Blue Saturday

thanks to a rare viewing of Cash Trapped i found out about Brigadier Sir Nils Olav which has been the icing on a decent week

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nils_Olav

http://blogs.ft.com/photo-diary/files/2016/08/Penguin_PA.jpg

omg

haha wow

even the military are cuddly now and then ;)

a+ brigadier, would follow into battle

love it

The honour was approved by King Harald V and Nils was the first penguin to receive such an honour in the Norwegian Army.[11]

You don't say.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/14/Nils_Olav_inspects_the_Kings_Guard_of_Norway_after_being_bestowed_with_a_knighthood_at_Edinburgh_Zoo_in_Scotland.jpg/330px-Nils_Olav_inspects_the_Kings_Guard_of_Norway_after_being_bestowed_with_a_knighthood_at_Edinburgh_Zoo_in_Scotland.jpg

Sir Nils inspects troops of the King's Guard, of which he is Colonel-in-Chief, following his knighthood ceremony in 2008

xp

I notice it only says in the Norwegian army

the playlist in yr first comment is still probably my favorite "shuffle" playlist I've ever seen, btw

thanks :)

it's slightly weird realising that was only 6 years ago

when I'm still sober at this time of night I get so fucking sad I can't stand it.

didn't want to lay that on anybody irl. carry on.

How I wish I was still sober at this time. Grass is always greener etc.

But but transfer deadline

True true. Highly unwelcome distraction of... things.

woooo my yellow bile is off the chart today, somebody get me a phlebotomist

I'm so glad, and I am glad
I am glad, I am glad
I don't know what to do
don't know what to do, I don't know what to do

epiphanic vision of the world on George Street, melted to softness in the rain, breathing, warm. I wanted to sink into it, wrap myself in it; we were together and infinitely, gently sad.

now it's too warm in my office and there's inches of fogged glass between me and the world, there's just people and office systems and my fuzzy head. I can't help, today. people are the enemy.

why would suicide make the survivors feel bad? I ask myself, purely hypothetically

if you honestly answered your hypothetical question I think you'd find there are many reasons, some of which will be about how people feel about themselves, most of which will be about how people feel about you

I guess I was thinking "compared to a heart attack or cancer" but I know, I know.

indigo Monday.

when the void fills my head and excludes all thought and the weight of it drags on my whole body - how do I locate a cause for that, something to work on? how do I explain what that is to anybody else?

nausea in extreme slow motion

i'm not in right now
i'm not, in right now
i'm not in, right now
i'm not in right, now
now i'm not in right
now i'm not in, right
right now i'm in not
now i'm right, not in
now in: i'm not right

I think I photoed a world of ignorance.

Pictures to follow

doesn't seem too difficult but i look forward to seeing them

awwwww shit

i only feel comfortable in certain kinds of company, which makes days like this, when i wake up from a nightmare about loneliness that's coloured the whole day, but i can't go to the pub, difficult to deal with.

it's the type of weather that is the reward for suffering through the summer heat
the type of weather best enjoyed with company
is a lack of suffering, a release from suffering an actual reward
or is it a cruel trigger of malaise, of emotional and existential pain
now that the visceral suffering has ended

With a wide range of unique cocktails created especially for Riddlers being served in a jam jar to an old tin teapot, this really is something different to the Hull scene that's not been done before.

*cough*

I decided yesterday that I couldn't morally commit suicide because suicide always entails an act of violence - at least aggression - against others. but that's just me, other opinions are available. little comedy voice in the back of my head saying "I should kill myself" every couple of hours won't go away tho. I'm not planning tho so it's good. it's just a weird voice, like it's not mine somehow. or to be more accurate like some dumb bit of shtick that I can't turn off.

really want to be left alone by humanity atm tho. can't settle my head on anything: reading, video games, hardly even watching TV. don't know what I wanna do with myself. struggling thru work, tho it distracts me from stuckness occasionally. keep realising my jaw is really clenched, don't know how to unclench it, like it's set. other little voice in my head squeaks "don't look at me" if I make eye contact with strangers in the street. keep breathing too quick and shallow, keep jittering or walking like my legs weigh a hundred tons.

writing this out by way of self-inventory. the shouting and shenanigans of (young) people is nails on a blackboard. everything is soooo heavy.

can you get the voice to append 'waka waka' to that each time, that might help

it's crazy but it just might work

also the motto on my coat of arms

maybe instead you can ask the voice to say 'take my life... please' in the manner of a midcentury catskills comedian

or a suicidal fozzy bear

that's good too, maybe in a combo

lotta material to have in your pocket

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpzMI7pqv7E

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/9b/98/fe/9b98fea3b640212e410b09134006fddf.jpg

even the meaningless non-rules that I impose on myself feel oppressive, more little sparklers of anxiety in the dark. laid round the house for 8 days or so, unable or unwilling to leave most of the time. tomorrow I've gotta make myself go back to work. might as well be a public void as a private one. I hate the sound and sight of myself. I hate my own apparent presence - apparent cos there's no-one here really. typing this why? to try and look at it outside? to stave off trying to sleep or read. to leave a vapour trail. I'm supposed to talk to someone who can help but there's nothing to help, sorry I can't tell you why I don't exist, sorry I have no insight into how to undo 50 years of neutron egoism, sorry wrong number. fucking screens, man. the inside of my head just another matt glaring screen. everything solipsism always. so much fucking effort. not a clue. nothing wrong, just this is what is.

exactly a year ago, I was running my own business, and had for the first time in my life reached the lower rungs of affluence. It was kinda cool. I'm 42 and what took me so long was a persistent drug problem which I'd finally gained some real control over.

But when I saw that I had enough money saved up that I could afford to do something silly, I stayed dabbling again. I thought I could chip (use moderately/occasionally) but I was wrong.

A year later I am at my mom's. Desperately fighting off a despair which I know will soon overtake me. Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I turned on the TV, not to watch anything specific, not even out of boredom, but just to distract myself. I've never done that before

Just wanna say love you guys and hope you are doing OK and if you ever want to communicate privately feel free to get in touch.
I've been reallllly grouchy and depressed the last week or so, based on a lot of things -- money anxiety (my work now is not reliable), house being a complete mess, feel like i have wasted my life, etc. You guys are not alone and while I have no real practical advice, but eating right and getting enough sleep do seem to make a little bit of difference.

seriously be safe and take care of yourselves, anything I can do please reach out.

thanks ian. I wanted to say same to rvw as you've just said. I dunno what else I can do, don't understand why I publicly moan like this either, sometimes just need to spell it out to myself I guess. recognition feels like a good thing - all of us struggling along one way or another.

God bless all here

NV, there's so much we ask ourselves, doubt ourselves on every single day. Lets not make "why do I moan in public" one of them. I mean you're allowed but it's not necessary here, not as a disclaimer of sorts. Spelling it out is good and hard enough already.

Best to all <3

having to do stuff sucks, my mind wants to be free

felt weird about venting itt as it has a bit of a clubbish feel (not that that's anyone's intent, more just a function of who posts here and how often), so thanks for indulging me and for the kind words.

the first post here, with the playlist and the freecell, gets me every time. just perfect

god, watching Morse try to cop off with obvious murder suspects gets more painful the older I get

the memeification of Christmas jumpers can get right tae fuck imo