The Martin Shkreli trial roffles thread

xp: Martin Shkreli is "Young Steve Buscemi"

also long live juror no. 144

juror no. 59: Your Honor, totally he is guilty and in no way can I let him slide out of anything because —

the court: Okay. Is that your attitude toward anyone charged with a crime who has not been proven guilty?

juror no. 59: It’s my attitude toward his entire demeanor, what he has done to people.

the court: All right. We are going to excuse you, sir.

juror no. 59: And he disrespected the Wu-Tang Clan.

i hope that last one was an over the shoulder, on the way out of the courtroom shout

wait is that article real transcripts or a creative writing project?

I often find myself wondering with dudes like this: did he have the misfortune of inheriting the face of a villain and decide to just embrace it rather than working to develop any decency or humanity?

― Say, I Heard You Had a Quarrel With Your Best Girl (Old Lunch), Wednesday, August 16, 2017 4:03 PM (fifteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's like that phenomenon where guys named John Dentist become dentists

xp apparently real

The doctor who performed circumcisions in the hospital where my kids where born was named Dr. Cox.

better that than dr butcher i guess

Reality Winner a good example... i think

Anthony Weiner obv

just read the Harper's story, LOL'd at this:

BRAFMAN: So much for the presumption of innocence.

Phenom is called 'nominative determinism'

yes armand hammer is a good one

yeah, because he makes his living as a blacksmith

No he's a box of baking soda

for a split second there, I was thinking: that Martin Skrtel always looked a bit of a dodgy fucker.

No he's a box of baking soda

he certainly has all the charisma of a box of baking soda

Phenom is called 'nominative determinism'

― Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Wednesday, August 16, 2017 8:55 PM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ooo gotcha. my brother said it's called an 'aptronym'

aptronym is good!

http://www.businessinsider.com/martin-shkreli-journalists-domain-name-custom-2017-8

smdh

take solace in the fact that he's going to get the shit kicked out of him in prison

The wind up...

I think Ive just realised all this time Ive been mentally calling him martin "shrekli"

I guess I can understand the mechanics of filling a human skin with feces but I can't figure out how you then get it to do things like walk around and buy web domains.

His own personal 9/11

Read #MartinShkreli apology here: pic.twitter.com/sFM8sa2QOt

— Dan Mangan (@_DanMangan) September 12, 2017

Wait, what did he say about Clinton? I missed that bit (and fuck wading thru twittr)

he suggested people pull here hair out while she was on her book tour and that he would pay 5k per clinton hair offered up to him
what a profound fucking moron.

on a different point:
https://nyulocal.com/i-look-like-martin-shkreli-and-its-ruining-my-life-45979b4e3a92

http://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/800/1*7HNRtJpjjdqmqrKKnv_MiQ.png
start by working on yr posture dude

Easy celebrity impersonator gig, should pay for NYU

Byeeeeeeee

BREAKING: Ex-pharmaceuticals company CEO Martin Shkreli has bail revoked in New York securities fraud case, heads to jail.

— The Associated Press (@AP) September 13, 2017

well at least there's one asshole in the world getting his comeuppance. now about those other guys...

in light of this impassioned plea to the judiciary i have reconsidered my stance on martin shkreli

https://i.redditmedia.com/SpKjX2DSiUPm_bhkj6kqWsHBONIQlt2W0sOjMihDTTM.jpg?w=432&s=cdc99bbdf93899b0d17792673e90d14a

^^ Key item in my future Dadaism and the Alt-Right seminar

If I looked that much like shkreli I'd shave my head and register as an et impersonator instead

I fully believe he belongs in a messy jail cell.

The Good Martin is in the messy room, and he can't leave...

that letter is so gross. "hey mr judge man, you don't get it, threatening people shouldn't be illegal because all my shut-in dickhead internet friends think it's funny, ps jacking up drug prices 1000% is bedroom model tinkering, i'm smart, peace"

-AIDS medication
-unreleased wu tang album
-lock of hillary's hair

poor shkreli, jailed RIGHT before collecting all the potion ingredients

— rachel axler (@rachelaxler) September 14, 2017

Which I assume is some magic tonic which will make his face stop doing that thing his face does.

Lol

This one's for Ned

And Martin Shkreli is sent to jail where he will never obtain the ham he so desires. pic.twitter.com/gnm58ZOXJY

— Courtney Enlow (@courtenlow) September 14, 2017

Hahah

I SO hope this is true, BTW

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2017-09-14/martin-shkreli-s-2-million-wu-tang-album-might-not-be-a-wu-tang-album

Martin Shkreli, who became notorious as the boyish Pharma Bro after he raised the price of a lifesaving drug by 5,000 percent, paid $2 million in a 2015 auction for the album. He owns the rights to do anything he pleases with it, except sell copies. But interviews with rappers and managers involved in the recording raise questions about its provenance and value: Is Once Upon a Time in Shaolin a true Wu-Tang Clan album? Or did Shkreli pay lavishly for the work of a little-known producer with a peripheral link to the storied rap group?

Shkreli, who currently faces a prison sentence for fraud, may himself have been played.

How's that eBay auction going I wonder?

End of the story says it was at 1 million so he's still losing on the deal.

http://contact.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&iid=132319745117&requested=martishkrel_7&redirect=0&frm=2047675&ShowASQAlways=1&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI&clk_rvr_id=1310442671363&afsrc=1&rmvSB=true

Gonna leave this here - The "Questions/Answers" section is, um, interesting...

I’m usually not surprised by these things, but nothing sets off my “It belongs on a museum!” reaction like

The feds want Martin Shkreli to fork over the https://mobile.twitter.com/stewartbishop/status/936622249431445509 million Wu-Tang Clan Album. pic.twitter.com/5QLWcJgDP7

— Stewart Bishop (@stewartbishop) December 1, 2017

Motherfucker has an Enigma machine

So allegedly he's swole now:

https://www.inc.com/bill-murphy-jr/americas-most-hated-ceo-got-buff-in-prison-people-actually-like-him-there-heres-what-happened.html

There are no photos, only courtroom sketches, but at least according to the Post, Shkreli looked a lot harder and stronger under his blue jail uniform.

"He's got his prison muscles, the Post quotes a "source close to the defense" as saying. "They like him in there. ... They don't put their arms around him and say 'Give me your money' like they do to other new prisoners. ... They like him."

There are also two letters that he's sent that have been made public--one to a friend named Lisa Whisnant, and the other to a Brooklyn-based media company called The Tab. He seemed like he was doing OK in both letters.

"Jail has some redeeming qualities," he wrote to The Tab. "It's probably the most social environment I've been in. ... There is camaraderie akin to a military setting. You learn just how lucky you are, you help others out, learn cool slang, watch BET all day. Great times!"

Separately, he wrote Whisnant, "Things are not THAT awful here. ... There are some bright sides. I am teaching these prisoners some new things and hopefully some ways to change their lives."

There's just one small problem, per news from earlier today:

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-crime-shkreli/pharma-bro-shkreli-to-be-held-responsible-for-10-4-million-in-losses-u-s-judge-idUSKCN1GA2DB?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Social

The ruling from U.S. District Judge Kiyo Matsumoto could mean more prison time for Shkreli, since the amount of financial loss plays a major role in federal sentencing guidelines. While Matsumoto must consider the guidelines at the sentencing, which is scheduled for March 9, she is not bound to follow them.

IOW, pretty much just need a batch of super serum or something and then we'll have the supervillian for the second series of The Defenders.

lol

https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/03/politics/trump-maralago-remarks/index.html#