Rolling Maleness and Masculinity Discussion Thread

The combat sports is because I have a nuclear level of energy inside of me, and no therapist can do anything about that! I mean dude, I come from a family of military people, entrepreneurs, boxers, and more, who lust after destroying people, and the world, in total warfare.

I'm a decent guy with a conscience, but I have so much energy inside of me I could destroy a fucking city. That's how it feels, at least. I need an outlet for that.

If I can find a therapist who has fuck all about what I'm dealing with, all the better, but I haven't found one yet. The best I've found are authors like John Le Carre who sort of get it.

Okay, punching people in a ring with pads and helmets might be a worthwhile outlet, but a lot of people here that care about angry internet randos have suggested you keep plugging away on the talk-to-a-professional front.

good mourning!

https://24.media.tumblr.com/a16a78dc124f5b249276aa292e81307b/tumblr_morqmcKh6p1qakh43o1_250.gif

I'm fine with what carpet_kaiser has posted here given it closely parallels my upbringing except that my (much older) brothers were nice to me, though unfortunately too far from my life to be of much help. Sleeve and man alive's accounts also very relatable for me. I don't have the time or inclination at the moment to share my story and I don't want to be 'that guy' who drifts the thread. I'll add though that years of therapy didn't help me much (hurt additionally by the unfortunate passing of the therapist I saw for two years and didn't keep her file on me to give to someone else to continue where we'd left off). I found online and IRL support groups for people who were molested as children or teens to be far more useful.

Carpet Kaiser
Have you looked into men's group therapy?
If you can find a good group I think it might be very helpful and is usually cheaper
It's definitely a different dynamic than one on one and great if you find the right group

K

Kinda bummed this thread turned into a clusterfuck a little

tbf I assumed it started that way, just looking at the title.

It was destined

Sorry for ruining your thread Marcos

u didn't! also man alive is the thread starter

i do think a certain thing happened to this thread and that what exactly happened to it should be fairly obvious to a dedicated reader. i'm not going to say anything more than that.

p much

Def but I don't think it's too late to get it back on track tbh

possibly, but it's difficult without addressing the underlying cause.

I read The Girls and Nugent Miller by Robert Sheckley the other night and it reminded me of this thread. It has such a bleak and scary ending. It basically ends with the idea that all men become monsters under the right circumstances. Kind of an insane story to find in the middle of an old space rocket SF magazine!

https://www.amazon.com/Girls-Nugent-Miller-Robert-Sheckley-ebook/dp/B002JIN6PW

Did I ruin it? Sorry if I did

no, fgti, you didn't ruin it.

Does anybody else mentally pronounce my username as "faggoty"?

I mentally pronounce it "lovely."

I mentally pronounce it as "flamboyant goon tie" :)

anyone who's anyone knows its an acronym

Did I ruin it? Sorry if I did

― fgti, Saturday, October 14, 2017 2:08 PM (seven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

definitely not

Well, that's all right then.

For a while in my early-30s, I was really actively looking for an older gay man that I could look up to as a role model. Somebody who had figured out a way of growing old with dignity, allowing their "gayness" to not necessarily be defined by the man on their arm, or something? Because, I don't know if you know this, but all gay men die sad, lonely and broke. Or at least most of them.

I met this actor dude who has got to be in his 80s. Really great guy. Just met him through friends, we had tea together. He was hilarious and smart and funny. I invited him over for dinner, and was hoping to kind of gently open up a conversation about "how do you transition from being a sexually active young/middle-aged gay man into being an oldster? How do your goals and aims change? How does your relationship to your sexuality change?" Guy came over and basically reminisced about "all the dicks he'd sucked through the years". An entire dinner of dick talk. Lol!

Most humans die lonely and broke I suspect.

I know what you mean, though. I hope marriage equality changes that for y’all. It springs eternal, hope; that’s what I’ve heard.

Marriage is not a solution to any systemic issues, come on.

V curious about that Sheckley story scott! He's an interesting one

Um many xps

Does anybody else mentally pronounce my username

fagheddi, like spageddy, like T✧✧@K✧✧.E✧✧

this was and is inspiring to me. i think when i first read it was just good to remember that people have been fighting for the progressive evolution of humanity for a long time and even though it's probably an endless process (will the earth even be habitable long enough for people to evolve?) it's always worth fighting the fight. this is from 1839. my great great great grandfather on women's rights. i love the disclaimer at the beginning from the editors of the magazine. he speaks for himself not us! and i love the part where he basically says that women have no responsibility to the government because the government is a usurpation of women. punk rock!

https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=hvd.32044011393303;view=1up;seq=366

that link doesn't go right to it. jump to page 350.

it's totally Too Long/Didn't Read. i get that. but there is good stuff in it!

Marriage is not a solution to any systemic issues, come on.

I know many people have happy marriages, but as a cure-all for "having a sad life" ... just no.

I am well on my way to dying sad, lonely and broke, so that's my part done.

When the system recognizes the right of a spouse to visitation in hospitals, it totally does. I’m sorry progress isn’t perfect.
― El Tomboto, Saturday, October 14, 2017 4:24 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I have many relatives and friends who are physicians or otherwise involved in healthcare. The US government gives an insane number of perks to married people, but this is one that while technically true isn't usually an issue IRL. Hospitals and doctors are in the business of keeping as many patients as possible alive and well, and if they're told by a patient in critical condition that they'd feel better knowing their bf or gf was beside them, the hospital is going to let them in. They did for me, and for someone else who requested my presense though I was just her roommate.

if they're told by a patient in critical condition that they'd feel better knowing their bf or gf was beside them, the hospital is going to let them in

you have to be conscious to request the presence of your bf or gf

You'd have to be conscious to request you husband or wife too. I'm not sure how or even if a hospital goes about tracking down my next of kin if I'm in hospital and I'm unconscious, or if they even try to. Different phone numbers and last names. Do they actually check "in case of emergency" contacts on mobile phones? In any case, if they find someone connected to me that person will tell them who my gf/bf is and I can't imagine a hospital not letting them see me, unless they don't want any extraneous people in the operating room.

Yr spouse is normally your next of kin and has decision making power in event of the etc

They manage to find out who ppl are most of the time iirc

You'll maybe just have to believe that this matters idk

Not sure if your last post is rhetorical or not, Lee, but I’ve got an answer (via the person in my house who works in US health care/policy).

Essentially, if you’ve got a different last name from the injured party or admitted patient, you’ll be asked to explain your relationship when you try to see them. If the relationship is not close enough (which is to say unmarried, or a parent) the HIPPA mindset kicks in and walls start going up. Depending on the particulars of this situation and the person in charge of granting visitors access, you CAN and WILL be kept away from a loved one.

Lots of married couples have different last names too (over half of my married friends and relatives actually), and anyway HIPPA doesn't make many exceptions for family members re: privacy issues (obviously, lots of people don't want their medical issues shared with certain family members). I should really look into this and find out how hospitals know who's close to me and my primary emergency contact. I did put it in my iPhone where it's findable from the lock screen; not sure if hospitals look at these.

ok, here's the actual relevant HIPAA regulation regarding whom a hospital can notify if you're unconscious ("disclose to a family member, other relative, or a close personal friend of the individual, or any other person identified by the individual", emphasis mine). In most cases, the hospital finds out who you are and who's close to you by looking through your wallet, phone, or anything else you may have on you when you arrived there, or from whoever called the ambulance.

As for who's allowed to make medical decisions for you if you're unconscious or incapacitated, there your spouse gets preferential treatment since the government knows who your husband or wife is. Your girlfriend or boyfriend doesn't automatically get this privilege, which makes sense since the government (or hospital) doesn't know who my girlfriend is, or if the person claiming to be my gf really is my gf. However, you can gain this privilege by creating a medical/healthcare directive and a durable power of attorney for your finances naming your girlfriend. Regulations vary some by state, and obviously by country.

(/thread drift)

Useful info regarding above: http://family.findlaw.com/living-together/unmarried-partners-medical-directives-and-the-durable-power-of.html

so to change the subject away from hipaa (which i can't believe i'm doing, i guess there's a first time for everything)...

one of my friends posted that every man who's been a harasser, who's been an abuser, should be the one saying "me, too". i agree, but it was still hard for me to say that i'd at least once harassed a woman. any thoughts?

I have two instances of being sexually harassed by women though both were before I was 18, and two times doesn't even hold a candle to have often a typical woman is harassed by men.

it was hard for me to post "me too" but i did it

and i didn't do anything wrong

I've been sexually harassed by men more than women too, and in worse ways, although nowhere near as often as women get harassed. When I was a freshman in college I had a middle aged man approach me at a city bus stop and start asking increasingly intrusive questions about where i lived and my sexual habits and then asking if I wanted to get my dick sucked. I was 18 and even that one experience had a pretty bad effect on me and left me questioning for a long time if there was something wrong with me or some reason he chose me.

does not having done anything wrong make it harder?