shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

Millennials Unearth an Amazing Hack to Get Free TV: the Antenna

http://www.dailycamera.com/news/ci_29509065/dui-suspect-tells-longmont-police-hes-king-Scotland

Texas man shoots armadillo, bullet ricochets back into his face

Uber’s search for a female CEO has been narrowed down to 3 men

that armadillo one is hilarious

The man was airlifted to a nearby hospital, where his jaw was wired shut, according to Rowe.

The status of the animal is unknown.

"We didn't find the armadillo," the sheriff said.

New study shows that chimpanzees of all ages and all sexes can learn rock-paper-scissors

http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2017/08/12/paramount_is_making_a_leonardo_da_vinci_biopic_starring_leonardo_dicaprio.html

http://jalopnik.com/nyc-transit-union-claims-the-mta-holds-dead-bodies-in-w-1797801971

always wondered about that tbh

People who use public spaces/facilities for their suicides are assholes. Walk deep into grizzly/wolf/vulture territory, and if the experience doesn't deter you, then at least you'll get a decent sky burial with no trauma to unrelated civil servants.

uh yeah I don’t think most people depressed enough to commit suicide are thinking rationally

People treated for putting sun cream on their eyeballs to watch the eclipse

Not an article, but while searching for subhumans on twitter condemning Obama's response to Katrina, I came across this photo/window into profound human dysfunction:

Three days after Hurricane Katrina: Where was Michelle Obama? pic.twitter.com/hjwhsxHdq5

— Bikergirl4trump (@TrumpResponders) February 23, 2017

http://www.politico.eu/article/far-right-german-candidate-promises-to-get-rid-of-arabic-numerals/

https://www.premierchristianity.com/Blog/What-do-Lidl-and-ISIS-have-in-common-They-both-remove-crosses-from-churches

ISIS’ genocide against Christians and destruction of religious architecture has been well documented. But what wasn’t so well known (until this week) is that the German supermarket chain Lidl has also taken it upon themselves to remove Christian crosses.

When it came to designing the packaging for their Mousaka, Lidl used the power of Photoshop (other photo editing programs are available) to erase crosses from the roofs of famous Greek Orthodox churches in Santorini (see above photo).

Now clearly there’s a huge difference between the persecution and murder of Christians in the Middle East and what Lidl have done. But whether attempts to remove crosses are violent and bloody, or digital and politically correct, the outcome is the same and a war is (deliberately or unintentionally) waged against Christianity’s most important and most central symbol.

Florida Police Warn People Not to Shoot Their Guns at Hurricane Irma

http://time.com/4935117/hurricane-irma-guns-florida/?utm_campaign=time&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&xid=time_socialflow_facebook

http://thebeehive.bumble.com/bumbleblog/the-dictionary-of-modern-dating

Monster fatberg: Museum of London wants piece for exhibit

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-41265408

I would go see that exhibit

Eight workers are breaking up the object with high-pressure hoses.

Looking forward to the movie about these folks

Sign Language Interpreter Warned of ‘Pizza’ and ‘Bear Monster’ at Irma Briefing

IRS awards multimillion-dollar fraud-prevention contract to Equifax

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DL4aVWkV4AAj7YW.jpg:small

Damn right
it's better than theirs

Internet: Some reaaaal bad takes out there this morning, you have what it takes to top them?

Apple: hold my beer https://t.co/4jYFg7MJMM pic.twitter.com/WHSM3scjOJ

— Laura Hudson (@laura_hudson) October 11, 2017

holy shit

http://nypost.com/2017/10/12/teen-screamed-so-hard-for-one-direction-her-lungs-collapsed/

links on that same page:

Do not use a cucumber to 'cleanse' your vagina
Woman almost dies when her unborn baby kicks a whole in her womb
Victoria Beckham admits to drinking vinegar on an empty stomach
No one can agree on the color of these sneakers

German state railway firm Deutsche Bahn is considering naming a new high speed train after Anne Frank

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-10-27/man-who-cut-off-another-testicle-was-trying-to-help/9093286

https://jezebel.com/male-models-break-out-in-30-person-brawl-outside-the-ro-1820076827

According to witnesses, the entire confrontation was started by the Brits “being aggressively British... They were being really obnoxious.”

Wisconsin legislators approve bill that would make it legal for toddlers to hunt with guns.

http://apnews.com/f2cc6b4280f342c185244caf7070a12e

To prevent revenge porn, Facebook will look at user-submitted nude photos

I could not believe that was real when I first saw that.

Of all the things I've seen on FB, revenge porn hasn't been one of them.

"are you at risk? type your credit card number here"

CNN: US Navy admits aircrew drew penis in the sky

"US Navy air crew, flying an F/A-18 Growler (Electronic Attack Aircraft) assigned to Electronic Attack Squadron 130 based at Naval Air Station Whidbey Island, Wash., flew an air pattern over Okanogan County, Washington, on Thursday, November 16, that left a condensed air trail resembling an obscene image to observers on the ground," Navy spokesperson Lt. Cmdr. Leslie Hubbell said.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/17/movies/prince-william-prince-harry-star-wars.html

At a taping of The Hollywood Reporter’s Actors Roundtable show, Mr. Boyega, who plays Finn in the movie, confirmed that the Prince William and Prince Harry will play Stormtroopers in a scene alongside him.

Marginal, mostly for the copyeditor channeling their inner Beavis:

People: Surgery Gives 1-Month-Old Kitten the Anus She Desperately Needed

Cluck the 1-month-old kitten will no longer be the butt of anyone’s jokes.

The rescue cat was born with an Imperforate Anus, a birth defect which caused her to come into this world sans butthole. As we know, everyone poops, so everyone needs an anus.

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/dec/20/loud-orgies-of-mexican-fish-could-deafen-dolphins-say-scientists

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2017/12/iced-tea-company-stock-triples-after-adding-blockchain-to-name/

just checked the date nope not April 1st so what gives

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/an-open-invitation-to-grace-to-go-on-the-date-you-should-have-had-lbkr/

But what might have been hardest for me to read was this line: “You guys are all the fucking same.”

Because that must be a terrible thing for you to have come to believe. A belief that I can actually completely understand, given the recent climate.

But I’m wondering there’s a chance I can help change your mind–even just a little bit. If nothing else, at least try to provide you with an evening that makes you feel valued, appreciated and respected.

Oh that fucking website, everything they publish seems to be in this weird needy doesn't-get-it "I'm a nice guy!" mode.

This is a guy who lived in the same Chinese city as me, a couple of years after I left, so I probably know some of the people he's talking about, and his point of view is really very deeply odd - https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/white-man-chinese-women-a-story-of-prostitution-romance-and-celibacy/

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/23/world/europe/dog-shoots-man-russia.html

this is a really bad yakov smirnoff joke

Astronomers Say Giant Disco Ball in Space Is Bad for Science

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DU7YgLdXkAEkV4a.jpg:small