Rolling Maleness and Masculinity Discussion Thread

"guys are gross" is hmmmmm, interesting, lie down on the couch and tell me more

lol well Doc you see it all started when I realized I was a hetero cis-gendered male...

I feel like cuddling is reserved for my significant other and my children (who will also surely grow out of it/not want it at some point - presumably around puberty)

This is also how I feel; if I'm not in a sexual relationship with you or raising you, I do not want to cuddle you.

29 out of 30...i don't know about that. i mean, i wonder what the definition of cuddling is here, because my definition is more like...

http://thefilmspectrum.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Screen-Shot-2013-11-24-at-3.36.49-PM.png

I remember a point in my childhood where I just decided it wasn't ok to kiss my dad goodnight anymore and then maybe a few years after I kinda regretted making this arbitrary withdrawal of physical contact that by then felt too late to undo

I can't separate cuddling from sex, whether as prelude or aftermath, and neither could John Candy.

In most Latino households, men kiss close male relatives on the cheek; it's no big deal. When I get drunk, I get kissy with straight friends.

lol well Doc you see it all started when I realized I was a hetero cis-gendered male...

I'm only exploring this playfully but I'm not sure why straightness or cisness would lead you to effectively reject your own physicality tho, guys are gross = "I am gross"

Bold statement imo

Bourdain has taken to Twitter to attack “meathead culture” in the restaurant world

Bourdain maintains a ridiculous vendetta against veganism, so who's the real "meat head"

eh kissing on the cheek euro/latino-greeting style is no big deal

in India male friends hold hands walking down the street etc., which I always found an interesting contrast to the west

xp

NV obviously I meant *other* guys are gross. I am awesome and deserving of all the love I can get.

Arms draped over shoulders is close enough whether sitting or standing with the lads

Don't tbh feel it needs a lot of investigating. I don't know many women who cuddle their friends either.

29 from 30 sounds to me like you're stretching what cuddles are alright

Brothers, dad and close cousins may or may get a big sloppy kiss behind the ear idk this stuff is contextual

I don't like touching other people or being touched by other people. My wife is the sole exception to this. I wouldn't even shake hands if it wasn't socially mandated, and I am definitely not a hug-one's-coworkers type. This is not germophobia or anything; it's just personal space. You stand over there, I'll stand over here, and we'll have a nice friendly conversation.

anything "natural" is worth picking at imo

of course I understand why people don't cuddle - proper cuddle - people beyond their closest intimacy circle, the same reason I wouldn't do it

just think that's a shame tbh, this personal space/intimacy/propriety lark feels like a gulf of self-inflicted sadness to me

Of course, my wife has occasionally had to advise me that we'll get better service if I make eye contact with the waiter/waitress when ordering, so maybe I'm more of an outlier than I realize.

I just don't get the idea of non-sexual cuddling. What's the point?

I can't separate cuddling from sex, whether as prelude or aftermath, and neither could John Candy.

― morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, October 25, 2017 4:02 PM (six minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Lol. Same though. Hugging on meeting, departing, or in between for whatever: sure. Kissing male friends too, all no big deal. Cuddling though, can't imagine that.

wrote that before reading unperson's post - obv some people feel strongly about personal space - I work with a load of them - and sure, fine, but probably for many people it's just a propriety/convention thing and the world would be great if we had a bit more animal chimpunity

It's a pity I am an excellent cuddler tbh

the honesty's too much

I don't think cuddling w people outside my closest intimacy circle would make me happier in any way. I am not sad about the level of cuddling in my life. For ex., I have a 4yo boy who is super-cuddly, I get it every day, it's plenty and it's great.

ah there's the difference, I'm a sad single isolated old man

sort of tying this back into the "consent" thing, I've been trying to make a point of asking my 5-yr-old daughter "do you want a hug?" "do you want me to cuddle you?" Sometimes she says yes, sometimes no, and I do feel like it is giving her the message that it's ok for her to decide when she wants someone to touch her.

nah I'm just tactile if I can say that without sounding like the worst creepoid on earth.

consentually tactile

In times when life was more, um, fluid, I am pretty sure I slept platonically with five or six close friends, both male and female, in various combinations.

It was seen as a gesture of trust and comfort; the nonsexual nature of it was overtly discussed and understood. Also we were poor and weird and lived what I guess might be called edgy or alternative lifestyles, with lots of staying out late, lots of booze and drugs, considerable sexuality and gender ambiguity, and lots of being in unusual places with sketchy dwelling arrangements and few transportation options.

Can't quite imagine this happening now that my friends and I are living rather more conventionally, with houses and jobs and families and adult routines. I'm not going to approach Bob or Susan at work (or even after a co-worker happy hour) and suggest we have a little cuddle.

this is still my fave image of manliness. kiss a guy on the mouth while he is holding a shotgun in the woods. and then kill him probably. i can't remember the movie.

http://media.gettyimages.com/photos/kirk-douglas-kissing-alex-cord-in-a-scene-from-the-film-the-1968-picture-id151790678

sort of tying this back into the "consent" thing, I've been trying to make a point of asking my 5-yr-old daughter "do you want a hug?" "do you want me to cuddle you?" Sometimes she says yes, sometimes no, and I do feel like it is giving her the message that it's ok for her to decide when she wants someone to touch her.

― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Wednesday, October 25, 2017 4:14 PM (four minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

:) :) :) :)

i'm a pretty physical person and i enjoy embraces, hugs, arms on my shoulders. i'm hesitant to do the same to others unless i am very sure that it is welcome (e.g. w/ my wife, sons, brothers, and very close friends) but i really enjoy when others do it to me. there was an older colleague in a more senior position to me at my previous job and on my very first day he put his arm around me and welcomed me to the organization, i really appreciated his warmth and have always thought of him fondly, though it is very easy to see how someone else would find such an act very loathsome and uncomfortable, even threatening.

the only "non-sexual" cuddling apart from my wife and kids i've experience was this weird phase in freshman year in college when our group of friends (male & female) would often cuddle each other in the dorms. i don't really believe that it was non-sexual though for everyone involved, i think more likely many of us were just too shy or inhibited to initiate sex.

Brothers, dad and close cousins may or may get a big sloppy kiss behind the ear

haaa this is great

This is an issue in my job - we have to put teenagers with host families and there is a lot of safeguarding / criminal checks work to go with this, and we'd basically advise hosts not to touch guests *at all* beyond a handshake.
There was a case with a 17-year-old girl from Spain, she was homesick during her first week in the UK and complained that her host family wouldn't hug her or physically comfort her when she was crying about it. The line we take about this is that these are "British cultural values" and we have to stick to them in the context of the UK, no exceptions, but it's a bit of a cop-out, we have these huge cultural problems with abuse and for want of an alternative we are attempting to fix them with the bluntest instrument possible. Not that I can think of a workable alternative.

i think i've read the word cuddle enough for one day. i think it's too close to the word cloying to me...

I just don't get the idea of non-sexual cuddling. What's the point?

infantile regression to non-sexualized intimacy a balm in a hyper-sexualized hyper-mediated world

hyper-hyphenated world ya mean

sort of tying this back into the "consent" thing, I've been trying to make a point of asking my 5-yr-old daughter "do you want a hug?" "do you want me to cuddle you?" Sometimes she says yes, sometimes no,

lol re: kids this can be a funny line because both my kids will definitely do the "'no' when they mean 'yes'" thing, like I'll start tickling one of them and they'll be laughing and all "no no no! stop!" and then I stop and they're all indignant "why did you stop tickling me!?! TICKLE ME NOW"

too many hyphens, need a hug

just think that's a shame tbh, this personal space/intimacy/propriety lark feels like a gulf of self-inflicted sadness to me

i'm not sure i see it as a shame -- but i do lament the ability to snuggle with people because i am a cuddly person. it's a bummer. unfortunately, the world we live in doesn't permit a person like me to indulge the availability of cuddles because of 1001 reasons not the least of which is sexual assault.

i think "no cuddling"/easy on the skinship is a safe default position if you don't want to make someone deeply uncomfortable for any number of reasons.

consensual cuddling rules

I just don't get the idea of non-sexual cuddling. What's the point?

this question made me sad

it's one of those things you read that reminds you how different people are.

Had a hug from JCLC about six or seven years ago, still recall it fondly. Would recommend

yeah, his are good

I just don't get the idea of non-sexual cuddling. What's the point?

Assuming you mean non-sexual cuddling outside of an intimate relationship here. There's something very comforting about it inasmuch as it's an end unto itself without expectations. And I guess it's also a mutual demonstration of trust, in a way. Like 'honored' feels like a weird word to use in this context, but it kinda describes how I've felt on the occasions when I've platonically cuddled with or slept in the same bed as a female friend. I do feel honored that those women have felt comfortable with me in that context, particularly when I consider that their general expectations about male behavior might make them apprehensive to do so with other men.

I love hugs and giving hugs, but cuddling requires more physical contact, and if I'm cuddling with a Jake Gyllenhaal type I'm gonna wanna crawl inside his beard.

hold on -- sleeping in the same bed and NOT touching/spooning/anything but sleeping is not cuddling
if you are touching or holding the other person in an affectionate manner before after or during sleeping in the same bed, that is cuddling
otherwise, merely sleeping in proximity is not cuddling imo

i get what you are saying and it makes sense -- i just want to make sure you all don't think sleeping in the same bed is the same as cuddling?!

Civil War soldiers spooned for warmth btw

some of them probably forked as well, but that's outside the scope of the discussion

Yeah, we're on the same page, LL. Platonically sharing a bed/cuddling/sharing a bed AND cuddling are all distinct things of varying levels of intimacy but which all require a pretty high trust threshold.

indeed

What a cuddle fuddle this is.