tolerable than a prostate exam
― fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Saturday, 18 November 2017 15:35 (six years ago) link
prostate exam is all over in a couple of minutes so no
― faked potato (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 18 November 2017 15:36 (six years ago) link
With genisys it didn't even matter who you were there with so no
― fake pato is kind of racist, dude (darraghmac), Saturday, 18 November 2017 15:52 (six years ago) link
Assuming the one vote for Seed of Chucky was a misunderstanding of the poll topic.
― Anne of the Thousand Gays (Eric H.), Saturday, 18 November 2017 16:18 (six years ago) link
at first I thought this was the Die Hard with my boy Olyphant in it and I was briefly incensed
― Simon H., Saturday, 18 November 2017 16:29 (six years ago) link
http://www.benji.com/JoeCamp/ImagesJoe/B&Me-web.jpg
a friend of mine is reading this as research for a "you must remember this" style podcast on Benji. can't wait to hear the real dirt on the troubled shoot for benji: off the leash!
― the pleather of pleather paul (Doctor Casino), Friday, 15 December 2017 14:34 (six years ago) link
Benji was a total coked-out diva on the set, iirc.
― Oiled Launch (Old Lunch), Friday, 15 December 2017 14:39 (six years ago) link
"Oh, Heavenly Dog!" or get out.
― Monster fatberg (Phil D.), Friday, 15 December 2017 14:49 (six years ago) link
omg it got its own thread: Benji: Off the Leash!
― the pleather of pleather paul (Doctor Casino), Thursday, 21 December 2017 16:09 (six years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NooW_RbfdWI
this is shaping up to look like it coulda been a contender imo
― Doctor Casino, Thursday, 8 February 2018 01:42 (six years ago) link
more stuff that was in the crazy sayles script iirc
― adam the (abanana), Thursday, 8 February 2018 06:43 (six years ago) link
based on reviews, JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM seems as if it could either have been a contender in this thread, or a classic case of "the previous one was so bad that nobody even cared that this was worse"
― This is a total Jeff Porcaro. (Doctor Casino), Tuesday, 26 June 2018 21:08 (five years ago) link
Wow, I figured improving on the last one would've been the easiest thing in the (movie-related) world. Guess trying is still hard.
― A Frankenstein + A Dracula + A Mummy That's Been Werewolfed (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 26 June 2018 21:39 (five years ago) link
Worst Sixth Film In A Series
― Doctor Casϵϵno (Doctor Casino), Saturday, 25 August 2018 01:14 (five years ago) link