Have you guys heard about the new Shakespearean hip-hop artist, Perchance the Rapper?
― the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Wednesday, 27 September 2017 14:50 (eight years ago)
:D
― Le Bateau Ivre, Wednesday, 27 September 2017 15:37 (eight years ago)
I went to a restaurant the other day.
The waiter said, “Are you ready to order?”
I said, “Get me my fucking food!”
I went to the dentist the other day.
The dentist said, “How often do you brush?”
I said, “Onry when I’m feering shy.”
― dinnerboat, Wednesday, 27 September 2017 16:56 (eight years ago)
Someone else made this one up but I love it:
What is Forrest Gump's computer password?
1forrest1
― Shat Parp (dog latin), Wednesday, 25 October 2017 14:38 (eight years ago)
password strength = weak
― Ste, Wednesday, 25 October 2017 15:05 (eight years ago)
What is Terry Riley's favourite nursery rhyme?
In C Wincey Spider
― Monogo doesn't socialise (ledge), Thursday, 26 October 2017 07:57 (eight years ago)
It's too late, I already ate the last of the cheese
It was a feta-compli
― Shat Parp (dog latin), Thursday, 26 October 2017 23:19 (eight years ago)
― Shat Parp (dog latin), Thursday, 26 October 2017 23:20 (eight years ago)
haha
― niels, Friday, 27 October 2017 06:12 (eight years ago)
Did you hear about the leather maker who stubbornly refused to put a nap on any of his products?
He just couldn’t be suede.
― bumbling my way toward the light or wahtever (hardcore dilettante), Monday, 30 October 2017 11:36 (eight years ago)
Did you hear about the US mayor who put out online instructions for making japanese noodle soup?
Ramen E-manual
― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Monday, 30 October 2017 14:10 (eight years ago)
Did you hear about the guy who wouldn't put his shirt on?
He just kept putting it off.
-or-
Why did the guy decide not to put on a shirt?
In the end, he didn't think he'd be able to pull it off.
― Hideous Lump, Monday, 30 October 2017 23:12 (eight years ago)
*points to display name*
― Men's Scarehouse - "You're gonna like the way you're shook." (m bison), Tuesday, 31 October 2017 05:11 (eight years ago)
Why did the dyslexic celiac fly from Stansted?
Because he was Luton intolerant!
― chap, Tuesday, 31 October 2017 11:57 (eight years ago)
What’s red and shakes the windows?Beets by Dre
What’s waterproof and stays home alone?McAulay Caulking
― bumbling my way toward the light or wahtever (hardcore dilettante), Friday, 17 November 2017 02:05 (eight years ago)
Evan Dando & Eminem just released a single: It’s a Shame about Dre
― bumbling my way toward the light or wahtever (hardcore dilettante), Friday, 17 November 2017 02:07 (eight years ago)
:-)
What's angry and stays home alone?
McAulay Saulking.
― Ludo, Friday, 17 November 2017 11:59 (eight years ago)
excellent
― Fox Mulder, FYI (dog latin), Friday, 17 November 2017 12:07 (eight years ago)
Q: What’s this? : f0otLo053
A: Kenny’s login
― bumbling my way toward the light or wahtever (hardcore dilettante), Friday, 17 November 2017 18:46 (eight years ago)
mad decent
― niels, Friday, 17 November 2017 19:35 (eight years ago)
v good
― Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 17 November 2017 20:46 (eight years ago)
yes
― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Thursday, 30 November 2017 20:43 (eight years ago)
vg+
― Mark G, Thursday, 30 November 2017 20:50 (eight years ago)
https://www.myob.com/au/blog/files/2015/04/login.jpg https://www.myob.com/au/blog/files/2015/04/login.jpg & https://i.ytimg.com/vi/e3xcHeO68oE/maxresdefault.jpg
Logins and Ms. Cena
― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Thursday, 30 November 2017 20:58 (eight years ago)
My 8-year-old niece was very excited to tell me this joke that she made up today:
Why do elves wear clothes?
Because its their elf-fit.
― iCloudius (cryptosicko), Tuesday, 26 December 2017 01:03 (eight years ago)
Q: When do you celebrate burping? A: On your burp-day.
(as told by a real 5-year old)
― o. nate, Tuesday, 26 December 2017 04:14 (eight years ago)
I've got a fetish for feet, but only for white girls' feet. I went to the doctor and he told me I'm black toes intolerant.
― finlay (fionnland), Tuesday, 26 December 2017 13:56 (eight years ago)
what did the Japanese noise musician say when his wife gave birth?
new sooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
― the masseduction of lauryn hill (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, 5 January 2018 16:59 (eight years ago)
The local pub has started selling a pop-themed buy-one-get-one-free craft ale.
Dual IPA
― FREEZE! FYI! (dog latin), Thursday, 11 January 2018 10:05 (eight years ago)
Didja, didja hear that it's going to take longer to count people in 2020?
XTC's already got a song about it called "Census Working Overtime".
― pplains, Monday, 15 January 2018 15:41 (eight years ago)
I did think up that brilliant take on my own, but I do have to mention that it was also made here about 15 years ago: I need a good title for a boring paper
― pplains, Monday, 15 January 2018 15:42 (eight years ago)
My opponent claims that I am an alcoholic who is more interested in vodka than helping my constituents. But that is a baseless smirnoff.
― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Tuesday, 23 January 2018 22:41 (eight years ago)
how long does it take to find a mummy's home?two minutes (tomb innits)
― na (NA), Tuesday, 23 January 2018 22:42 (eight years ago)
puns requiring parentheses are one of my fav ilx tropes
― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Tuesday, 23 January 2018 22:53 (eight years ago)
*Emily Litella Voice* "Why is everyone so up in arms about ice raids at 7-11? When I was in college, we did those all the time, how else are you going to serve cold drinks?"
― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Tuesday, 23 January 2018 23:22 (eight years ago)
Drove past Herman Munster's Shoe EmporiumBig place, covers several thousand square feet
― very stabbable gaius (wins), Thursday, 1 February 2018 06:08 (eight years ago)
*answers the phone*sorry you're going to have to speak up, i'm wearing a towel
― flappy bird, Thursday, 1 February 2018 06:20 (eight years ago)
Homer-made jokes
― very stabbable gaius (wins), Thursday, 1 February 2018 06:24 (eight years ago)
Herself- we still have that sauce you bought, I think you owe me a duck dinnerMeself- hoi-sinned on my own canard
― Alderweireld Horses (darraghmac), Thursday, 1 February 2018 08:15 (eight years ago)
teal a l'orange.xls
― very stabbable gaius (wins), Thursday, 1 February 2018 08:25 (eight years ago)
(Someone must have made that joke already right)
― very stabbable gaius (wins), Thursday, 1 February 2018 08:26 (eight years ago)
If I ain't heard it it's new to me
― Alderweireld Horses (darraghmac), Thursday, 1 February 2018 09:24 (eight years ago)
Why did the blood chop off a digit from a rival gang member’s foot and then wait for it to go up in value?
Because it was crip toe currency.
― Fedora Dostoyevsky (man alive), Tuesday, 6 February 2018 03:28 (eight years ago)
Q: What do you get when you kick Batman in the junk?
A: a Bruised Wang
― flamboyant goon tie included, Wednesday, 7 February 2018 01:41 (eight years ago)
Doesn't he wear a reinforced cod piece?So more bruised foot innit
― Stevolende, Wednesday, 7 February 2018 08:10 (eight years ago)
That wouldn't work tho would it as a joke it wouldn't work because foot does not sound like Wayne whereas Wang sounds a little like wang
― Alderweireld Horses (darraghmac), Wednesday, 7 February 2018 08:52 (eight years ago)
Computer Programmer #1: Why are you tapping the keys so loudly?
Computer Programmer #2: I'm teaching myself Java and the manual said it's a strongly typed language.
― mick signals, Sunday, 25 February 2018 23:50 (eight years ago)
nice
― o. nate, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 01:46 (eight years ago)
"You must be Balaam, 'cus your ass is talking"
Reading the Bible at the moment, that joke was what I've gotten out of it so far.
― Frederik B, Thursday, 1 March 2018 22:22 (eight years ago)
There's a new movie about a Jewish guy from Brooklyn who was known around the neighborhood for his crazy sunglasses addiction.
They called him...
Fifty Shades Freed
― Fedora Dostoyevsky (man alive), Thursday, 1 March 2018 23:18 (eight years ago)