EXCELSIOR is the second solo album by British musician LOLZ Coombes.

My teenage niece has a wall decal that says "Nothing happens if you stay in your room."

My wife looked at it for a second and said, "Wow, that sounds really nice! "

― okapi paste (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, July 28, 2017

I think I garbled it; it's actually "Nothing _ever_ happens if you stay in your room." It's from a Rachel Platten song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBaB8Bl_1-Q

Disclosure: Platten is, btw, an actual IRL pre-fame friend of my sister and niece, so it makes somewhat more sense in context. I am a bit sore because loaned her a mic stand and she still hasn't given it back.

That's a bit taking the mic-y

I think he would be funny he if fired everyone.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:20 PM (nineteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You're fired, you're fired, you're fired, you're all fired!

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:20 PM (nineteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FIX IT!

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:21 PM (eighteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I like this plan

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:21 PM (eighteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ahahaha! he is very funny man fiering everyone

― imago, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:21 PM (eighteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

he might hesitate a second for dramatic effect before firing Melania

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:22 PM (sixteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"I love you, you're so beautiful, just gorgeous... but you're fired"

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:23 PM (sixteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yes yes

more fiering

― imago, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:23 PM (fifteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

firing sessions would be just the absolute best, but i'm afraid it might get us pres Pence a lot sooner than i'd prefer

― constitutional crises they fly at u face (will), Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:24 PM (fourteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

nope he's fired too!

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:29 PM (nine minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that would be dope af but kidding aside he can't actually do that right?

― constitutional crises they fly at u face (will), Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:31 PM (eight minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

(re Pence)

― constitutional crises they fly at u face (will), Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:31 PM (seven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

That would be better. Conservative > Madman who blurts out state secrets and encourages police to rough people up

― Treeship, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:31 PM (seven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Xp will

― Treeship, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:32 PM (seven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

no the President cannot remove the Vice President

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:34 PM (five minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Conservative > Madman who blurts out state secrets and encourages police to rough people up

wait how are these different?

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:34 PM (four minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Reporter: President Trump, there have been reports of ...
Trump: You're fired!

White House chef: Mr. President, what would you like for dinner? We have ...
Trump: You're fired!

Ivanka: Dad, are you ... ?
Trump: You're fired! Clean out your desk! Get out of here!

(Trump looks in mirror.)
Trump: And what are you looking at, jackass?! You're fired! You're fired most of all!

A single tear streams down his cheek.

Trump: I said you're fired! Why are you still here? Why are you still here!?! Why am I still here! Where is everyone? What happened to my bed? Where is my bed!?!?

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:36 PM (two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

omg he fierd everyone!

― imago, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:37 PM (one minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the excelsioring america deserves

otm. love it when uk and america worlds are in collision like this. and you're properly ignored, too (though that might be bcz of killfile idk but either way good job)

you're ignored because you're seemingly singing in tune with the choir. that's what fascinates me.

tbf tbf halfassed pisstaking probably shouldn't be on excelsior and it irritates me when all someone has to do is lazily zing morbs and it gets posted here

but actually yeah it feels appropriate to where the board is right now. hey guess what, trump will probably end up firing his own twitter account LOL

if hearty laughs inducing pisstakes on here are wrong I don't want to be right etc

:)

rival comedy troupes workin different threads

http://www.avclub.com/article/prehistoric-fidget-spinner-discovered-

perfect

It's a bold experiment but let's see where it goes

Excellent work, imago.

The president used to be the host of a television show where he said "You're fired!" to contestants who would not go to the next round.

http://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/9/1/4/91914_v2.jpg

hmmmmmm still not sure if this is a "funny posts" thread or not

think it's pretty obvious

While thread is in meta-mode can I thank tombot for generously reading my trump/jeep heer quip in such a way as to maximize the funny.

jeep heer lol

We're talking about a country where most people's primary educations are from McDonalds ads.

― carpet_kaiser, Wednesday, 2 August 2017 18:31 (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Holy shit is this true

― jk rowling obituary thread (darraghmac), Wednesday, August 2, 2017 4:09 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It is true, unless you had parents who intervened. More depressing than funny IMO.

was about to carpet a trench

http://i.imgur.com/I51cZMC.jpg

Don't fuckin play with me I seen four twin peaks this week Im in a vulnerable place

we all learned from this helpful man

Very uncool to hit up a staggered Irishman with a pic of a dude in mickface

that was my geometry teacher and he had a skin disease you ass

U guys take it outside, this is not the place for genuine lolz.

And to think people used to rag on me back in the day for posting too many lols.

My Alma Mater

https://goo.gl/images/KB9up3

BTW, if any UK television programs want me as a commentator I am available at any time. It would be nice to turn the tables a bit. Our coverage of UK politics is frequently condescending and exoticist - Did you know they have a queen there? And did you know that, with any new legislation, the queen has consults her orb, and waves her scepter over a bacon butty while wearing a bearskin hat. Then she changes into a wig and takes a sword out of a stone.

I would be happy to enlighten Britishes about the special rabbitskin robes worn by electors, and how the President Pro Tem of the Senate consults a haruspex whenever there is a veto. Unless there is not a quorum, in which case they must shake a Magic 8 Ball no fewer than seven times. Then it goes to the Weights and Memes committee, which votes by secret ballot, and even then only at midnight.

― okapi paste (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, August 4, 2017 12:11 PM (eleven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

kickstarter.com/toAuntieBeebwiththatYMPladiirc

― Le Bateau Ivre, Friday, August 4, 2017 12:16 PM (six minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You forgot to mention the importance of catching the snitch.

― I'm Calling My Loyer! (Old Lunch), Friday, August 4, 2017 12:17 PM (five minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I find your sense of humor obscrutable and perspicalic.

"Weights and Memes" is pretty classic though, good job YMP

I've only ever reported to women in ten years in the public sector it's cool because you can blind them with logic iirc

― jk rowling obituary thread (darraghmac), Tuesday, August 8, 2017 12:39 PM (forty-two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you don't actually go blind when you roll your eyes all the way back

― mh, Tuesday, August 8, 2017 12:40 PM (forty-one minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

haha

Would tour with

a+

vg++

Fascinating that Bannon can't find his own ass yet can suck his own cock.

― Josh in Chicago, 12. august 2017 05:50 (fourteen hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Well, he does have a large staff.

― nickn, 12. august 2017 09:16 (ten hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

guh

man those daily stormer guys just can't catch a break huh

― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Monday, August 14, 2017 7:34 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

every day, it's another storm

― this iphone speaks many languages (DJP), Monday, August 14, 2017 7:35 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Sage words, from a man who thinks the expression is 'treat the cure'.

obviously i meant treat the disease. but feel free to further punish me in bad faith for being ideologically inconsistent while offering zero ideas of your own

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, August 15, 2017 2:48 PM (four minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Just cos nobody else has any ideas doesn't mean you should give us yours

― jk rowling obituary thread (darraghmac), Tuesday, August 15, 2017 2:49 PM (three minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

looooool

<3

Many a true word...

A+

if someone comes after the lincoln memorial, call me.

― flappy bird, Wednesday, August 16, 2017 6:07 PM (eleven minutes ago) Bookmark

https://media.giphy.com/media/s5C4U3oAw4yeQ/giphy.gif

― 龜, Wednesday, August 16, 2017 6:20 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I like the idea that Megatron clip suggests, that we just carved a throne and a statue of Lincoln showed up and sat in it.

― erry red flag (f. hazel), Wednesday, August 16, 2017 6:59 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

(edited for maximum LOLs)